It Isn't Much, But It's From the Heart
I used to be so troubled by thoughts of the unknown. I used to be so caught up in the idea that a relationship is all that matters in this world. Yet God has taught me to fully rely on Him. Whatever the outcome is, I know I can rest my heart on His. No matter how wounded or scarred my soul is, it will always find comfort in Him. The reason why I say this is not to highlight the negative possibilities that may happen in the future but to emphasize that no matter how disappointing human relationships will be, we will always have a perfect God who will always perfectly love us in the way we want to be loved.
And since we're on the topic of relationships, I might as well share what I managed to write in an hour. I can only say that I stand in awe in the wonder of God's most beautiful creation--and that is woman. The proverbial Eve of every man. For every woman, you will always have someone who will find you captivating and enthralling. And it is my desire for my lady friends that you find someone who will confess to you the beauty that you do not know you hold. It is my desire that you find your God's Best and that he finds you as well. Wait on the Lord because His timing is perfect.
An Ode to Eve
by Zeus Martinez
Past your gleaming eyes and limpid stare
Past the silky strands of your flowing hair
I find your beauty in quiet wait
A beauty, flawless in every way
Beauty that grows day by day
Neither the rustling of leaves of spring
Nor the thunderclouds that loudly ring
Might take it from your hands
Your beauty wrapped in grace divine
I find radiant, complete, sublime
Smile no more lest my soul rejoice
And it longs to hear your soft calm voice
Beloved, hear my honest plea
I dare not see us grow apart
For you are the hiccup of my heart
I see your face in songs and poems
And find your smile in morning blossoms
I sail the seas with you in mind
And as I peer into the blue
My thoughts are filled with only you
Past the imperfections you always see
Past your great melancholy
I see a beauty I wish to know
One I’ve searched for, one that’s true
One that I have found in you
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Monday, October 03, 2005
Knowing You More and More
Knowing You More and More
I learned another thing about God yesterday. I learned that the things we are able to accomplish are only because of God's infinite Grace and mercy. The minute we give credit to ourselves, whether it's on purpose or not, we risk God agreeing with us. In order to save space, I scripted the gist of what happened to me in the following psuedo-dialogue between myself and God:
Me: "How wonderful I have been for you, Lord. I have done this FOR you. This is my offering to you."
God: "Really now? Do you have any idea about how much I have helped you accomplish that? Do you have any idea that it is not you, but Myself working in you? Why do you then give credit where it is not due?"
Me: "I'm just so happy that I'VE been able to shed my old self."
God: "Since you put it that way, let's see YOU pull it off without my grace."
Me: "Okay :)"
This is the part where people in the audience say, "Yari ka." =))
Then I stumble with my walk with God. (malamang!)
*slowly walks back to God with my heart humbled*
Me: "Joke lang. Hindi ko pala kaya. I'm really sorry, Lord."
*sigh* It's hard to be humbled especially if God does that to you. He reminds you of your fallen nature and how insignificant you are WITHOUT Him. If you've never tried to come up to Him with a humble heart, I suggest that you do. If there's anything that you can do after you've sinned and you sincerely want to confess it to God, I suggest Psalm 51.
I learned another thing about God yesterday. I learned that the things we are able to accomplish are only because of God's infinite Grace and mercy. The minute we give credit to ourselves, whether it's on purpose or not, we risk God agreeing with us. In order to save space, I scripted the gist of what happened to me in the following psuedo-dialogue between myself and God:
Me: "How wonderful I have been for you, Lord. I have done this FOR you. This is my offering to you."
God: "Really now? Do you have any idea about how much I have helped you accomplish that? Do you have any idea that it is not you, but Myself working in you? Why do you then give credit where it is not due?"
Me: "I'm just so happy that I'VE been able to shed my old self."
God: "Since you put it that way, let's see YOU pull it off without my grace."
Me: "Okay :)"
This is the part where people in the audience say, "Yari ka." =))
Then I stumble with my walk with God. (malamang!)
*slowly walks back to God with my heart humbled*
Me: "Joke lang. Hindi ko pala kaya. I'm really sorry, Lord."
*sigh* It's hard to be humbled especially if God does that to you. He reminds you of your fallen nature and how insignificant you are WITHOUT Him. If you've never tried to come up to Him with a humble heart, I suggest that you do. If there's anything that you can do after you've sinned and you sincerely want to confess it to God, I suggest Psalm 51.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Only by His Grace
Only by His Grace
God is indeed in the business of changing lives. I stifle a wry smile when I think about my state 365 days ago. I sincerely never knew that I would have met so many new people in such a short time. I never knew that I would be actively involved in the different ministries in church. Ever. Here I was a lonely, lost and depressed soul looking for something that would matter in his life.
I always get a kick out of reminiscing the past year because who I was a year ago and who I am now are two totally different people. And I don't mean to sound cliché-ish but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine myself being part of the photo and video ministry of my church, CCF.
A year ago, not once have I attended our anniversary in Araneta Coliseum but this year, not only did I have the joy of worshiping at Araneta but I also had the privilege of documenting the event. Never did I imagine that I would get to sing and act for Jzone. (yes, I am now part of the prompters in Jzone) And yes I recently acted for a teaser video that was patterned after the CSI tv series.
I've also done several projects such as marketing collaterals for the different ministries and I've also helped out with some editing of the different videos for the upcoming retreats this sembreak. It is such a rewarding experience because not only do I get to improve and hone my skills (I meant Photoshop skills) but I also get to serve God through the different ministries I'm part of.
If you came up to me exactly a year ago and told me that I was going to do all of the things above, I'd probably scoff at you and say straight to your face that you've probably got the wrong man. I was so focused on getting by with the little precarious moments of levity that I would get from a good conversation or a simple compliment. Anything that made me feel high was my source of fuel. Anything that came close to euphoria, I held onto for dear life. When I think about it, it never really gave me the sense of security that I was looking for. Holding on to the things I thought were significant never gave me the happiness that I was looking for.
Everything that I thought to be important turned out to be an illusion.
That is, until I got reacquainted with Jesus Christ. And after that, my life was never the same again. I can tell you of things you already knew since your grade school days. I could tell you of the man whose great love for you led Him to the path of calvary and eventually to His demise so that all our sins could be forgiven: past, present and future. Yes, even the ones you're planning make. He already forgave you of that. I could get down and theoretical and give you several reasons why the Bible is more accurate and reliable than the historical manuscripts of Plato. I could do all of those things but I won't because every single one of those justifications, every single one of those valid truths pale in comparison to the changed life that I now hold in Jesus Christ.
Like the blind man who was healed by Jesus, I can only say something similar: "I was once hopeless but have now found Hope. I was once unhappy but have now found the only source of Joy. I was once helpless and weak yet now I am supplied with all the Strength I'll ever need."
I didn't find it through religion, I didn't find it through being spriritual. I found everything that changed my life in Jesus. All praise, glory and honor to my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ for His mercies and blessings!
God is indeed in the business of changing lives. I stifle a wry smile when I think about my state 365 days ago. I sincerely never knew that I would have met so many new people in such a short time. I never knew that I would be actively involved in the different ministries in church. Ever. Here I was a lonely, lost and depressed soul looking for something that would matter in his life.
I always get a kick out of reminiscing the past year because who I was a year ago and who I am now are two totally different people. And I don't mean to sound cliché-ish but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine myself being part of the photo and video ministry of my church, CCF.
A year ago, not once have I attended our anniversary in Araneta Coliseum but this year, not only did I have the joy of worshiping at Araneta but I also had the privilege of documenting the event. Never did I imagine that I would get to sing and act for Jzone. (yes, I am now part of the prompters in Jzone) And yes I recently acted for a teaser video that was patterned after the CSI tv series.
