Full Recovery

Full Recovery

It's been quite a while since I've posted anything here in my blog. My apologies to those who have been seeing the same old stagnant entries everytime they visit. It's just that I've been swamped with a lot of stuff and I am literally thinking about a million and one things as of the moment. To tell you the truth, I wonder if it ever stops.

Anyway, news flash! I'm a bit well already from the cough that has plagued me since the 25th of last month. I try to bring a face towel with me everywhere I go just so I can keep my back dry whenever I commute. It's so nice to listen to your own breathing when it's not interrupted by sudden outbursts of coughing. It's also really nice to breathe through your two nostrils instead of just one. Having a stuffed nose was hell because it was accompanied by sinusitis. Last year I had a similar type of condition but it lasted for around 2 months instead of 3 weeks because I was working the graveyard shift in a call center so I don't think I was given the chance to recuperate at all. Now, I'm thankful that I'm able to breathe normally and cough when I want to.

So now, I'm back to my "healthy" self and hopefully, my posts will be too.

Eccentric

Eccentric

I just met up with a long lost friend two days ago. And when I mean "long" I mean exactly the same thing. The last time we saw each other was a little after we graduated from high school. To me that's like a lifetime already. So much has happened over the years that it seemed a bit surreal talking to him over a gigantic mug of Strong Ice over in Timog. I felt I was dreaming back then because we left a great friendship for our respective college courses and I guess I never had the chance to keep in touch with him.

We talked about the past, present and future and I couldn't help but quietly say to myself "The more things change, the more they stay the same."

He confesses to be more on the eccentric side but aren't we all? I think all of us has a certain type of madness that we all have deeply shut out--that certain eccentric side of us. I could never ever talk about myself and my musings as freely as he did that night. It seems as if I'm holding back. Then again, I don't know what it is I am suppressing. *sigh*

It's so hard to read something you absolutely have no idea about isn't it?

Welcome to my world.

Mere Mortals

Mere Mortals

You really can't stress enough how important something is until you lose it.

This weekend, my immune system caved in and I had a bout with the flu. I'd like to think it was any ordinary attack but when you have a sore throat, stuffy nose, migraine AND a high fever apart from the sore joints, you'd hardly claim it was anything ordinary.

I guess I've been taking my health for granted. And this is so ironic because all of this happened after I talked to my long lost highschool buddy about getting back into basketball shape. :)

All I want to say is that we should all treasure whatever is important to us. May it be our families, our loved ones and our health. When I was lying on the bed breathing through my mouth (because of the stuffy nose I had) while trying to sleep, all I could think about was how and when I could get better.

Sometimes, we really can't rely on ourselves to keep our health in check. We almost always need the unsolicited help of diseases and viruses to tell us that we are not invincible and that we are mere mortals.

Sniff, Sniff

Sniff, Sniff

I think I've finally caught the bad case of colds roaming around the office. This will probably be the first time this year that I've had a stuffed nose so bad that my head hurts.

Damn. I feel my head's in the middle of a vise.

Last time I felt like this was when I started taking calls in my first job as an agent. So much for the sweetness of nostalgia.

Anyway, I gotta crash. I'll probably just sleep it off and wake up feeling worse.

Realizations

Realizations

I think I need to reinvent myself.

Last Song Syndrome

Last Song Syndrome

People are People
by D' Sound


I am the one
who believes in all that you say
I am the one
who never wants to define herself
I am the one
who’s paralell, upfront, behind
I am the one
paddling like crazy through the night

Refine, old time, colourblind
Big sign, do time, doesn’t rhyme
A lot, to much, standing tall
And I’m crying in the valley:
“I shall never, ever fall!”

People are people
and I feel so strong
People are people and I’m
going on

I am the one
who stirs it up everytime
I am the one
who never knows how close she is
I am the one
who’d rather be dead than confess
I am the one
trying to be good, wanting to be bad and so on

Excess, temptress, big mess
Phoney, lonely, it’s a test
Be still my heart, don’t you fail
And I’m crying on the stagefloor:
“I will always prevail!”

I’m going on…


A really nice song I got from Elaine. :-)

Our Dying Motherland

Our Dying Motherland

As of the moment, I go through each day thinking what will become of my future.

I think to myself: "How do you even start a family in this country in this day and age with all of the corruption that is going on in our government?"



It almost seems impossible to fathom but to be honest, the sliver of hope that I am clinging to is fading fast.

