Bring It On
I don't know if this November will be a better month. And I say that because even though I'm finally getting the space I need to be my own solitary self, I am oblivious as to what will happen next. Also, at this stage in my life, I am too tired to care about the people who continuously hurt me so I just ignore them altogether. It's just tiring being the one who always understands; being the one who always has to take the brunt of the blow.
Simply put, this year has been one of the worst years in my life. I honestly don't know if the menace is over but I am expecting the worst right now to tell you the truth. I just cannot believe what people have been able to do to me this year.
But it is an eye-opener to me and I now am aware that in this life, anything bad is possible. But with all honesty, I can now truthfully say, "Bring it on".
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Wants and Needs
Wants and Needs
It just hit me that I won't have everything that I hope for.
Not because it's the truth, but because it's just fair. Everybody else can't have everything they want. Why should I be any different?
I was thinking about the things that have happened to me this year. I know...it's a bit early for reminiscing and flashback episodes but hey, this is my blog. =) Anyway, I can honestly say that I am one year wiser albeit a bit sadder. I know that for a fact because last October, I was in the company of good co-workers who later on became my friends. That was one hell of a ride. I could say the same for this year. This year hit me like a freight train speeding unlike anything I've ever experienced before.
It hit me smack dab in the middle of heart and soul.
And to tell you the truth, I think I haven't landed from the blow yet; I feel as if I'm still flying....waiting to crash. *sigh*
Anyway, I have realized that I can't have everything although I WILL work on trying to get some of my inane and trivial wants in this world. Here are a few of them in no particular order:
1. A goatee. I think I've been shaving my chin since forever and I still haven't amassed enough hair to call it a goatee. I'd actually think that'd look good on me. Or at least I'd like to see myself carry a good one.
2. 4 Mishra's Workshops. It's a hobby of mine. Magic cards? Doesn't ring a bell? Became famous back then in 1997? Still sound Greek to you? Okay, next!
3. A healthy knee. I actually believe I already have arthritis in my left knee. Whenever I play basketball these days, it feels quite sore and I have to keep massaging the plate for it not to throb. Damn, I'm old.
4. Six-pack abs 'Nuff said.
5. A cigarette-free year Actually, I'd like to have a cigarette-free lifetime. I think having cancer in our genes is enough. I'd probably die of colon cancer or some other excruciating disease.
I guess that's it for now. Thanks for reading this far. Until next time!
It just hit me that I won't have everything that I hope for.
Not because it's the truth, but because it's just fair. Everybody else can't have everything they want. Why should I be any different?
I was thinking about the things that have happened to me this year. I know...it's a bit early for reminiscing and flashback episodes but hey, this is my blog. =) Anyway, I can honestly say that I am one year wiser albeit a bit sadder. I know that for a fact because last October, I was in the company of good co-workers who later on became my friends. That was one hell of a ride. I could say the same for this year. This year hit me like a freight train speeding unlike anything I've ever experienced before.
It hit me smack dab in the middle of heart and soul.
And to tell you the truth, I think I haven't landed from the blow yet; I feel as if I'm still flying....waiting to crash. *sigh*
Anyway, I have realized that I can't have everything although I WILL work on trying to get some of my inane and trivial wants in this world. Here are a few of them in no particular order:
1. A goatee. I think I've been shaving my chin since forever and I still haven't amassed enough hair to call it a goatee. I'd actually think that'd look good on me. Or at least I'd like to see myself carry a good one.
2. 4 Mishra's Workshops. It's a hobby of mine. Magic cards? Doesn't ring a bell? Became famous back then in 1997? Still sound Greek to you? Okay, next!
3. A healthy knee. I actually believe I already have arthritis in my left knee. Whenever I play basketball these days, it feels quite sore and I have to keep massaging the plate for it not to throb. Damn, I'm old.
4. Six-pack abs 'Nuff said.
5. A cigarette-free year Actually, I'd like to have a cigarette-free lifetime. I think having cancer in our genes is enough. I'd probably die of colon cancer or some other excruciating disease.
I guess that's it for now. Thanks for reading this far. Until next time!
Monday, October 25, 2004
Just an Afterthought
Just an Afterthought
I was just browsing through the dusty drawers of my room when I happened upon this poem:
When can I smile again?
When can I smile again?
When will people stop putting
labels on my faltering ego?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
When can I smile again?
When will the rest of the world
stop judging and start loving?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
Too many questions demand
to be answered
Too many hearts still
close out on me
So much wasted time
When can I smile again?
When can I know joy and love
for the second time around?
I want people to notice that
I, now, am dying...and that I need them.
by Zeus Martinez
April, 16, 1999
To tell you the truth, I can't remember anymore what I was thinking back then. I can't remember anymore why I wrote this poem although I could surmise that this was probably about people in my university since this was already during my time in college. *whew* When I listen to myself, it seems as if I'm really old. (which I concede I am) I guess all I can say is that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I was just browsing through the dusty drawers of my room when I happened upon this poem:
When can I smile again?
When can I smile again?
When will people stop putting
labels on my faltering ego?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
When can I smile again?
When will the rest of the world
stop judging and start loving?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
Too many questions demand
to be answered
Too many hearts still
close out on me
So much wasted time
When can I smile again?
When can I know joy and love
for the second time around?
I want people to notice that
I, now, am dying...and that I need them.
by Zeus Martinez
April, 16, 1999
To tell you the truth, I can't remember anymore what I was thinking back then. I can't remember anymore why I wrote this poem although I could surmise that this was probably about people in my university since this was already during my time in college. *whew* When I listen to myself, it seems as if I'm really old. (which I concede I am) I guess all I can say is that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