I've also done several projects such as marketing collaterals for the different ministries and I've also helped out with some editing of the different videos for the upcoming retreats this sembreak. It is such a rewarding experience because not only do I get to improve and hone my skills (I meant Photoshop skills) but I also get to serve God through the different ministries I'm part of.
If you came up to me exactly a year ago and told me that I was going to do all of the things above, I'd probably scoff at you and say straight to your face that you've probably got the wrong man. I was so focused on getting by with the little precarious moments of levity that I would get from a good conversation or a simple compliment. Anything that made me feel high was my source of fuel. Anything that came close to euphoria, I held onto for dear life. When I think about it, it never really gave me the sense of security that I was looking for. Holding on to the things I thought were significant never gave me the happiness that I was looking for.
Everything that I thought to be important turned out to be an illusion.
That is, until I got reacquainted with Jesus Christ. And after that, my life was never the same again. I can tell you of things you already knew since your grade school days. I could tell you of the man whose great love for you led Him to the path of calvary and eventually to His demise so that all our sins could be forgiven: past, present and future. Yes, even the ones you're planning make. He already forgave you of that. I could get down and theoretical and give you several reasons why the Bible is more accurate and reliable than the historical manuscripts of Plato. I could do all of those things but I won't because every single one of those justifications, every single one of those valid truths pale in comparison to the changed life that I now hold in Jesus Christ.
Like the blind man who was healed by Jesus, I can only say something similar: "I was once hopeless but have now found Hope. I was once unhappy but have now found the only source of Joy. I was once helpless and weak yet now I am supplied with all the Strength I'll ever need."
I didn't find it through religion, I didn't find it through being spriritual. I found everything that changed my life in Jesus. All praise, glory and honor to my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ for His mercies and blessings!
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Fab Friday
Fab Friday
Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose." It was yesterday that I witnessed this verse manifest in my life.
I woke up with such a heavy heart. I knew I was not focusing on God as much as I needed and wanted to. The past few days spoke of doubt and "what ifs". It seemed that this week, God wasn't my center. But I wanted Him to be. Recently, I have been experiencing some pressing matters of the heart. I woke up and I just felt incomplete. After I cried in prayer and surrendered all of my cares to Him, a certain sense of peace overcame me. It wasn't a fabricated kind of peace rather it was so genuine that it was inexplicable. I always loved when Philippians 4:7 would come alive in my life because I trusted in Jesus. It says, "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Nothing can be farther from the truth.
And then when I was on my way to CCF, one of my Jzone dgroup member texted me saying that he could not see the point of living. There was so much despair and desolation in that one body of message that I couldn't help but be anxious and scared for him. After texting his discipler and my other dgroup mate, I just prayed for him. I saw him in Soulstop and he really looked like he came from a crisis. The message came and several hours passed. When we ended the discussion, he was so joyful and blessed that all of his questions were answered by God during the span of 5 hours. Amazing! When we cry out to God when we're at the end of the rope, there is nothing that He will not do to reveal Himself and His goodness to us. Praise God! (I also brought a first-timer friend and was able to share the gospel to another first-timer. Woohoo! \:D/)
After Soulstop, my friends and I went to Somethin' Fishy in Libis to eat. (yes naman, gimik! ^_^) It was a nice ending for the week to just fellowship with good friends. I also learned a lot about some of my friends and I also got some invaluable inputs for my walk with God. Truly a very blessed Friday. Thank you, Lord for everything!
Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose." It was yesterday that I witnessed this verse manifest in my life.
I woke up with such a heavy heart. I knew I was not focusing on God as much as I needed and wanted to. The past few days spoke of doubt and "what ifs". It seemed that this week, God wasn't my center. But I wanted Him to be. Recently, I have been experiencing some pressing matters of the heart. I woke up and I just felt incomplete. After I cried in prayer and surrendered all of my cares to Him, a certain sense of peace overcame me. It wasn't a fabricated kind of peace rather it was so genuine that it was inexplicable. I always loved when Philippians 4:7 would come alive in my life because I trusted in Jesus. It says, "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Nothing can be farther from the truth.
And then when I was on my way to CCF, one of my Jzone dgroup member texted me saying that he could not see the point of living. There was so much despair and desolation in that one body of message that I couldn't help but be anxious and scared for him. After texting his discipler and my other dgroup mate, I just prayed for him. I saw him in Soulstop and he really looked like he came from a crisis. The message came and several hours passed. When we ended the discussion, he was so joyful and blessed that all of his questions were answered by God during the span of 5 hours. Amazing! When we cry out to God when we're at the end of the rope, there is nothing that He will not do to reveal Himself and His goodness to us. Praise God! (I also brought a first-timer friend and was able to share the gospel to another first-timer. Woohoo! \:D/)
After Soulstop, my friends and I went to Somethin' Fishy in Libis to eat. (yes naman, gimik! ^_^) It was a nice ending for the week to just fellowship with good friends. I also learned a lot about some of my friends and I also got some invaluable inputs for my walk with God. Truly a very blessed Friday. Thank you, Lord for everything!
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Blessed in Baguio
Blessed in Baguio
I just came from a mini-retreat in Baguio. After 2,527 days, I came back to the so-called "Most Peaceful City in the Philippines". (at least that's what I saw on the signboard on Kennon Road. ^_^
Baguio horizon at around 5:30 AM
Anyway, it was such a blast. I went with my discipler, Kuya Ryan, his sister, Rizza and the other campus missionaries. We had devotionals every night and we brainstormed on how to improve Jzone. It was simply awesome how God answered the little prayers that we asked from parking to sunshine. Everything was so timely that it could have only been orchestrated by Him. *sigh* Yes, God is in the details.
Kuya Ryan at the back and the campus missionaries ^_^
Kuya Ryan: (while driving along Session Road) "O guys, pray for parking."
10 seconds pass
Kuya Ryan: (stops beside an empty parking space and looks at us) "Pwede ba dito?" ^_^
Kuya Ryan: (while sitting at the back of the Starex) "Let's pray na hindi umulan." (we wanted to play mini-golf)
*We get to the mini-golf place with the sun absolutely nowhere in sight and then by the time we get to the 9th hole, we were already taking off our jackets because we were already sweating. After we leave the mini-golf area, it starts to drizzle. o_0
It was my first time to play mini-golf! L-)
And last but not the least, during our last day we wanted to eat at along Session Road. We just came from the market for our pasalubong shopping and decided to eat this one resto, Sizzling Plate. Knowing how cramped up that stretch can be at night, we prayed for parking again. Guess where we found an empty slot? Hahaha! Right in front of Sizzling Plate!
Only by God's grace! How wonderful to witness Him working in our midst! Praise God! :)
I just came from a mini-retreat in Baguio. After 2,527 days, I came back to the so-called "Most Peaceful City in the Philippines". (at least that's what I saw on the signboard on Kennon Road. ^_^
Baguio horizon at around 5:30 AM
Anyway, it was such a blast. I went with my discipler, Kuya Ryan, his sister, Rizza and the other campus missionaries. We had devotionals every night and we brainstormed on how to improve Jzone. It was simply awesome how God answered the little prayers that we asked from parking to sunshine. Everything was so timely that it could have only been orchestrated by Him. *sigh* Yes, God is in the details.
Kuya Ryan at the back and the campus missionaries ^_^
Kuya Ryan: (while driving along Session Road) "O guys, pray for parking."
