Anywhere But Here

Anywhere But Here

I don't think anyone will ever understand me.

I say this because I myself find it hard to comprehend the enigma that is me. The feeling is similar to a rollercoaster plunge--you can't think straight. And when you even attempt to, the fleeting moment will not be enough because you know there's a giant loop coming your way. Sometimes, that's how I feel when I try to think. After having a monologue with my inner self about a troubling matter, I always find my mind drifting to a different thought; I always find myself having a million and one musings that can never be replaced by a sense of peace. At least not now.

It is a tiring fight that I fight. And sometimes, I wish that I can just throw in the towel and give up. I wish there was an easy way out...an easy way to end all of the pain but I have seen firsthand that the easy way out is nothing but a false promise. There is nothing easy in this earth. Not in this day and age. And especially not in this country. But enough of the side remarks.

If there's ever any one person I would like to meet, it would be someone who would totally understand what I've done and who I am. I would want to meet someone who shares the same pain and shame that I nurse day in and day out. I would want to meet someone who would accept my frailties and weaknesses and tell me that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes because after all, we're only human.

There comes a time in every person's life, where he must choose whether he will go on and continue the journey; whether he will steadily walk the arduous road ahead without looking back. And believe me, the decision to go on will never be easy. From a distance, it would seem that the challenge is daunting and that the only option for you is to walk away and end it all. But when you come up close and struggle to see the good that lies within, you cannot help but take that first step of faith and continue walking...to where, you never know.

All that's keeping you going is the thought of staying anywhere but here.