The Enduring Constant That Is Change
On Learning to Do Better
by Portia Nelson
I walk down the street.
There is a hole.
I don't see it.
I fall in.
It isn't my fault.
It takes a very long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is still a deep hole.
I pretend not to see it.
I fall in.
I pretend it's still not my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is still the same deep hole.
I see it.
I fall in anyway.
It's a habit.
I get out quicker this time.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole.
I see it.
I walk around it.
I don't fall in.
I walk down a different street.
I can't help but marvel at the profoundness of the text above. We may not be aware of it right now but we have this one unique hangup, this one idiosyncrasy which we know is delaying us from getting to point A to point B. For some of us, it literally takes some of us years before we realize that change is needed in order for us to stop "falling into that deep hole". For the majority of us, we probably know what we need to change but we're just too afraid of it.
And to be honest, there is so much to be fearful about. The unknown has always been the subject of man's fear since time immemorial. Even though the only constant thing in this world is change itself, we still manage to carve out a routine for ourselves. It's amazing, actually. But unless we decide to walk a different street we will always be the same person.
We can't solve a problem if we remain the same person we are. We have to change our views, change our outlook on life and accept our mistakes for what they really are--things we need to change.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Clarity
Clarity
I met up with a long lost friend today. His name is Rally and he went to the United States to study and make a life and a name for himself. He said he was gone for 20 months but it seemed longer than that. We were into our catching-up-on-lost-time conversation when he casually asked a question:
"So, anong plano mo ngayon?"
I was tongue-tied.
I honestly didn't know what to say.
After hearing his stories of being in the army and having his own money to pay for the rent of their family's place and him being able to get his own car, I just wasn't able to provide an answer.
I honestly didn't know what to do. I realized that I am nowhere near the idea of settling down because with my current salary and the standing economic drought my country is in, it is absolutely out of the question that I get my own place and buy my own car.
His tale was one of independence and all I could speak of was the tragedy of "financial imprisonment" if you could call it that. Call it a lack of options but I would like to be realistic in seeing it as the unavailability of them.
Amidst the sudden realization that my situation in this country will not get any better one thought entered my mind: I had to put my trust in God. "Ipaubaya nalang natin sa Diyos." as we Filipinos would like to say. And it's true. In some ways I am more blessed than others. And for that, I am already grateful.
I don't need to have my own car because my legs are strong enough for walking. I have my health and I am grateful. As in any argument, the cynical point of view can always be countered with the faith of an optimist.
Some may call it sour-graping but no matter what people say, the proverbial glass will always be half-empty in my eyes.
I met up with a long lost friend today. His name is Rally and he went to the United States to study and make a life and a name for himself. He said he was gone for 20 months but it seemed longer than that. We were into our catching-up-on-lost-time conversation when he casually asked a question:
I was tongue-tied.
I honestly didn't know what to say.
After hearing his stories of being in the army and having his own money to pay for the rent of their family's place and him being able to get his own car, I just wasn't able to provide an answer.
I honestly didn't know what to do. I realized that I am nowhere near the idea of settling down because with my current salary and the standing economic drought my country is in, it is absolutely out of the question that I get my own place and buy my own car.
His tale was one of independence and all I could speak of was the tragedy of "financial imprisonment" if you could call it that. Call it a lack of options but I would like to be realistic in seeing it as the unavailability of them.
Amidst the sudden realization that my situation in this country will not get any better one thought entered my mind: I had to put my trust in God. "Ipaubaya nalang natin sa Diyos." as we Filipinos would like to say. And it's true. In some ways I am more blessed than others. And for that, I am already grateful.
I don't need to have my own car because my legs are strong enough for walking. I have my health and I am grateful. As in any argument, the cynical point of view can always be countered with the faith of an optimist.
Some may call it sour-graping but no matter what people say, the proverbial glass will always be half-empty in my eyes.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Enfeeblement
Enfeeblement
I am soooo tired right now. I just don't know where I'm getting tired at. As in I am really, physically tired. I've been sleeping more than the normal 8 hours of sleep but I still am so physically drained after work. Maybe it's just the annual meeting that's coming up in 3 days but I still am at a loss for words. I really honestly don't know why I am so tired.
I want to go to New Zealand.
I want to be a farmer there and have my own green expanse where I can sheperd my own flock of sheep. And then when I happen upon another sheperd who's looking for his lost flock I can go like Eomer in The Two Towers and say:
"Look for your sheep, but do not trust to hope. It has forsaken these lands.