10 seconds pass
Kuya Ryan: (stops beside an empty parking space and looks at us) "Pwede ba dito?" ^_^
Kuya Ryan: (while sitting at the back of the Starex) "Let's pray na hindi umulan." (we wanted to play mini-golf)
*We get to the mini-golf place with the sun absolutely nowhere in sight and then by the time we get to the 9th hole, we were already taking off our jackets because we were already sweating. After we leave the mini-golf area, it starts to drizzle. o_0
It was my first time to play mini-golf! L-)
And last but not the least, during our last day we wanted to eat at along Session Road. We just came from the market for our pasalubong shopping and decided to eat this one resto, Sizzling Plate. Knowing how cramped up that stretch can be at night, we prayed for parking again. Guess where we found an empty slot? Hahaha! Right in front of Sizzling Plate!
Only by God's grace! How wonderful to witness Him working in our midst! Praise God! :)
Sunday, September 11, 2005
WD4J Dance Concert
WD4J Dance Concert 2005
The show absolutely rocked.
When I was watching those 20 people dance, I was absolutely stunned. I have to admit that I love dancing (although it doesn't love me) and I also love watching people dance. Seeing them serve the Lord through through dance just blessed me so much.
WD4J stands for “We Dance For Jesus”. It's CCF's very own dance ministry that serves God and seeks to bring the message of the gospel to everybody. In the Bible, you'll see several allusions for dancing as a form of worship to God. It is associated with joy and contrasted with mourning. “You turned my mourning into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy” (Psalm 30:11) After several people gave their testimonies of how their broken lives were changed by Jesus' love, that verse literally came alive when I saw them dance.
Some of us are mostly accustomed to associating miracles to people being healed from cancer or to reports of a survivor of a plane crash. Those amazing stories pale in comparison to changed lives. After all, wouldn't your life be changed if you suddenly went from "terminally ill" to a person who has a "clean bill of health"? Would you not say it was a miracle if you survived a plane crash when two-thirds of the people onboard perished?
Words fail me now but all I know is if you are in Jesus' love, your life will never be the same again. No life is so broken that God cannot mend it. No soul is so unlovely that God cannot love it. Praise God and glory to Him alone! Thank you, Lord!!!
The show absolutely rocked.
When I was watching those 20 people dance, I was absolutely stunned. I have to admit that I love dancing (although it doesn't love me) and I also love watching people dance. Seeing them serve the Lord through through dance just blessed me so much.
WD4J stands for “We Dance For Jesus”. It's CCF's very own dance ministry that serves God and seeks to bring the message of the gospel to everybody. In the Bible, you'll see several allusions for dancing as a form of worship to God. It is associated with joy and contrasted with mourning. “You turned my mourning into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy” (Psalm 30:11) After several people gave their testimonies of how their broken lives were changed by Jesus' love, that verse literally came alive when I saw them dance.
Some of us are mostly accustomed to associating miracles to people being healed from cancer or to reports of a survivor of a plane crash. Those amazing stories pale in comparison to changed lives. After all, wouldn't your life be changed if you suddenly went from "terminally ill" to a person who has a "clean bill of health"? Would you not say it was a miracle if you survived a plane crash when two-thirds of the people onboard perished?
Words fail me now but all I know is if you are in Jesus' love, your life will never be the same again. No life is so broken that God cannot mend it. No soul is so unlovely that God cannot love it. Praise God and glory to Him alone! Thank you, Lord!!!
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Amidst A Squall
Amidst A Squall
"As the waters cover the sea, so Your love covers me..."
Last night I cried myself to sleep listening to these lyrics. I just didn't know what was wrong. I was feeling so down and discouraged because of some things. Sometimes, I just can't help but feel so lost and homesick in this fallen world. I wonder sometimes why things are so complicated. I just pray that God takes away the restlessness that I feel right now.
There are times that I want so much to understand why things happen to me. I so desperately want to just understand why I am having these feelings. And amidst all of the confusion that I am in now, all I can do is ask God what He wants me to learn in all of this.
"Lord, if this will bring me closer to you, then I'm all for it. Let the waves come and allow the wind to beat against me, but take me through the storm."
"As the waters cover the sea, so Your love covers me..."
Last night I cried myself to sleep listening to these lyrics. I just didn't know what was wrong. I was feeling so down and discouraged because of some things. Sometimes, I just can't help but feel so lost and homesick in this fallen world. I wonder sometimes why things are so complicated. I just pray that God takes away the restlessness that I feel right now.
There are times that I want so much to understand why things happen to me. I so desperately want to just understand why I am having these feelings. And amidst all of the confusion that I am in now, all I can do is ask God what He wants me to learn in all of this.
"Lord, if this will bring me closer to you, then I'm all for it. Let the waves come and allow the wind to beat against me, but take me through the storm."
Sunday, August 28, 2005
CCF is now 21!
CCF is now 21!
We celebrated CCF's 21st Anniversary last Sunday at the Araneta Coliseum. The place was packed to the tune of about 15,000 people. I would like to describe the feeling of what it is to praise and worship the Lord in such a setting but words fail me. I caught myself smiling while singing "Days of Elijah".
Behold He comes! Riding on the clouds!
Shining like the sun! At the trumpet call
Lift your voice! It's the year of Jubilee!
And out of Zion's hill salvation comes!
Praising the Lord
It was definitely an unbelievable experience. To begin the worship service, we sang some songs. We sang for a full 45 minute stretch but it felt like it was only a minute. I realized that all of eternity will not be enough for me to declare how God good is and how grateful I am. *sigh*
Humbled in the presence of God
So much to learn about our God...we still continue with our willful ways yet He is ever-loving. Whatever perfect love you're looking for, you will ALWAYS find in Him.
Thank you, Lord!
We celebrated CCF's 21st Anniversary last Sunday at the Araneta Coliseum. The place was packed to the tune of about 15,000 people. I would like to describe the feeling of what it is to praise and worship the Lord in such a setting but words fail me. I caught myself smiling while singing "Days of Elijah".
Behold He comes! Riding on the clouds!
Shining like the sun! At the trumpet call
Lift your voice! It's the year of Jubilee!
And out of Zion's hill salvation comes!
Praising the Lord
It was definitely an unbelievable experience. To begin the worship service, we sang some songs. We sang for a full 45 minute stretch but it felt like it was only a minute. I realized that all of eternity will not be enough for me to declare how God good is and how grateful I am. *sigh*
Humbled in the presence of God
So much to learn about our God...we still continue with our willful ways yet He is ever-loving. Whatever perfect love you're looking for, you will ALWAYS find in Him.
Thank you, Lord!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
A Rare Morning
A Rare Morning
It's 5:30 in the morning and I'm wide awake. The only time I remember being like this is when I'm going to an out of town trip or something like that. Even though I've only managed to sleep for just about an hour, I'm wide awake. I had one of the most meaningful quiet times an hour ago. I guess it was because I was able to wake up and pray to God in total silence. Nothing in the background. Just me and God.
It was just simply wonderful. *sigh* I always love the promise of Jeremiah 29:13 because it holds true for me each and every time I practice it. It says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Grabe. I feel like I'm in love again. I wish feelings were as easily conveyed as words. For the people who've never experienced falling in love with God, you're missing a lot. And I mean that with all sincerity.
Thank you, Lord. "Hold me in your arms, never let me go. I want to spend eternity with you....I wanna be with you." - Hillsongs
It's 5:30 in the morning and I'm wide awake. The only time I remember being like this is when I'm going to an out of town trip or something like that. Even though I've only managed to sleep for just about an hour, I'm wide awake. I had one of the most meaningful quiet times an hour ago. I guess it was because I was able to wake up and pray to God in total silence. Nothing in the background. Just me and God.
