Wishful Thinking

Wishful Thinking

It's a Monday yet I don't feel that it's the start of the week. I can't stop thinking about the coming days. It's like I've been dreading Christmas day to come. This year has not been good to me. Everything seems like a blur to me. All of the supposedly special holidays this year turned out to be real bad. I guess that's why I'm just preparing for the inevitable right now. So I'm counting two more miserable holidays before the year ends: this Saturday and New Year's.

I am especially sure that I won't feel the same old magic whenever I wake up on Christmas day. Times are hard right now as it already is. I just don't think the people close to me will get caught up in the routine of giving gifts. Come to think of it, I only know one guy who would even care to think about giving me something.

After all of the heartbreak and confusion that I've encountered this year, I just want to forget about it. I want to leave the memory of this year buried under the hopeful promise that 2005 will be better.

I never realized I feared Christmas this bad. The nostalgia, the pressures, the lonely feeling you have when you have no one to turn to...it just takes the wind out of you. I hope no one else feels what I am feeling on Christmas Day.

May all of you have the happiest of holidays.