Tee hee! =)
Damn, am I tired. I'm rarely this incoherent.
But I really want to go to New Zealand.
Middle Earth on Earth
I am soooo tired right now. I just don't know where I'm getting tired at. As in I am really, physically tired. I've been sleeping more than the normal 8 hours of sleep but I still am so physically drained after work. Maybe it's just the annual meeting that's coming up in 3 days but I still am at a loss for words. I really honestly don't know why I am so tired.
I want to go to New Zealand.
I want to be a farmer there and have my own green expanse where I can sheperd my own flock of sheep. And then when I happen upon another sheperd who's looking for his lost flock I can go like Eomer in The Two Towers and say:
Tee hee! =)
Damn, am I tired. I'm rarely this incoherent.
But I really want to go to New Zealand.
Middle Earth on Earth
Saturday, January 01, 2005
The Lessons of 2004
The Lessons of 2004
1. Listening to your body always pays off.
March 15th of last year I fought off the temptation to continue my work as a call center agent because I was experiencing massive migraine attacks almost twice a week. Sooner or later I learned to work through the pain but I knew I wanted out. It's nothing personal. I would have stayed for the wonderful people and great supervisors that I had. Bottom line: my body said "No" and I couldn't disagree.
2. True friends never forget.
I recently got reacquainted with my bestfriend in high school. Carlo was one of those people who never counted favors. He even relished having company (maybe because he's an only child) because 8 years ago, I would sleepover his house and then wake up to play half court basketball games until the sun burned our skin. The more things change, the more they stay the same---only this time, we play under a roof.
3. Boracay is tha shit!
You hear everybody talking about this fabled summer spot and wonder, "What is with Boracay that makes people profess about it so much?" To make the long story short let me torture another cliché by saying "You gotta see it to believe it." A little caveat though, better be in your best and buffest shape 'coz it's not a good feeling being insecure while walking along Station 1.
4. Leaving your comfort zone is such a rush.
I joined a magic club this year and I was in for the surprise of my life. I met one of the nicest celebrities in Rannie Raymundo. Yeah I know he's already passé but he is one hell of a magician. And he's really accomodating too.
5. I am an affected person.
Ha! If anybody wants to know something important about me, it's this. I would have to be one of the most affected people in the planet. I essentially wear my emotions on my sleeve and when I mean that, boy do I mean wear it on my sleeve. I tend to get sentimental over the most trivial of things and I realized that a lot of people aren't as sensitive as I am. As I always said: my sensitivity is my greatest strength as well as my most glaring weakness.
6. Every new day brings another chance for you to become better.
This is very true. Each time I fail in something, I consequently learn NOT TO FAIL. I relish the moments that I take to make myself a better person. As of this moment I've already tallied 104 straight smoke-free days. Next up, getting in shape.
7. Faith and hope are powerful.
I waited for months for someone to offer me a job. I was bordering on depression and self-pity but when I did finally land one, I was overjoyed. I remember waking up after a night of continuous rain and seeing the sunlight peek through the trees in our backyard just for the briefest of moments. And I knew everything was going to be alright. An hour later, I got the call.
8. Connections get you somewhere.
My current supervisor and college batchmate, Maan, was the one who called. =)
9. Singers and celebrities are just ordinary people.
I saw Kitchie Nadal perform live before she went to the office to participate in one of our chat events. She was just one of us. She was pretty but she had a humble smile that said, "I'm just one of you guys." She never really exuded any prideful aura. You just can't help but realize that celebrities are just ordinary people going through the same number of hours in a day as you do, breathing the same air, having the same capacity for pain. I have yet to meet someone larger than life.
10. I know my breaking point.
I've gone through a lot of tests over the course of last year and some of them I believe I've failed. I've given up on some people and I've done so because I knew I couldn't take the neglect and the hurt anymore. I know my breaking point and that means that I did give it my best. The thing that gets me is that I already know what my breaking point is. I just honestly wish I didn't have one.
11. I am still confused about what I want in life.
Time and time again, I get sucked in to discussions of what my passion in life is. Then I try to picture myself becoming that person here in the Philippines and then I squirm at the idea that I have to live a life that is not going to be "practical" in Filipino terms. I could become an artist or a poet or a psychologist but it will not bear any solid ground in our economy in its current state. So now, I will be just an "account manager". I guess I just have to become everything at once. But I won't be surprised if I change my mind in a year's time.