It was just simply wonderful. *sigh* I always love the promise of Jeremiah 29:13 because it holds true for me each and every time I practice it. It says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Grabe. I feel like I'm in love again. I wish feelings were as easily conveyed as words. For the people who've never experienced falling in love with God, you're missing a lot. And I mean that with all sincerity.
Thank you, Lord. "Hold me in your arms, never let me go. I want to spend eternity with you....I wanna be with you." - Hillsongs
Friday, August 19, 2005
IMG_350D
IMG_350D
A year ago, I never thought about starting a new hobby. I never pictured myself getting into photography. But here I am, already the enthusiastic shutterbug. I didn't realize it was so much fun. Right now, I'm just so grateful to God for leading me to pursue this newfound passion. Also I thank Him for blessing me with a brand new dSLR. *sigh*
Introducing my new baby... ^_^
Not the actual cam but yes, I got the black one.
A manual never looked so good.
Our cute and cheerful Labrador who is aptly named "Bubbles"
Just some barbed wire fencing our neighbor's lot.
I once thought photography was such a simple thing but there's so much more to learn about color, ISO settings, composition, depth of field. It's still a bit daunting for me because I only learned the meaning of these terms around a month ago. It's scary getting into a new hobby but as an artist-at-heart, it's also exciting for me because it's the closest thing I can get to portraying the world around me. I would have gone into painting but I'm not good at it.
Now, I'm just trying to work my way with what I know and hopefully, I'll be able to pick up some nifty tricks of the trade from the people who have more experience in this new hobby of mine. ^_^
To God be all the glory!
A year ago, I never thought about starting a new hobby. I never pictured myself getting into photography. But here I am, already the enthusiastic shutterbug. I didn't realize it was so much fun. Right now, I'm just so grateful to God for leading me to pursue this newfound passion. Also I thank Him for blessing me with a brand new dSLR. *sigh*
Introducing my new baby... ^_^
Not the actual cam but yes, I got the black one.
A manual never looked so good.
Our cute and cheerful Labrador who is aptly named "Bubbles"
Just some barbed wire fencing our neighbor's lot.
I once thought photography was such a simple thing but there's so much more to learn about color, ISO settings, composition, depth of field. It's still a bit daunting for me because I only learned the meaning of these terms around a month ago. It's scary getting into a new hobby but as an artist-at-heart, it's also exciting for me because it's the closest thing I can get to portraying the world around me. I would have gone into painting but I'm not good at it.
Now, I'm just trying to work my way with what I know and hopefully, I'll be able to pick up some nifty tricks of the trade from the people who have more experience in this new hobby of mine. ^_^
To God be all the glory!
Sunday, August 14, 2005
A Love Letter to God
A Love Letter to God
I wrote this on June 11, 2005. It will be my first of many letters I'm sure. After 24 years of obliviously living for myself, I can't imagine how I've managed to go through life without loving my Creator this much.
Dearest Heavenly Father,
I don't really remember writing to you a letter ever. If this is indeed my first one then I want to be able to say what my heart is really wanting to say: I want to thank you for loving me first, I want to thank you for saving me from eternal separation from You. I thank You that despite my foolish ways, you still gave me a way back to Your love. Sometimes I forget how faithful You were or how great Your love is. I almost believed the lie that you wouldn't forgive me of my favorite sin. I know you remember that time because I think I almost felt you grieve over my disobedience. I am glad that You gave me the grace to come back to you like a prodigal son. You really do love me. I know that now. I am unable to say anything but thank you. I was lost but You still looked for me. And after five years, here we are together again. I never want to leave, Lord. Never again.
Your loving son,
Zeus
It is my prayer that each and every one of you who reads this may come to know the loving Father that I know, the caring God that gave everything up for me. The peace that you are looking for is only in Him.
I wrote this on June 11, 2005. It will be my first of many letters I'm sure. After 24 years of obliviously living for myself, I can't imagine how I've managed to go through life without loving my Creator this much.
Dearest Heavenly Father,
I don't really remember writing to you a letter ever. If this is indeed my first one then I want to be able to say what my heart is really wanting to say: I want to thank you for loving me first, I want to thank you for saving me from eternal separation from You. I thank You that despite my foolish ways, you still gave me a way back to Your love. Sometimes I forget how faithful You were or how great Your love is. I almost believed the lie that you wouldn't forgive me of my favorite sin. I know you remember that time because I think I almost felt you grieve over my disobedience. I am glad that You gave me the grace to come back to you like a prodigal son. You really do love me. I know that now. I am unable to say anything but thank you. I was lost but You still looked for me. And after five years, here we are together again. I never want to leave, Lord. Never again.
Your loving son,
Zeus
It is my prayer that each and every one of you who reads this may come to know the loving Father that I know, the caring God that gave everything up for me. The peace that you are looking for is only in Him.
Friday, August 12, 2005
A Generation of Wants
A Generation of Wants
Our generation (at least here in the Philippines) is a generation of wants. It's evident that we always crave for "something more". And though some arguably attribute that desire for more to our human nature, it still all boils down to choice. Of course, some people would ask, "Well, what's wrong in wanting something better for yourself?" "What's wrong in wanting a better life?"
Ah, but that's when things get twisted. The quality of life is then determined by the quantity of material things. For others, it's the quality of some things. We "long for" and "dream of" and "desire" and sometimes, even think that we "need" the things of this world. As with all addictions, we fail to realize that what we want, isn't what we need. We can think of a thousand and one excuses why we "need" something because the truth is if we want something so bad, we can actually come up with a thousand more.
The reasons behind our wants range from the logical "because-I-can-afford-it" to the shallow "because-it's-the-newest-model". We think it's justifiable that we blame it on the media and how they make you think you need something you really don't. Some may even shift the blame to the companies who deliberately strip down a phone's features just so they can release its "upgraded" version six months after. Whatever things we get our hands on, it's just simply not enough. At least according to us.
I recently upgraded from a 6210 to a 6630 a few months back. And though I appreciate the ability to shoot random photos whenever I want to, I could honestly say that if they still sold the cybersilver version of the 6210 even for the same price, I would have gotten that instead. Why? First of all, because I am a creature of habit. From a locked state, I could unlock that phone, go to the write message screen, text and send a message with that phone using my off-hand behind my back. I only replaced it because it really was in the habit of conking out whenever the battery was nudged out of place. So there. Most importantly, I realized that I was content with that phone. I didn't "need" to have any cameras attached to it nor did I have the desire to have a polyphonic ringtone instead of one that resembled a Morse code message.
The things we need to ask ourselves are:
"Do we really need to get the latest model?"
"Do we really need that much memory?"
"Do we really need to have that gadget?"
I shake my head in vain because there are times that I do succumb to that question and say, "Of course, I do!" I guess the lust for technology will always show our true colors. But if we stand fast and remind ourselves about what's important in life, we will realize that all the things we believe to be important are as fleeting as waves tossed in the ocean.
The quality of life isn't measured in gigabytes or limited edition chrome finishes but in the lives we touch, the amount of forgiveness we offer and the smiles we give away.
Our generation (at least here in the Philippines) is a generation of wants. It's evident that we always crave for "something more". And though some arguably attribute that desire for more to our human nature, it still all boils down to choice. Of course, some people would ask, "Well, what's wrong in wanting something better for yourself?" "What's wrong in wanting a better life?"
Ah, but that's when things get twisted. The quality of life is then determined by the quantity of material things. For others, it's the quality of some things. We "long for" and "dream of" and "desire" and sometimes, even think that we "need" the things of this world. As with all addictions, we fail to realize that what we want, isn't what we need. We can think of a thousand and one excuses why we "need" something because the truth is if we want something so bad, we can actually come up with a thousand more.
