The Invisible God

A God of Inequity

Hasn’t it crossed your mind that God is unfair?

And I don’t mean that in a blasphemous or negative way. At all.

I mean think about it. We’ve forgotten Him during times of happiness when He should have been given all the credit, we’ve sinned time and again, we’ve broken our promises to Him…not only once but more times than we’d care to count. We’ve been like the ultimate spoiled problem child and He still manages to give us what we need when we need it.

If that isn’t unfair, I don’t know what is. It’s unfair to Him to be like that and let me tell you why.

We, as creatures of sin, should right now be cast into the eternal torture that is Hell and be made to suffer the most damned of punishments forever and ever. I believe we are entitled to as least that. Each and every one of us.

But God chooses to be unfair. He’s as stubborn as we can never imagine and I think He’s like that because He does it out of love.

I hate it when I remember things like this. It makes me feel all rotten inside. But it’s the good kind of rotten feeling if you can ever relate to what I’m saying right now.

We humans, as enforcers of justice have always acted in a justifiable manner. Someone pisses us off, we throw a fit. This beat-up owner cuts us off at the road, we cut the car in front of us…desperately risk life and limb to catch up with that owner, and then we cut it off as if our life depended on it. We have always had a system of justice with which we adhere to. And with some people, their system is simple: “You mess with me, and you’re gonna wish you were never born you !!!”

What’s my point again?

God is unfair.

He is so because we shouldn’t be where we are right now yet He has chosen to bless us with so many things. And more often than not, we tend to gripe about how we don’t have enough of this and that when we should realize that we have much much more than what we truly deserve.

As early as our childhood years, we’ve been brainwashed into thinking that having more of something is a measure of happiness. Haven’t you ever wondered how good it would have felt like to own a room full of He-Man action figures complete with Castle Grayskull and Cringer a.k.a. Battle Cat? It’s funny looking back at what we’ve branded as a measure of happiness, isn’t it? Or haven’t you wondered what life would be like if you couldn’t decide what’s sports car to bring to school? To some it might be food for thought; not to mention also for our dreams…but maybe we should start rethinking about what really matters in life because as far as I’m concerned, I think we’re all being set up.

By the world, by the media, by everything that is trivial. And they’re doing a spectacular job, mind you.

And when someone asks where is God in our lives amidst all of this. We sometimes cannot help but shrug and dismiss the idea.

We never deserved any of this---our life, our belongings, our blessings. But He still gave it all to us and more.

Again I ask: If that’s not being unfair, I don’t know what is.

A Ray of Sunshine Amidst the Storm

A Ray of Sunshine Amidst the Storm

When I looked out the window this morning, the sky was filled with such gloom as it had been these past few days. But I think I saw the sun shine for the briefest of periods. It must be a simple reminder that there is such a thing called Hope. And I believe it comes in those brief and spontaneous moments that slip under our radar, those moments that in retrospect, leave us with a grin on our face and an unmistakable sense of peace inside our hearts. As someone simply put it:

wag mashado malungkot.. o-OK din lahat yan. you'll see.Ü
Everybody else in this world goes through what I am going through right now--their own personal storms. I would like to know that the fight is finished; that the calm afterwards is nearing. But like any seasoned sea-farer, I know how deep these waters underneath me go and how dark the skies above me can become. But if you're struggling to keep your vessel afloat in a sea of entropy , and you manage to somehow catch even a single ray of sunshine, I think that will be enough to keep you sailing onwards.

I am fortunate enough to know people who are strong enough to help me keep my ship afloat. To those people--and you know who you are--I am forever grateful.

That One Special Day

That One Special Day

I believe the most deplorable thing that can happen to a person is to experience helplessness. It must be similar to the feeling when you're already burning in that boiling lake of sulfur when you're already in Hell. The place of fire and brimstone.

The place I am now. Figuratively, that is.

This month has absolutely been one of the worst times in my life. It seems that I have been engulfed by the jaws of helplessness. And I feel it has swallowed me whole. Believe me when I say that it is one of the few emotions I do not wish upon anyone because it breaks people. It cripples them and consumes their hopes and dreams and buries them with it after it is through with them.

I have had regrets which I have realized too late and I cannot seem to see past them. I cannot seem to see the sliver of hope that many friends would say that I have because it almost seems too minute to be recognized. I am aware that we should never dwell on our regrets; that there is no use in crying over spilled milk because that's just how life is. C'est la vie.

I am at a point in my life right now where I wake up and I see the futility of living. I see the despair that I have to face every day and I cannot seem to stare at it in the face because I am afraid. No...I am terrified to say the least.

I am unemployed.

I am confused.

I am lost.

I am disappointed. Most especially with myself.

Sometimes I feel like a caged animal where all I see are bars in front of me. Limitations, restrictions, hopelessness. It is a desolation of sorts because I feel so disconnected from everyone else and from myself. I just wish there was a way out.

In four days, I will have stayed on this Earth for nearly a quarter of a century. And I feel that I have nothing to show for it. Just disappointed people and a thousand broken dreams and wishes that during my days of naiveté were the things that drove me to fight the good fight. Four days from now will be my birthday. Or at least that's what will some attempt to call it. For me, it will probably be just an ordinary day or maybe even a sad one. Perhaps my saddest birthday to date.

I just wish people really had one birthday wish to make on their special day. That would at least give me hope. And for me, that is all that I need right now...that will definitely suffice.

In Retrospect

In Retrospect


                                            "Regrets"
                                            by Zeus Martinez

                              The way the waves of the ocean
                              yearn for the shore
                              The way the birds long for the sky
                              upon seeing white and blue
                              That is the manner I long for you.

                              The time it takes from here to there
                              and even until Neverwhere
                              Until the passing of earth and space
                              into their last and final spark
                              That is how long I'll wait for your heart.

                              Because your smile and quiet eyes
                              I cannot see them anymore
                              Because my heart aches for you
                              and you are no longer here with me
                              That is why I regret failing you...

                              ...from here on 'til eternity.


If you ever come to a point when you find that one person to love and to cherish for life, do your best. Try to do everything for that person and treasure each and every moment. That way you'll never ever regret anything. And you'll never ever confess that you never gave your 100%.

For Nina.