Everywhere you go, you are treated like strangers by fellow-Filipinos. And these same people would gladly smile and converse with the foreigner next to you. Like what one of my friends said we live in a country with so much colonial mentality. I'm beginning to wonder if the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt." is one of the absolute reigning truths here in our Motherland.



It's such a sad and hurtful thing to see a cashier sneer at you when you give them a large bill when you're ordering a simple meal; or if the driver of the passenger jeepney you're on doesn't even bother to give you your change of 50 centavos; or when the taxi driver takes a longer route to your destination just so he can extend the meter's sum total.

Some people might worry about more trivial things like how to get to Saturday night's party without fear of having your friends' friends notice that you wore the same outfit two weekends ago.

The brunt of the hurt is felt by the common people, the masses, the bourgeois.



And it bothers me when I think about what will happen to our government if this trend continues. We could be more than what we are today. Sadly, the people in our government have ulterior motives...and that translates to everybody else.

We are all struggling to keep afloat in this God-forsaken country. It's such a shame that looking at the trend, the status quo will remain for many more years to come.

It Hurts

It Hurts

I am at my worst right now.

I don't see the point of moving on with life if you don't have anybody who understands you. I really don't get it.

But most of all, I miss her. With all my heart, I miss the love that we once shared. But now, I have been replaced by something else...something more important.

I guess I had it coming all along. All I am is one of life's biggest mistakes and nothing else.

The Value of Friendship

The Certainty of Friendship

Change has pervaded my life ever since I started working. My very first job was at the BEST call center in the Philippines. *wink* At that job, I gained a lot of friends whom I didn't have any direct connections with. They were from different universities as well as various backgrounds. I really did not expect that I would become close to them because I had my own set of friends before I dove into the abyss of the workplace.

I had my highschool friends, my college friends and my village friends. I really didn't think I could have any more space for some more.

And so I stayed quiet. But in due time I opened up to them like a flower approaching the first morning of spring. After I left my job, I never thought I would find friends as great as them.

It seems that life will always surprise us with a lot of things.






L-R: Maan, Hazel, Regina, me.



I have been fortunate enough to have been blessed once again.

I Am...

I Am...

...a distraction to others...

...a distraction unto myself...

...a lost soul...

...a terrified wanderer...

...inadequate...

...distressed...

...under duress...

I am everything else that any lost and lonely soul may ever become. I am a tired passenger on life's longer journeys and I am yearning for sleep.

Someone, anyone...somebody save me from me.

For the 80's Kid

For the 80's Kid

Simply an 80's classic.

I think I even cried during the movie.

	Love-a-Lot Bear You love to take care of others and people love being around you because you make them feel appreciated. You are very sweet and soft-spoken. You are also a romantic and consider yourself an excellent matchmaker, so you tend to be a bit nosy. But everyone still considers you the sweetest person they know.
Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!

Thinking of Days Past

Thinking of Days Past

I once sang this song for someone who I considered to be really special in my life. I called her up and just started to sing without even saying "Hello".

Can't Cry Hard Enough

I'm going to live my life
Like every day's my last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast

And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now

I'm going to open my eyes
And see for the first time
I've let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite

There it goes up in the sky
There it goes beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough

For you to hear me now
I'm going to look back in vain
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is just an empty chair

And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now


I put down the phone after the last line. Lalang....memories.

And 1

And One

Looking back, last Friday played out like a movie in the making. Everyone else in the Sales team went out for a client call except me. :) And I said I wanted to just stay so at least someone can answer the phone.

And someone did indeed call.

I woke up with a case of LBM today. I have to remember to look at the isaw as it is being cooked next time. Anyway, I just stayed home, drank Immodium, ate bananas, drank some green tea and Coke and slept. After I woke up at around 6:40 PM I got a text from Regina that went like:

"Hey we g0t it!!! Wah00!! Sori im at d gym! Hehe! Astg as in they wer s0 nice and all! Maan was d b0mb! 2 m0nth campn man!"

I felt the sleep rub off me and I stood up and pumped my hand in jubilation. Maan's the bomb! Definitely Regina and Hazel too! :)

And 1, baby!!! =) Go Sales!!!

To Court Love is to Court Pain

To Court Love is to Court Pain

I am an observer by nature. I find myself looking and listening than talking the night away in a random gathering.