The reasons behind our wants range from the logical "because-I-can-afford-it" to the shallow "because-it's-the-newest-model". We think it's justifiable that we blame it on the media and how they make you think you need something you really don't. Some may even shift the blame to the companies who deliberately strip down a phone's features just so they can release its "upgraded" version six months after. Whatever things we get our hands on, it's just simply not enough. At least according to us.
I recently upgraded from a 6210 to a 6630 a few months back. And though I appreciate the ability to shoot random photos whenever I want to, I could honestly say that if they still sold the cybersilver version of the 6210 even for the same price, I would have gotten that instead. Why? First of all, because I am a creature of habit. From a locked state, I could unlock that phone, go to the write message screen, text and send a message with that phone using my off-hand behind my back. I only replaced it because it really was in the habit of conking out whenever the battery was nudged out of place. So there. Most importantly, I realized that I was content with that phone. I didn't "need" to have any cameras attached to it nor did I have the desire to have a polyphonic ringtone instead of one that resembled a Morse code message.
The things we need to ask ourselves are:
"Do we really need to get the latest model?"
"Do we really need that much memory?"
"Do we really need to have that gadget?"
I shake my head in vain because there are times that I do succumb to that question and say, "Of course, I do!" I guess the lust for technology will always show our true colors. But if we stand fast and remind ourselves about what's important in life, we will realize that all the things we believe to be important are as fleeting as waves tossed in the ocean.
The quality of life isn't measured in gigabytes or limited edition chrome finishes but in the lives we touch, the amount of forgiveness we offer and the smiles we give away.
Friday, August 05, 2005
I'm Back!
I'm Back!
After a long, six-week hiatus, I was finally able to play the sport that I've always loved. Last June, I sprained my ankle and ever since that day, I never got around to dribbling a basketball on a court until last Wednesday. Man, it's good to be back! It's true what they say about the things you take for granted: you never know what you've got until it's gone. Fortunately for me, basketball was just put on hold.
What made my so-called comeback better was that a lot of people came to play. It was a blessing because the regulars said most of the people who played that night weren't attending before. Fifteen players is a good, solid number for a pick-up game. First ten gets to play, then the remaining five challenges the winner of the first game.
Of course, I was a step slower and I really didn't have much "oomph" in my game because let's face it, I was rusty as heck. Also, when I jab my left foot at an angle, it hurts a wee bit. I'm just grateful that I am able to run up and down the court. Hopefully I get back into shape and improve. I guess, I need to go back and practice my game. If it took me six weeks to heal, I don't mind waiting for six months to finally improve on my game. It'll come I'm sure.
After a long, six-week hiatus, I was finally able to play the sport that I've always loved. Last June, I sprained my ankle and ever since that day, I never got around to dribbling a basketball on a court until last Wednesday. Man, it's good to be back! It's true what they say about the things you take for granted: you never know what you've got until it's gone. Fortunately for me, basketball was just put on hold.
What made my so-called comeback better was that a lot of people came to play. It was a blessing because the regulars said most of the people who played that night weren't attending before. Fifteen players is a good, solid number for a pick-up game. First ten gets to play, then the remaining five challenges the winner of the first game.
Of course, I was a step slower and I really didn't have much "oomph" in my game because let's face it, I was rusty as heck. Also, when I jab my left foot at an angle, it hurts a wee bit. I'm just grateful that I am able to run up and down the court. Hopefully I get back into shape and improve. I guess, I need to go back and practice my game. If it took me six weeks to heal, I don't mind waiting for six months to finally improve on my game. It'll come I'm sure.
The Price
The Price
This is something that I received from a friend. This just reminds me of the goodness of God. And maybe you, the reader, fail to see now the significance of what He did on the cross but He did it for YOU anyway. The love I received from Him is so inexplicably undeserved. But He never hesitated to do it for me and you.
The Price
There once was a man named George Thomas,
pastor in a small New England town. One Easter
Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a
rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit.
Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response,
Pastor Thomas began to speak..."I was walking
through town yesterday when I saw a young boy
coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the
bottom of the cage were three little wild birds,
shivering with cold and fright. I stopped the lad and
asked, "What you got there, son?" "Just some old
birds," came the reply.
"What are you gonna do with them?" I asked.
"Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he
answered. "I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their
feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real
good time"
"But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later.
What will you do?"
"Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy. "They
like birds. I'll take 'em to them."
The pastor was silent for a moment. "How much
do you want for those birds, son?"
"Huh?? !!! Why, you don't want them birds,
mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't
sing. They ain't even pretty!"
"How much?" the pastor asked again.
The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy
and said, "$10?"
The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a
ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a
flash, the boy was gone.
The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried
it to the end of the alley where there was a tree
and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he
opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars
persuaded the birds out, setting them free.
Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the
pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story.
One day Satan and Jesus were having a
conversation.
Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden,
and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just
caught the world full of people down there. Set them
a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"
"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus
asked.
Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna
teach them how to marry and divorce each other,
how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink
and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how
to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm
really gonna have fun!"
"And what will you do when you get done with
them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly.
"How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no
good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate
you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you.
You don't want those people!!"
"How much?" He asked again.
Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your
blood, tears and your life."
Jesus said, "DONE!"
Then He paid the price.
The pastor picked up the cage he opened the
door and he walked from the pulpit.
We were supposed to go straight to Hell yet by His grace showed on the cross, we have the choice of where our final destination will be.
This is something that I received from a friend. This just reminds me of the goodness of God. And maybe you, the reader, fail to see now the significance of what He did on the cross but He did it for YOU anyway. The love I received from Him is so inexplicably undeserved. But He never hesitated to do it for me and you.
The Price
There once was a man named George Thomas,
pastor in a small New England town. One Easter
Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a
rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit.
Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response,
Pastor Thomas began to speak..."I was walking
through town yesterday when I saw a young boy
coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the
bottom of the cage were three little wild birds,
shivering with cold and fright. I stopped the lad and
asked, "What you got there, son?" "Just some old
birds," came the reply.
"What are you gonna do with them?" I asked.
"Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he
answered. "I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their
feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real
good time"
"But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later.
What will you do?"
"Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy. "They
like birds. I'll take 'em to them."
The pastor was silent for a moment. "How much
do you want for those birds, son?"
"Huh?? !!! Why, you don't want them birds,
mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't
sing. They ain't even pretty!"
"How much?" the pastor asked again.
The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy
and said, "$10?"
The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a
ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a
flash, the boy was gone.
The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried
it to the end of the alley where there was a tree
and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he
opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars
persuaded the birds out, setting them free.
Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the
pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story.
One day Satan and Jesus were having a
conversation.
Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden,
and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just
caught the world full of people down there. Set them
a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"
"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus
asked.
Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna
teach them how to marry and divorce each other,
how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink
and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how
to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm
really gonna have fun!"
"And what will you do when you get done with
them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly.
"How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no
good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate
you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you.
You don't want those people!!"
"How much?" He asked again.
Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your
blood, tears and your life."
Jesus said, "DONE!"
Then He paid the price.
The pastor picked up the cage he opened the
door and he walked from the pulpit.
We were supposed to go straight to Hell yet by His grace showed on the cross, we have the choice of where our final destination will be.
Sunday, July 31, 2005
40 Things About Me
40 Things About Me
1. Pick 1 of your scars out now. How did you get it?
One just above the knee. When we were kids, my brother I were playing and burning with straws when he accidentally dropped a searing plastic droplet over that area. Ouch talaga.
2. What's on the walls of your room?
One larger than life Allen Iverson poster. It scares the heck out of my mom every time. ^_^
3. Would you rather play or watch football?
Definitely play. But I think futsal is more convenient because you won't have to look for a field and a lot of players.