12. When you move away from something, you consequently move towards something else.
Being single has taught me the value of seeing what you've left behind. There are so many people that I've forgotten about. Don't get me wrong--being in a relationship was awesome but at the same time, I couldn't get in touch with who I really was because of the countless fights and recurring issues. It required a lot of hard work to keep my last relationship alive but it was worth it. I just know now that this is sort of a tug of war. The farther you are from someone, the closer you become to the ones you've lost touch with.
13. Discretion is my newfound weakness.
Sometimes I just say whatever's on my mind. This is especially true for me when I talk about the "L" word. I sometimes get so confounded by it that I just lose my senses. I believe it's the artist in me crying out for the inspiration that has just befelled me. I guess I just have to keep it to myself and be a little more logical when being overrun by my passions and emotions.
14. I oftentimes leap before I look.
I've hurt a lot of people very much because of my tactlessness. I believe this is something that I need to change when I enter into another relationship again in the next decade or so. =)
15. I can get better at something if I work hard at it.
I saw myself improve as a basketball player and a magician over the course of the year. I just know that I can do anything as long as I just put in the work. Six-pack abs, here I come!
16. We are all better at something than some people are.
We can't help but compare ourselves to the next guy who makes the girls swoon over her or maybe for the women, the more "voluptuous" ones get annoyed when a model-like figure passes by. The point is, we shouldn't compare ourselves because someone, somewhere out there is working harder than us, more good-looking than us, more eloquent than us, or maybe more well-off than us. We all have our own talents and gifts. I hope we all learn to cherish what is already ours and want what we already have.
17. Sleep is a luxury.
This cannot be overemphasized. I just wish I was a kid again who had the schedule of two morning classes followed by 20 minutes of recess then two classes again before lunch. Nowadays it's so hard to keep the energy level up, we have to resort to Extra Joss and coffee to keep us awake.
18. I am still a kid at heart.
10 years ago, I started to play a hobby and I still play it up to now. I will soon be joining my first tournament this year for Magic: The Gathering. I know It's a card game...so sue me.
19. Your God-given talent should not be forgotten.
I once drew and sketched as well as wrote poetry of the grandest kinds. This year, I hope to rekindle the talent that God has given me.
20. Investing in your health is a good thing.
I will be working out starting this coming February. I just hope I am able to push myself harder each day. I just hope that I am able to finally quit smoking. That would be something to look forward to. 104 days and counting!
21. It is never too late.
I just hate the excuse that it's too late to change. I know that some people just use this to escape a lot of things and I might be using this particular excuse to run away from some of my problems but I just know that it is never too late. It's something I believe in because like Neo in The Matrix, I don't like the idea that I don't have any control over myself and my destiny.
22. Love cannot be coerced.
You cannot buy love or coerce it into submission. It is something that is freely given as well as freely taken. It will never ever be caged like a bird or it will die. Love is something for the free-spirited, the joyous and the open-minded.
23. We are always more fortunate than the next person in some way.
When we complain of not having enough variety in our meals, someone, somewhere will be grateful when he has what we have. We will always have less than the person who lives in posh condominiums or the most lavish of houses but in the same light, we already have everything we could ever ask for in the eyes of another.
24. I still have a long way to go.
It's been 24 years and this coming July, I will be a quarter-century old. I am up for the challenge. I believe I've already started my quarter-life crisis so I know that it will be a rough road ahead. But with God to guide me through the days, I know that I will be fine. He has provided for me for 25 straight years. I know he can do it far longer than that.
HAPPY 2005 TO YOU ALL!
1. Listening to your body always pays off.
March 15th of last year I fought off the temptation to continue my work as a call center agent because I was experiencing massive migraine attacks almost twice a week. Sooner or later I learned to work through the pain but I knew I wanted out. It's nothing personal. I would have stayed for the wonderful people and great supervisors that I had. Bottom line: my body said "No" and I couldn't disagree.
2. True friends never forget.
I recently got reacquainted with my bestfriend in high school. Carlo was one of those people who never counted favors. He even relished having company (maybe because he's an only child) because 8 years ago, I would sleepover his house and then wake up to play half court basketball games until the sun burned our skin. The more things change, the more they stay the same---only this time, we play under a roof.
3. Boracay is tha shit!
You hear everybody talking about this fabled summer spot and wonder, "What is with Boracay that makes people profess about it so much?" To make the long story short let me torture another cliché by saying "You gotta see it to believe it." A little caveat though, better be in your best and buffest shape 'coz it's not a good feeling being insecure while walking along Station 1.