And what I have observed is that people know so little about love and the equal amount of pain it can potentially cause. People are absolutely oblivious to the fact that whenever you court love, you court pain. That is a pre-given and nobody is exempted from the sting of lost or broken love. It is a feeling that everybody goes through whether you have been in one relationship or a hundred. That is the premise that I wish to share:

"Whenever you truly, genuinely love someone, you must also be prepared to hurt as much."

I have heard countless stories of people loving another only for the story to end when the person leaves their current love for a better deal. I have heard of couples in a relationship who split up because the other person finds it easier to concentrate on his job rather than the relationship. All of a sudden, from #1 to almost gone.

It is a sad and dreadful truth; one which looms over us like a dark cloud upon us before the downpour. And all of us have no control over it as much as we cannot stop a single drop of rain from falling. We cannot master Love because it can be taken from us as much as it is freely given. It is a reality we must all face that if we say "Yes" to someone else, we must also consider the fine print that comes with it. It might be prudent to include after the affirmation the following phrases:

"I am allowing my vulnerability to be exposed."

"I give you the right to hurt me."

"I know this will hurt if you leave but let's try anyway."

No one can dictate to us who we want to love. And that is the truth that some people forget. If you love a person, that is all because you decide it upon yourself that this particular man or woman is worthy of your love. But when the person does not reciprocate the love that you bestow, that is only because of this one God-given right. It will be probably one of the one greatest possessions we mortals will ever have.

It is called free will.

We shouldn't blame the person we give our love to for loving someone else other than us because it is not right. We give our love to someone; we surrender everything else except our souls to this one person not because it is a requirement. We do it not because we are obliged to, but because we want to. Out of all the people in the world that we have met, like a king knighting a soldier with his royal scepter, we choose to love one person. But let us not forget that we are not kings or queens.

The love that we bestow upon this person is honorable, yes...but our word is not final. The person can always say "No".

Or leave us...

Or go behind our back...

Or cheat on us...

There are a thousand and one reasons why someone will decline but that should not be taken as a reflection of our inadequacy or incompetence. They are all part of a plan. As to what plan and why it is structured as such, I have no clue.

All I can say is that all of us have our own journeys to follow. I would like to think that whenever we fail in a relationship, it does not mean that we are bad people. To me those slips and "failures" are just stepping stones we must need to cross in order for us to get to the other side. We should look at these as rocks in a river which will bring us closer to the The One.

It just so happens that some people have wider rivers to cross, faster currents to keep cautious of, and stronger gusts of wind to fight while crossing that proverbial river. And so we must bid our time, wait for the right opportunity when we should jump onto the next rock. Or else we will just slip because of the raging water, lose balance because of the wind, and fail once again.

Once you understand how your surroundings are and how the river flows, you should do just fine.

More Time

More Time

I wonder what it would be like if we simply had more time. I, for one, would like to have a day extend up to 32 hours--that of course being all else equal. A day that would consist of an 8 hour job, 8 hours of leisure time, 12 hours of sleep and 4 hours of just doing what you love to do--whatever it may be. I think I need just a little extra time sometimes.

That would be a loooong day but I sure would like to experience one. Even just once.

I wonder what it would feel like. One would probably be bored to death. Most people would probably turn out to be lazier than they are. I just sometimes find it difficult to squeeze everything else that I want to do in one day. I sometimes find it hard to pursue my other hobbies because sometimes when I'm done with work and I go home, I just fall flat on my face and sleep 'til the morning comes. It's a tiring routine but every now and then I manage to keep up.

As for us mortals who dwell on a plane of existence that is governed by time, we have no control over it so we will just have to make do with whatever we have.

Learn everything we can.

Be the best person we can be.

And last but not the least, make the world a better place because we're in it.

Clichés and Regrets

Clichés and Regrets

After nearly a quarter century of living in this world, you can't seem to face the fact that nearly all of the clichés and familiar sayings you've ever heard seem to apply to you.

"Time flies by so fast."

"Life was simple back then."

"If I could only turn back time."

"Hindsight is always 20/20."

And my personal favorite..."What if?"

It's a bit saddening to come to terms with the fact that life will no longer be easy for you anymore. It's a bit hard on the people who have been sheltered from the difficulties of life when they realize that from here on in, it will be a life of thankless work and a thousand and one mistakes. After all, we are all entitled to that type of life. There wouldn't be any growth at all if everybody was right all the time.

Time and experience is a valuable teacher. This I have proven time and again.