4. What sport would you say you're good at?
Basketball I guess. I used to be really adept in billiards. I quit playing because people smoke whenever they play.
5. What was your worst nightmare?
I had one when I was about 11 or 12 years old. I dreamt that I was being chased by an army of zombies. But I recently had one that even topped that. Hehe. Ask me and I'll let you know.
6. Apples or oranges?
Apples. I'm too lazy to peel oranges. Hehe.
7. Grapes or watermelon?
Grapes. Dapat seedless. :p
8. Wolves or tigers?
Tigers? (I'm still assuming that I want to eat these right? Hehe.)
9. What sort of music do you listen to?
Anything except country. I can still tolerate heavy rock/metal bands because I appreciate the likes of Slipknot.
10. Have you ever written poetry?
Yup. Outlet ko yun eh.
11. Do you remember birthdays?
Yes.
12. Do you know what time you were born?
7-something in the morning?
13. What's your fave phrase to use?
"Galing!", "Lupet" or "Asteeeg"
14. Are you a sweet person?
Yeah.
15. What were you doing before you started filling this in?
Checking my mail.
16. What is your favorite gum?
Bubbleyum.
17. Fave chocolate?
Hm..Nestlé Crunch and York. :)
18. Fave candy?
Haw flakes. Candy ba yun?
19. Chocolate or vanilla ice-cream?
Chocolate.
20. What is the first thing you notice on someone? (opposite gender)
Her eyes.
21. What's your fav smell?
D&G Blue.
22. Fave sound that you hear often?
Hehe. "chimeup.wav" For the geeks, you'll know this.
23. What are you thinking about right now?
When is it going to rain?
25. What color are your eyes?
Dark brown.
26. Have you ever slept with a stuffed animal?
Yeah. I had a dog and a bear once.
27. What's the name of the stuffed anmal?
Hmmm...I don't remember. Sorry. :p
28. Who was your first crush when you were little?
The girl next door. I was seven back then. She was eight. Her name was Shiela.
29. What kind of hair do you like on the opposite sex?
Long flowing hair. I was brought up during the "Gee, your hair smells terrific" era. Hence, the affinity for long hair. :)
30. Who out of ur friends (same gender) have you known the longest?
A.J. Known him for more than a decade.
31. Sunrise or sunset?
Sunsets. They're awesome. I even wish they didn't go away so abruptly though.
32. Where can you see urself being proposed to/at?
Uhh..if this is what I think it is, I really don't know. I'm not sure yet if I'm called to be married. I'm still waiting. Although I'd like to become a good father.
33. Movies?
What about them? Favorite one? What Dreams May Come.
34. Where can you see urself goin for your honeymooon?
I'd take her to a beautiful, quiet beach.
35. Can you play an instrument?
Yes. I play the guitar.
36. Band/s?
Am I part of one or what is my favorite band?
38. What kind of books do you like to read?
Recently, Christian books. I've just finished What's So Amazing About Grace? and Rumors of Another World
39. Do you like poetry?
Of course. I wouldn't mind becoming a poet at the latter part of my life.
40. How do you like your coffee?
Strong. As long as it keeps me awake.
1. Pick 1 of your scars out now. How did you get it?
One just above the knee. When we were kids, my brother I were playing and burning with straws when he accidentally dropped a searing plastic droplet over that area. Ouch talaga.
2. What's on the walls of your room?
One larger than life Allen Iverson poster. It scares the heck out of my mom every time. ^_^
3. Would you rather play or watch football?
Definitely play. But I think futsal is more convenient because you won't have to look for a field and a lot of players.
4. What sport would you say you're good at?
Basketball I guess. I used to be really adept in billiards. I quit playing because people smoke whenever they play.
5. What was your worst nightmare?
I had one when I was about 11 or 12 years old. I dreamt that I was being chased by an army of zombies. But I recently had one that even topped that. Hehe. Ask me and I'll let you know.
6. Apples or oranges?
Apples. I'm too lazy to peel oranges. Hehe.
7. Grapes or watermelon?
Grapes. Dapat seedless. :p
8. Wolves or tigers?
Tigers? (I'm still assuming that I want to eat these right? Hehe.)
9. What sort of music do you listen to?
Anything except country. I can still tolerate heavy rock/metal bands because I appreciate the likes of Slipknot.
10. Have you ever written poetry?
Yup. Outlet ko yun eh.
11. Do you remember birthdays?
Yes.
12. Do you know what time you were born?
7-something in the morning?
13. What's your fave phrase to use?
"Galing!", "Lupet" or "Asteeeg"
14. Are you a sweet person?
Yeah.
15. What were you doing before you started filling this in?
Checking my mail.
16. What is your favorite gum?
Bubbleyum.
17. Fave chocolate?
Hm..Nestlé Crunch and York. :)
18. Fave candy?
Haw flakes. Candy ba yun?
19. Chocolate or vanilla ice-cream?
Chocolate.
20. What is the first thing you notice on someone? (opposite gender)
Her eyes.
21. What's your fav smell?
D&G Blue.
22. Fave sound that you hear often?
Hehe. "chimeup.wav" For the geeks, you'll know this.
23. What are you thinking about right now?
When is it going to rain?
25. What color are your eyes?
Dark brown.
26. Have you ever slept with a stuffed animal?
Yeah. I had a dog and a bear once.
27. What's the name of the stuffed anmal?
Hmmm...I don't remember. Sorry. :p
28. Who was your first crush when you were little?
The girl next door. I was seven back then. She was eight. Her name was Shiela.
29. What kind of hair do you like on the opposite sex?
Long flowing hair. I was brought up during the "Gee, your hair smells terrific" era. Hence, the affinity for long hair. :)
30. Who out of ur friends (same gender) have you known the longest?
A.J. Known him for more than a decade.
31. Sunrise or sunset?
Sunsets. They're awesome. I even wish they didn't go away so abruptly though.
32. Where can you see urself being proposed to/at?
Uhh..if this is what I think it is, I really don't know. I'm not sure yet if I'm called to be married. I'm still waiting. Although I'd like to become a good father.
33. Movies?
What about them? Favorite one? What Dreams May Come.
34. Where can you see urself goin for your honeymooon?
I'd take her to a beautiful, quiet beach.
35. Can you play an instrument?
Yes. I play the guitar.
36. Band/s?
Am I part of one or what is my favorite band?
38. What kind of books do you like to read?
Recently, Christian books. I've just finished What's So Amazing About Grace? and Rumors of Another World
39. Do you like poetry?
Of course. I wouldn't mind becoming a poet at the latter part of my life.
40. How do you like your coffee?
Strong. As long as it keeps me awake.
Friday, July 29, 2005
I'm Sorry...
I'm Sorry...
There are times that I can't seem to shake off all of the disappointments that I've done, all the hurts that I've caused, all the people I've abandoned, all the friends I've left behind.
I try to live my life as good as humanly possible but when I look back at my life and all of the people I've hurt, I cannot help but become teary-eyed. Instead of becoming a guide in this journey we call life, I've managed to make people fall and stumble along the way.
And as the title of this entry says, I am sorry. This isn't for any specific person. This is for everybody who knows me. And I know this entry is not impactful as a face-to-face apology but believe me, if I knew I had wronged you in any manner, I would not hesitate to ask for forgiveness from you. And so I would like to say sorry...
I am sorry for all the hurtful things that I've done to you, no matter how small or big they were.
I am sorry for becoming a stumbling block to you.
I am sorry for becoming a bad example when you needed me to become a good one.
I am sorry for being a bad example, period.
I am sorry because I made you feel insecure and/or uncomfortable.
I am sorry for not being true to my word.
I am sorry because I just rub you the wrong way.