4. Leaving your comfort zone is such a rush.
I joined a magic club this year and I was in for the surprise of my life. I met one of the nicest celebrities in Rannie Raymundo. Yeah I know he's already passé but he is one hell of a magician. And he's really accomodating too.
5. I am an affected person.
Ha! If anybody wants to know something important about me, it's this. I would have to be one of the most affected people in the planet. I essentially wear my emotions on my sleeve and when I mean that, boy do I mean wear it on my sleeve. I tend to get sentimental over the most trivial of things and I realized that a lot of people aren't as sensitive as I am. As I always said: my sensitivity is my greatest strength as well as my most glaring weakness.
6. Every new day brings another chance for you to become better.
This is very true. Each time I fail in something, I consequently learn NOT TO FAIL. I relish the moments that I take to make myself a better person. As of this moment I've already tallied 104 straight smoke-free days. Next up, getting in shape.
7. Faith and hope are powerful.
I waited for months for someone to offer me a job. I was bordering on depression and self-pity but when I did finally land one, I was overjoyed. I remember waking up after a night of continuous rain and seeing the sunlight peek through the trees in our backyard just for the briefest of moments. And I knew everything was going to be alright. An hour later, I got the call.
8. Connections get you somewhere.
My current supervisor and college batchmate, Maan, was the one who called. =)
9. Singers and celebrities are just ordinary people.
I saw Kitchie Nadal perform live before she went to the office to participate in one of our chat events. She was just one of us. She was pretty but she had a humble smile that said, "I'm just one of you guys." She never really exuded any prideful aura. You just can't help but realize that celebrities are just ordinary people going through the same number of hours in a day as you do, breathing the same air, having the same capacity for pain. I have yet to meet someone larger than life.
10. I know my breaking point.
I've gone through a lot of tests over the course of last year and some of them I believe I've failed. I've given up on some people and I've done so because I knew I couldn't take the neglect and the hurt anymore. I know my breaking point and that means that I did give it my best. The thing that gets me is that I already know what my breaking point is. I just honestly wish I didn't have one.
11. I am still confused about what I want in life.
Time and time again, I get sucked in to discussions of what my passion in life is. Then I try to picture myself becoming that person here in the Philippines and then I squirm at the idea that I have to live a life that is not going to be "practical" in Filipino terms. I could become an artist or a poet or a psychologist but it will not bear any solid ground in our economy in its current state. So now, I will be just an "account manager". I guess I just have to become everything at once. But I won't be surprised if I change my mind in a year's time.
12. When you move away from something, you consequently move towards something else.
Being single has taught me the value of seeing what you've left behind. There are so many people that I've forgotten about. Don't get me wrong--being in a relationship was awesome but at the same time, I couldn't get in touch with who I really was because of the countless fights and recurring issues. It required a lot of hard work to keep my last relationship alive but it was worth it. I just know now that this is sort of a tug of war. The farther you are from someone, the closer you become to the ones you've lost touch with.
13. Discretion is my newfound weakness.
Sometimes I just say whatever's on my mind. This is especially true for me when I talk about the "L" word. I sometimes get so confounded by it that I just lose my senses. I believe it's the artist in me crying out for the inspiration that has just befelled me. I guess I just have to keep it to myself and be a little more logical when being overrun by my passions and emotions.
14. I oftentimes leap before I look.
I've hurt a lot of people very much because of my tactlessness. I believe this is something that I need to change when I enter into another relationship again in the next decade or so. =)
15. I can get better at something if I work hard at it.
I saw myself improve as a basketball player and a magician over the course of the year. I just know that I can do anything as long as I just put in the work. Six-pack abs, here I come!
16. We are all better at something than some people are.
We can't help but compare ourselves to the next guy who makes the girls swoon over her or maybe for the women, the more "voluptuous" ones get annoyed when a model-like figure passes by. The point is, we shouldn't compare ourselves because someone, somewhere out there is working harder than us, more good-looking than us, more eloquent than us, or maybe more well-off than us. We all have our own talents and gifts. I hope we all learn to cherish what is already ours and want what we already have.
17. Sleep is a luxury.
This cannot be overemphasized. I just wish I was a kid again who had the schedule of two morning classes followed by 20 minutes of recess then two classes again before lunch. Nowadays it's so hard to keep the energy level up, we have to resort to Extra Joss and coffee to keep us awake.
18. I am still a kid at heart.
10 years ago, I started to play a hobby and I still play it up to now. I will soon be joining my first tournament this year for Magic: The Gathering. I know It's a card game...so sue me.