I read someone's comment about being nostalgic. The person said that there wouldn't be any point in complaining about how easy we had it back then; how we didn't think of how much we were spending when we bought something. Now, we always need to look twice in our wallet and spend a few seconds to mentally compute if the value meal that we're planning to eat will be worth it or not. Damn.

I wonder if this will ever stop. I'm wondering if I would still feel this way if I worked in a different country. I wonder if I would stop worrying about things if I had more money. I wonder I wouldn't have any more problems if I became more financially stable. Even though, it's tempting to subscribe to that belief, I still don't want to. I still believe that money is the root of all evil--that is with the condition that if you allow yourself to be consumed by it.

I really have no idea on what to expect of this country and the life that is ahead of us. I am only hoping that 10 years in the future, we won't be looking back in despair and say that we had it easy back then.

Talk Show on Mute

Talk Show on Mute

Sometimes it just totally escapes me when people see grey instead of black; when people see good in something that is generally considered evil. Maybe for these types of people we really cannot hope to clear the mixed-up hues of their reasoning. Maybe they need to learn everything the hard way.

It's such a sad feeling to know that someone you care about is going on about things the wrong way. It disheartens me when you have a friend that just will not listen to whatever it is you have to say because they have made up their mind about the issue and no one is going to persuade them to think otherwise.

I find it sad when my friend gets their heart broken into a thousand pieces by someone who wasn't even worth their time but I find it even more disturbing if that person didn't learn from his or her mistake. I have a good friend who thinks it is inconceivable to go for one whole year without ever entering into a relationship even if he hasn't known a girl for very long. I also have a good friend who just won't stop playing the game just because it's fun.

I mean sure, it beats sitting by your bed on a Friday night thinking about what to do the next day but it sure as hell won't give you the insight and wisdom that you need to become a better person after you're through with them or vice versa.

People..

..are..

..rushing..

..into things..

And they don't even know that they do. That's the saddest part of being closed-minded. To yourself, you're doing the right thing because it makes you happy. But to the people who love and really care about you, all you're doing is destroying what could be a prosperous and beautiful life. To the person who can't stop and smell the roses, everything else that we talk about will ultimately be a talk show on mute because they will never listen to anyone but themselves.

I wonder if they're ever right. I just hope they are.

Which Endless Are You?

Which Endless Are You?






Death, the second of The Endless, you are responsible for ending all lives and taking them to your realm, from which no one ever returns. You are bright, positive, happy, optimistic and enjoy everything about life, but that does not mean your silly or stupid. You can lay the smack down when you have to! Everyone loves you, and they don't know why.


Which Endless are you?
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Ours Alone

Ours Alone

Everyone of us will come to a time when there seems to be nothing else but complications and chaos. But to the more blessed of us, we will always have something to run to...something we can always call home.

I believe that to me, writing will always be my treasured gift. It is one of those rare blessings that can keep someone occupied as long as he wants. There is no other requirement except a pencil and paper. The rest comes from the big mass of tissue we call the brain. And it is such a wonderful thing to be able to come home to that gift whenever you want to--whenever you need to.

All of us should have found something that we come home to. All of us should have something we can call our own; something we know we're good at. All that it takes is a little bit of creativity and having passion for the growth of that gift. We should all be thankful of what we have. Whether it be a knack for saying the right words or having people open up or mixing colors on a canvas or just plain 'ole writing.

Nobody can take your gift away from you. Why don't we all build on that idea?

Find yours and let it grow.

On Inevitability

On Inevitability

Lately, I have been witness to inevitability and to the things it can do to people. It can destroy as well as rebuild; it can heal as much as it can break hearts. For me, inevitability is something like a predator that is stalking you. Soon, there will be nothing to hide and nowhere to go to. You ultimately succumb to its power. And something in me is not comfortable with something such as powerlessness. I cannot be contained. I choose not to be because I am not a statistic.

People all around us give up so easily because they feel that everything else will end in flames. Although this is not far from the truth, still we should be bearers of optimism because nobody likes the sting of the cynical.

Although I have to admit that I am as guilty as the next person when it comes to giving up, I still would like to think that there is something good left in me even if a lot of people think otherwise. Sometimes, I actually believe that I am someone who is inadequate and self-centered. But most of the time, I just feel like a boy losing a battle against a giant tide. And when I struggle to surface for air, it seems as if another wave is already over my head--ready to bring me down. Sometimes I almost don't want to go up anymore.

The strength of the waves in my life is pinning me down deeper the depths. All I can do right now is keep on fighting my way up for air because that's the only way I don't drown.