How I wish I knew what I did wrong, so I could tell you now that it wasn't on purpose. How I wish you could know the person who I am now.
And for everybody who believes my sincerity, I hope you can forgive me.
I learned in Matthew 5:13 that as a Christian, I should be salt and light of the earth. I hate the feeling. I hate the feeling that there are times that I feel like that. I hate the feeling of knowing "patapon ang buhay ko na parang basahan" [my life is as useless as a filthy rag] .
And then came Jesus. You all know the story. He died for our sins; whatever shameful thing I have done, He already took the blame. God forgave all of my sins, all of the shameful things I have done. All of them. When I look at my life and realize that someone actually died for a filthy rag like me, I cannot do anything but respond in love. Who am I to shun a kind of love as inconceivable as that?
I have been forgiven a great deal.
So this is how the prodigal son must have felt.
There are times that I can't seem to shake off all of the disappointments that I've done, all the hurts that I've caused, all the people I've abandoned, all the friends I've left behind.
I try to live my life as good as humanly possible but when I look back at my life and all of the people I've hurt, I cannot help but become teary-eyed. Instead of becoming a guide in this journey we call life, I've managed to make people fall and stumble along the way.
And as the title of this entry says, I am sorry. This isn't for any specific person. This is for everybody who knows me. And I know this entry is not impactful as a face-to-face apology but believe me, if I knew I had wronged you in any manner, I would not hesitate to ask for forgiveness from you. And so I would like to say sorry...
I am sorry for all the hurtful things that I've done to you, no matter how small or big they were.
I am sorry for becoming a stumbling block to you.
I am sorry for becoming a bad example when you needed me to become a good one.
I am sorry for being a bad example, period.
I am sorry because I made you feel insecure and/or uncomfortable.
I am sorry for not being true to my word.
I am sorry because I just rub you the wrong way.
How I wish I knew what I did wrong, so I could tell you now that it wasn't on purpose. How I wish you could know the person who I am now.
And for everybody who believes my sincerity, I hope you can forgive me.
I learned in Matthew 5:13 that as a Christian, I should be salt and light of the earth. I hate the feeling. I hate the feeling that there are times that I feel like that. I hate the feeling of knowing "patapon ang buhay ko na parang basahan" [my life is as useless as a filthy rag] .
And then came Jesus. You all know the story. He died for our sins; whatever shameful thing I have done, He already took the blame. God forgave all of my sins, all of the shameful things I have done. All of them. When I look at my life and realize that someone actually died for a filthy rag like me, I cannot do anything but respond in love. Who am I to shun a kind of love as inconceivable as that?
I have been forgiven a great deal.
So this is how the prodigal son must have felt.
Monday, July 25, 2005
A Poem For Her
A Poem For Her
This is a post that is quite different from my previous entries. No matter how much I try, I still cannot seem to shake her image from my mind. And when she's there, it's as if everything else blurs in comparison. When I think about how innate our longing to love and be loved is, I remember a saying that goes, "We are, each of us angels with only one wing; and we can only fly by embracing one another."
Confessions
by Zeus Martinez
How can I not fall for you, my love?
How can I ever look into your quiet eyes
and not tremble through and through
because you are most beautiful in my sight?
I stop and hold my breath as if underwater
for I fear your radiance and allure
shall wrestle the life out of me
until I bequeath my consciousness to you.
How can I not smile when I see you smile?
How can I ever take back my heart
which now rests on the palm of your hand
like the moon does on the starlit sky?
I try with the greatest of efforts
to find the words to describe my state.
My captivated soul sighs as well as I
for you silence me and make me still.
Why did you have to be so beautiful?
Why did you have to be so enchanting & perfect
like a sunset over a vast blue horizon
in the waning hours of a summer's day.
I cannot help but fall for you.
As much as the waves cannot
help but seek out sand and shore
my heart gravitates towards you.
How can I not slip into simultaneous
fear and joy when you walk past me
you are the gentle summer breeze
that moves me to close my eyes and sigh.
As always, you are unaware of these
lofty confessions that I pronounce.
And you shall hear them but also
never understand how deep I've fallen.
How can I forget my enamored heart
still beats but finds you far from me?
I wish I could tell you everything
and then just walk away.
I need not wait for an answer
for I fear the truth it will contain.
I hope one day, I will have nothing to lose
so you may know what my heart wanted to say.
Until then, I still wonder without end.
Why of all the muses I have met,
the loveliest of them all had to be
the farthest from my reach.
For someone who doesn't know who she is in my life.
This is a post that is quite different from my previous entries. No matter how much I try, I still cannot seem to shake her image from my mind. And when she's there, it's as if everything else blurs in comparison. When I think about how innate our longing to love and be loved is, I remember a saying that goes, "We are, each of us angels with only one wing; and we can only fly by embracing one another."
Confessions
by Zeus Martinez
How can I not fall for you, my love?
How can I ever look into your quiet eyes
and not tremble through and through
because you are most beautiful in my sight?
I stop and hold my breath as if underwater
for I fear your radiance and allure
shall wrestle the life out of me
until I bequeath my consciousness to you.
How can I not smile when I see you smile?
How can I ever take back my heart
which now rests on the palm of your hand
like the moon does on the starlit sky?
I try with the greatest of efforts
to find the words to describe my state.
My captivated soul sighs as well as I
for you silence me and make me still.
Why did you have to be so beautiful?
Why did you have to be so enchanting & perfect
like a sunset over a vast blue horizon
in the waning hours of a summer's day.
I cannot help but fall for you.
As much as the waves cannot
help but seek out sand and shore
my heart gravitates towards you.
How can I not slip into simultaneous
fear and joy when you walk past me
you are the gentle summer breeze
that moves me to close my eyes and sigh.
As always, you are unaware of these
lofty confessions that I pronounce.
And you shall hear them but also
never understand how deep I've fallen.
How can I forget my enamored heart
still beats but finds you far from me?
I wish I could tell you everything
and then just walk away.
I need not wait for an answer
for I fear the truth it will contain.
I hope one day, I will have nothing to lose
so you may know what my heart wanted to say.
Until then, I still wonder without end.
Why of all the muses I have met,
the loveliest of them all had to be
the farthest from my reach.
For someone who doesn't know who she is in my life.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Beyond Recognition
Beyond Recognition
When the truth hits you, it hits you hard. I'm glad that for me, it has always been that way. I'm glad that whenever I realize something important, it doesn't just graze the surface of my mind but instead goes through it. I'm glad that whenever I have an epiphany of some sort, it doesn't leave a mark as small as a nine-inch nail rather it leaves an exit wound so big that it would be impossible to ignore.
Sadly, I learn some of life's most important lessons not through the experiences of others but by experiencing them firsthand. In order to learn important lessons, I somehow need to feel that freefalling sensation that jolts you to either sink or swim; either remain apathetic or do something about it.
I have experienced shedding tears for our country. I've actually felt what it was like to be desperate for a revival here in the Philippines. There was one time when I was in my room and I had just woken up. I began listening to a praise and worship song and suddenly I just broke down and cried because I realized how bad the situtation is in our country. It hit me and it hit me hard. The Philippines is slowly rotting away and giving itself to the corruption it had so openly renounced back in 1986.
The authorities who are supposed to be living examples of how to become Filipinos are the same people who are draining our motherland of Hope.
The middle-class people have given up on voicing out their opinions and more and more people are now just striving to get by instead thinking of building a future.
The masses have subscribed to the ideology that if a leader errs, he or she must step down or else be overthrown by a people power revolution. The Philippines has substituted a mild form of anarchy for democracy and the sad this is, we're not aware of it.
We are all Filipino citizens yet we can't seem to get along.