19. Your God-given talent should not be forgotten.
I once drew and sketched as well as wrote poetry of the grandest kinds. This year, I hope to rekindle the talent that God has given me.
20. Investing in your health is a good thing.
I will be working out starting this coming February. I just hope I am able to push myself harder each day. I just hope that I am able to finally quit smoking. That would be something to look forward to. 104 days and counting!
21. It is never too late.
I just hate the excuse that it's too late to change. I know that some people just use this to escape a lot of things and I might be using this particular excuse to run away from some of my problems but I just know that it is never too late. It's something I believe in because like Neo in The Matrix, I don't like the idea that I don't have any control over myself and my destiny.
22. Love cannot be coerced.
You cannot buy love or coerce it into submission. It is something that is freely given as well as freely taken. It will never ever be caged like a bird or it will die. Love is something for the free-spirited, the joyous and the open-minded.
23. We are always more fortunate than the next person in some way.
When we complain of not having enough variety in our meals, someone, somewhere will be grateful when he has what we have. We will always have less than the person who lives in posh condominiums or the most lavish of houses but in the same light, we already have everything we could ever ask for in the eyes of another.
24. I still have a long way to go.
It's been 24 years and this coming July, I will be a quarter-century old. I am up for the challenge. I believe I've already started my quarter-life crisis so I know that it will be a rough road ahead. But with God to guide me through the days, I know that I will be fine. He has provided for me for 25 straight years. I know he can do it far longer than that.
HAPPY 2005 TO YOU ALL!
Saturday, December 25, 2004
'Tis That Time of the Year
'Tis That Time of the Year
Ah what the heck, 'tis the season to be merry anyways!
Merry Christmas to you and your family! =)
Ah what the heck, 'tis the season to be merry anyways!
Merry Christmas to you and your family! =)
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Two More Days
Two More Days
The countdown is almost up.
It's already two days before Christmas. Maan and I talked about how we never felt Christmas slowly creep up to us this time of the year. I'm wondering if it really has lost its splendor. When I was a kid, I used to love Christmas because it afforded me the opportunity to receive a lot of gifts from my family and all of my relatives.
Now, everyone suddenly stopped giving gifts and now we're the ones who are pressured to buy gifts to people we barely even know--our boss, our co-workers and each and every stranger who will consider it faux pas when you do not accomodate them during this season of gift-giving.
How I wish someone would accomodate me this time of the year and take the time to hear me out but I'd have a much bigger chance at winning the lottery. Everybody is attending to their own concerns. I wish the season was over.
The countdown is almost up.
It's already two days before Christmas. Maan and I talked about how we never felt Christmas slowly creep up to us this time of the year. I'm wondering if it really has lost its splendor. When I was a kid, I used to love Christmas because it afforded me the opportunity to receive a lot of gifts from my family and all of my relatives.
Now, everyone suddenly stopped giving gifts and now we're the ones who are pressured to buy gifts to people we barely even know--our boss, our co-workers and each and every stranger who will consider it faux pas when you do not accomodate them during this season of gift-giving.
How I wish someone would accomodate me this time of the year and take the time to hear me out but I'd have a much bigger chance at winning the lottery. Everybody is attending to their own concerns. I wish the season was over.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Wishful Thinking
Wishful Thinking
It's a Monday yet I don't feel that it's the start of the week. I can't stop thinking about the coming days. It's like I've been dreading Christmas day to come. This year has not been good to me. Everything seems like a blur to me. All of the supposedly special holidays this year turned out to be real bad. I guess that's why I'm just preparing for the inevitable right now. So I'm counting two more miserable holidays before the year ends: this Saturday and New Year's.
I am especially sure that I won't feel the same old magic whenever I wake up on Christmas day. Times are hard right now as it already is. I just don't think the people close to me will get caught up in the routine of giving gifts. Come to think of it, I only know one guy who would even care to think about giving me something.
After all of the heartbreak and confusion that I've encountered this year, I just want to forget about it. I want to leave the memory of this year buried under the hopeful promise that 2005 will be better.
I never realized I feared Christmas this bad. The nostalgia, the pressures, the lonely feeling you have when you have no one to turn to...it just takes the wind out of you. I hope no one else feels what I am feeling on Christmas Day.
May all of you have the happiest of holidays.
It's a Monday yet I don't feel that it's the start of the week. I can't stop thinking about the coming days. It's like I've been dreading Christmas day to come. This year has not been good to me. Everything seems like a blur to me. All of the supposedly special holidays this year turned out to be real bad. I guess that's why I'm just preparing for the inevitable right now. So I'm counting two more miserable holidays before the year ends: this Saturday and New Year's.
