The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind ®
I think I already know why people are so engrossed about work. I think I'm already getting a glimpse of why work is so important to the Average Joe--or in our case, the Average Juan.
I believe that people revere work so much because it lets them escape their problems even for a very short while. It gives people the excuse to not think about their worries even for just a few number of hours because they have something more important to attend to at work. We wear our own personal masks in the office everyday and we don't even know it. After we argue with our parents before we leave the house, we return to the sanctuary of the workplace where another world awaits us--different responsibilities and different people to talk relate to. Everything is just not related to the problems that we have outside of these corporate walls.
And so I believe that to some people, the workplace isn’t that much of a prison as it is more of a haven of sorts. People go to work to make a living but I think work gives so much more back to the individual. I feel that work gives people a sense of purpose in life. I feel that work gives people the temporary relief they cannot find when in the presence of the people they come into contact day in and day out. It’s very strange because the people that we call family are the ones who make us feel bad day in and day out; they’re the ones who hurt us the most. (although I have to confess, all of us have our better days) And when people immerse themselves in work, they are given the chance to forget every hurtful word, every misdeed, every annoyance that happens in their life.
Sometimes, all I want to do is forget everything.
They say familiarity breeds contempt. I, on the other hand, disagree. I think familiarity breeds apathy and indifference.
Of course, not everybody will be able to relate to this. Not everybody has a dysfunctional family. I am still waiting for that Eternal Sunshine that will come and take all my trauma away.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Monday, July 12, 2004
The Big Picture
The Big Picture
I've always believed that when one door closes, another one opens. The funny thing is, sometimes, I find it difficult to look for the one that supposedly opened. I guess that's the way it is when you're so confused.
To tell you the truth, I don't think I've ever been as confused about my life as I am right now. I might blame it to the fact that I've already had two jobs in as many years, or to the many disappointments that I've encountered since I learned to cry.
Yes I am confused. And lost.
But I know there are doors that I still need to look for. They are out there, waiting for me; they are calling out my name.
In my search, I struggle to find that door and most of the time, I fail. Miserably. But that's only because I never realize that I've been standing in front of it like an ant standing on Heaven's gates.
Sometimes, we only need but to step back and look the grandeur that's in front of us to realize what we have.
I've always believed that when one door closes, another one opens. The funny thing is, sometimes, I find it difficult to look for the one that supposedly opened. I guess that's the way it is when you're so confused.
To tell you the truth, I don't think I've ever been as confused about my life as I am right now. I might blame it to the fact that I've already had two jobs in as many years, or to the many disappointments that I've encountered since I learned to cry.
Yes I am confused. And lost.
But I know there are doors that I still need to look for. They are out there, waiting for me; they are calling out my name.
In my search, I struggle to find that door and most of the time, I fail. Miserably. But that's only because I never realize that I've been standing in front of it like an ant standing on Heaven's gates.
Sometimes, we only need but to step back and look the grandeur that's in front of us to realize what we have.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Anywhere But Here
Anywhere But Here
I don't think anyone will ever understand me.
I say this because I myself find it hard to comprehend the enigma that is me. The feeling is similar to a rollercoaster plunge--you can't think straight. And when you even attempt to, the fleeting moment will not be enough because you know there's a giant loop coming your way. Sometimes, that's how I feel when I try to think. After having a monologue with my inner self about a troubling matter, I always find my mind drifting to a different thought; I always find myself having a million and one musings that can never be replaced by a sense of peace. At least not now.
It is a tiring fight that I fight. And sometimes, I wish that I can just throw in the towel and give up. I wish there was an easy way out...an easy way to end all of the pain but I have seen firsthand that the easy way out is nothing but a false promise. There is nothing easy in this earth. Not in this day and age. And especially not in this country. But enough of the side remarks.
If there's ever any one person I would like to meet, it would be someone who would totally understand what I've done and who I am. I would want to meet someone who shares the same pain and shame that I nurse day in and day out. I would want to meet someone who would accept my frailties and weaknesses and tell me that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes because after all, we're only human.
There comes a time in every person's life, where he must choose whether he will go on and continue the journey; whether he will steadily walk the arduous road ahead without looking back. And believe me, the decision to go on will never be easy. From a distance, it would seem that the challenge is daunting and that the only option for you is to walk away and end it all. But when you come up close and struggle to see the good that lies within, you cannot help but take that first step of faith and continue walking...to where, you never know.
All that's keeping you going is the thought of staying anywhere but here.
I don't think anyone will ever understand me.
I say this because I myself find it hard to comprehend the enigma that is me. The feeling is similar to a rollercoaster plunge--you can't think straight. And when you even attempt to, the fleeting moment will not be enough because you know there's a giant loop coming your way. Sometimes, that's how I feel when I try to think. After having a monologue with my inner self about a troubling matter, I always find my mind drifting to a different thought; I always find myself having a million and one musings that can never be replaced by a sense of peace. At least not now.
It is a tiring fight that I fight. And sometimes, I wish that I can just throw in the towel and give up. I wish there was an easy way out...an easy way to end all of the pain but I have seen firsthand that the easy way out is nothing but a false promise. There is nothing easy in this earth. Not in this day and age. And especially not in this country. But enough of the side remarks.
If there's ever any one person I would like to meet, it would be someone who would totally understand what I've done and who I am. I would want to meet someone who shares the same pain and shame that I nurse day in and day out. I would want to meet someone who would accept my frailties and weaknesses and tell me that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes because after all, we're only human.
There comes a time in every person's life, where he must choose whether he will go on and continue the journey; whether he will steadily walk the arduous road ahead without looking back. And believe me, the decision to go on will never be easy. From a distance, it would seem that the challenge is daunting and that the only option for you is to walk away and end it all. But when you come up close and struggle to see the good that lies within, you cannot help but take that first step of faith and continue walking...to where, you never know.
All that's keeping you going is the thought of staying anywhere but here.
