Behind The Mask

Behind The Mask

There will always be secrets that you will always keep from someone or everyone. I have a handful of friends who know my deepest secrets but they do not know me fully. I am slowly beginning to understand that I am a wearer of masks. And I do so not because I aim to deceive people but because I feel safer. I almost revel being behind a mask of pride than be under the spotlight of prejudice. I would rather slip behind the mask of apathy than see myself crumble to the ground when I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I feel the need for hiding is great because sometimes I believe that people will not accept me if I do not fit into their standards of what a person should be. Fortunately I have about 2 or 3 people I know who accepts me for who I am. But sometimes I cannot help but think to myself if they will ever change in the future...after all, everybody does.

I miss the comfort of long conversations when someone will really want to listen to me and my tales of sorrow, happiness, guilt, confusion, defeat, victory and survival. I miss having to sit down with someone who honestly and wholeheartedly wants to just listen to me. That's it---just listen. I think people underestimate the power and luxury of having a friend you can count on when all else in your world breaks down.

In the end, after all the distractions have lost their luster, after you've focused so much on yourself, when you feel this type of loneliness, you will understand what I am talking about. You'll just want to have someone to really care about what's happening to you.

Until then, I will wear my masks in the hopes that someone will see right through me.