I couldn't help but anguish over the state that our country is in. You can almost predict what will happen if a politician screws up. To say that about the presidency is even an understatement. We all shout and scream at the people who we think are responsible yet we are deaf to our own conscience. We forget that when we point at others, three of our other fingers point back at us. It's frustrating because it's both all too simple and complicated for us Filipinos. I can't just say to people to start forgiving those who've wronged them because it is so unnatural. Yet forgiveness is one of the essential steps that what we need in order to turn this country around. I can't just come up to people and tell them to forget their pride because for some, pride is all what they think they have left. And for a few others, pride becomes more important than helping this country back on its feet.
I attended a prayer event last Saturday entitled D4G 11/11. D4G means "Desperate For God" and we committed ourselves to pray for the country every eleven 'o clock in the morning (or evening) for eleven straight days. I really didn't expect to give away any more tears but I did. I realized that as much as we would like think that we are good people, we really are not. I discovered that we have so much to be sorry for. We have so much strife and apathy in our land that when you realize it, the only thing you can say is, "No wonder this is happening to us today."
Pray for the country every eleven o' clock. Doesn't matter if it's morning or evening.
I agree with a certain Alexander Solzhenitsyn when he said that "Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened." Russia back then experienced moral and social chaos during the Communist regime. He says:
Over half a century ago, while I was still a child, I recall hearing a number of older people offer the following explanation for the great disasters that had befallen Russia: "Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened." Since then I have spent well-nigh fifty years working on the history of our revolution; in the process I have read hundreds of books, collected hundreds of personal testimonies, and have already contributed eight volumes of my own toward the effort of clearing away the rubble left by that upheaval. But if I were asked today to formulate as concisely as possible the main cause of the ruinous revolution that swallowed up some sixty million of our people, I could not put it more accurately than to repeat: "Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened."
Deuteronomy 28:1 says, "If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth." If you substitute the Philippines for the pronoun "you" in that verse, then God will "set the country high above all the nations on earth."
God is not a tyrant on a power trip. He is a loving Father who wants nothing else but the best for us. Some people will say that they'd rather have God Himself come down and just wave His hand and take out everything vile and unlawful in our country but the reality is, we're the only ones He is waiting for.
When a father asks his child not to touch a hot stove, He is saying that for his children's own good, not for his. However, if a child still decides to touch that hot stove, he will undoubtedly hurt himself. I believe that God will bless our nation if we turned from our wicked ways. But if we choose to ignore Him all the more, then we cannot expect ourselves not to get burned in the process.
When I picture the Philippines in this analogy, I cannot help but see a foolish child touching the hot stove again and again even when his hand is already covered in painful blisters. I wince as I continue to imagine the child's hand becoming more and more disfigured until it is beyond recognition. If that's what we Filipinos want, I'm sure as Heaven that's what we'll get.
When the truth hits you, it hits you hard. I'm glad that for me, it has always been that way. I'm glad that whenever I realize something important, it doesn't just graze the surface of my mind but instead goes through it. I'm glad that whenever I have an epiphany of some sort, it doesn't leave a mark as small as a nine-inch nail rather it leaves an exit wound so big that it would be impossible to ignore.
Sadly, I learn some of life's most important lessons not through the experiences of others but by experiencing them firsthand. In order to learn important lessons, I somehow need to feel that freefalling sensation that jolts you to either sink or swim; either remain apathetic or do something about it.
I have experienced shedding tears for our country. I've actually felt what it was like to be desperate for a revival here in the Philippines. There was one time when I was in my room and I had just woken up. I began listening to a praise and worship song and suddenly I just broke down and cried because I realized how bad the situtation is in our country. It hit me and it hit me hard. The Philippines is slowly rotting away and giving itself to the corruption it had so openly renounced back in 1986.
The authorities who are supposed to be living examples of how to become Filipinos are the same people who are draining our motherland of Hope.
The middle-class people have given up on voicing out their opinions and more and more people are now just striving to get by instead thinking of building a future.
The masses have subscribed to the ideology that if a leader errs, he or she must step down or else be overthrown by a people power revolution. The Philippines has substituted a mild form of anarchy for democracy and the sad this is, we're not aware of it.
We are all Filipino citizens yet we can't seem to get along.
I couldn't help but anguish over the state that our country is in. You can almost predict what will happen if a politician screws up. To say that about the presidency is even an understatement. We all shout and scream at the people who we think are responsible yet we are deaf to our own conscience. We forget that when we point at others, three of our other fingers point back at us. It's frustrating because it's both all too simple and complicated for us Filipinos. I can't just say to people to start forgiving those who've wronged them because it is so unnatural. Yet forgiveness is one of the essential steps that what we need in order to turn this country around. I can't just come up to people and tell them to forget their pride because for some, pride is all what they think they have left. And for a few others, pride becomes more important than helping this country back on its feet.
I attended a prayer event last Saturday entitled D4G 11/11. D4G means "Desperate For God" and we committed ourselves to pray for the country every eleven 'o clock in the morning (or evening) for eleven straight days. I really didn't expect to give away any more tears but I did. I realized that as much as we would like think that we are good people, we really are not. I discovered that we have so much to be sorry for. We have so much strife and apathy in our land that when you realize it, the only thing you can say is, "No wonder this is happening to us today."
Pray for the country every eleven o' clock. Doesn't matter if it's morning or evening.
I agree with a certain Alexander Solzhenitsyn when he said that "Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened." Russia back then experienced moral and social chaos during the Communist regime. He says:
Over half a century ago, while I was still a child, I recall hearing a number of older people offer the following explanation for the great disasters that had befallen Russia: "Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened." Since then I have spent well-nigh fifty years working on the history of our revolution; in the process I have read hundreds of books, collected hundreds of personal testimonies, and have already contributed eight volumes of my own toward the effort of clearing away the rubble left by that upheaval. But if I were asked today to formulate as concisely as possible the main cause of the ruinous revolution that swallowed up some sixty million of our people, I could not put it more accurately than to repeat: "Men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened."
Deuteronomy 28:1 says, "If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth." If you substitute the Philippines for the pronoun "you" in that verse, then God will "set the country high above all the nations on earth."
God is not a tyrant on a power trip. He is a loving Father who wants nothing else but the best for us. Some people will say that they'd rather have God Himself come down and just wave His hand and take out everything vile and unlawful in our country but the reality is, we're the only ones He is waiting for.
When a father asks his child not to touch a hot stove, He is saying that for his children's own good, not for his. However, if a child still decides to touch that hot stove, he will undoubtedly hurt himself. I believe that God will bless our nation if we turned from our wicked ways. But if we choose to ignore Him all the more, then we cannot expect ourselves not to get burned in the process.
When I picture the Philippines in this analogy, I cannot help but see a foolish child touching the hot stove again and again even when his hand is already covered in painful blisters. I wince as I continue to imagine the child's hand becoming more and more disfigured until it is beyond recognition. If that's what we Filipinos want, I'm sure as Heaven that's what we'll get.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
On A Side Note...
On A Side Note...
So many things happened over the weekend and right now I'm just going to rest because my throat hurts. I don't think the soreness will go away anytime soon. Please pray for me that this heals quicker than usual.
I'll try to break down this weekend's thoughts soon. I just have to doze off and get a good night's rest for a change. I think my immune system is breaking down again. Woe is me! :((
So many things happened over the weekend and right now I'm just going to rest because my throat hurts. I don't think the soreness will go away anytime soon. Please pray for me that this heals quicker than usual.
I'll try to break down this weekend's thoughts soon. I just have to doze off and get a good night's rest for a change. I think my immune system is breaking down again. Woe is me! :((
