I'm Sorry...

I'm Sorry...

There are times that I can't seem to shake off all of the disappointments that I've done, all the hurts that I've caused, all the people I've abandoned, all the friends I've left behind.

I try to live my life as good as humanly possible but when I look back at my life and all of the people I've hurt, I cannot help but become teary-eyed. Instead of becoming a guide in this journey we call life, I've managed to make people fall and stumble along the way.

And as the title of this entry says, I am sorry. This isn't for any specific person. This is for everybody who knows me. And I know this entry is not impactful as a face-to-face apology but believe me, if I knew I had wronged you in any manner, I would not hesitate to ask for forgiveness from you. And so I would like to say sorry...

I am sorry for all the hurtful things that I've done to you, no matter how small or big they were.

I am sorry for becoming a stumbling block to you.

I am sorry for becoming a bad example when you needed me to become a good one.

I am sorry for being a bad example, period.

I am sorry because I made you feel insecure and/or uncomfortable.

I am sorry for not being true to my word.

I am sorry because I just rub you the wrong way.

How I wish I knew what I did wrong, so I could tell you now that it wasn't on purpose. How I wish you could know the person who I am now.

And for everybody who believes my sincerity, I hope you can forgive me.

I learned in Matthew 5:13 that as a Christian, I should be salt and light of the earth. I hate the feeling. I hate the feeling that there are times that I feel like that. I hate the feeling of knowing "patapon ang buhay ko na parang basahan" [my life is as useless as a filthy rag] .

And then came Jesus. You all know the story. He died for our sins; whatever shameful thing I have done, He already took the blame. God forgave all of my sins, all of the shameful things I have done. All of them. When I look at my life and realize that someone actually died for a filthy rag like me, I cannot do anything but respond in love. Who am I to shun a kind of love as inconceivable as that?

I have been forgiven a great deal.

So this is how the prodigal son must have felt.