I am especially sure that I won't feel the same old magic whenever I wake up on Christmas day. Times are hard right now as it already is. I just don't think the people close to me will get caught up in the routine of giving gifts. Come to think of it, I only know one guy who would even care to think about giving me something.
After all of the heartbreak and confusion that I've encountered this year, I just want to forget about it. I want to leave the memory of this year buried under the hopeful promise that 2005 will be better.
I never realized I feared Christmas this bad. The nostalgia, the pressures, the lonely feeling you have when you have no one to turn to...it just takes the wind out of you. I hope no one else feels what I am feeling on Christmas Day.
May all of you have the happiest of holidays.
Friday, December 17, 2004
A Necessary Evil
A Necessary Evil
Work is a necessary evil.
Yes, you heard me right: it is a necessary evil.
I believe it is so because we cannot seem to depart from it unless we are a king or a prince. But technically, the kings and queens of today still have to work on something else such as attending banquets and whatnot. So that takes care of the necessity of work. What about the evil that it brings? Ah, that is when the principle of relativity comes into play.
For some people, it will dawn upon them that work is something that they have waited for a long time. It represents independence, both financial and emotional. These are the types of people who have the excuse to stay late at night away from home because they have something to finish within the corporate walls of their workplace.
In contrast, there are some people who view work as something that takes away a lot of things from them. It takes away the closeness between two people because they will both have to spend time away from each other and in so doing, they will no doubt meet different personalities. In my experience, work introduces the idea of infidelity. I have worked two jobs and I have always come up with stories of people being unfaithful to their significant others or their spouses.
Work indirectly destroys relationships. It opens up man to the biggest of temptations and it does so without the slightest knowledge of the people involved. If you try to pry deeper, you'll find a hint of dysfunctionality among your co-workers that wasn't there before they started working. It's a sick feeling, I know but it's the most lucid of truths.
It happens and you know it. That's what's so great about movies. They're inaccurate and accurate at the same time.
How many times have we heard about the man of the house leaving his family just to earn a living in another country only to find his wife having another affair when he returns? The reverse is not foreign to us. Man comes home and brings home a mistress with him. Wife cries. Couple divorces.
It's all too simple yet so blindingly accurate.
And all of this happened because of the sincere and loving desire of the man to provide for his spouse and family. All because of work.
Bullshit.
Call me bitter but maybe the reason I loathe work is because it changed me so much. It turned my life upside down because after it was introduced into my life, it never had any good effect on me. Everything was just the same day in and day out. The same old routine whiling away my time. But even if I look at work like this I am also in its debt because it has taken away my fears and concerns. As I mentioned before, it is a prison and haven of sorts. It simultaneously chains you to a specific set of tasks each and every day and it also gives you legitimate reason not to think of your problems away from it. Like we always hear: "Never bring your family problems to work and leave your work at the office." Sometimes I just feel I have so much to do. It seems that I can't seem to catch my breath. I just need a long break.
Well there you ahve it. Relativity explained. One person might adore working so much that it almost becomes his or her life and another person loathing it because it has taken so much from him.
I almost can't breathe from the frustration that I feel. And if you should know, I am the latter of the two if you haven't noticed yet. I just hope I find the redeeming factor in all that has happened--something that will tell me, "It's alright, you got me in return." It may be a person or something else. Whatever it is, I will wait.
Work is a necessary evil.
Yes, you heard me right: it is a necessary evil.
I believe it is so because we cannot seem to depart from it unless we are a king or a prince. But technically, the kings and queens of today still have to work on something else such as attending banquets and whatnot. So that takes care of the necessity of work. What about the evil that it brings? Ah, that is when the principle of relativity comes into play.
For some people, it will dawn upon them that work is something that they have waited for a long time. It represents independence, both financial and emotional. These are the types of people who have the excuse to stay late at night away from home because they have something to finish within the corporate walls of their workplace.
In contrast, there are some people who view work as something that takes away a lot of things from them. It takes away the closeness between two people because they will both have to spend time away from each other and in so doing, they will no doubt meet different personalities. In my experience, work introduces the idea of infidelity. I have worked two jobs and I have always come up with stories of people being unfaithful to their significant others or their spouses.
Work indirectly destroys relationships. It opens up man to the biggest of temptations and it does so without the slightest knowledge of the people involved. If you try to pry deeper, you'll find a hint of dysfunctionality among your co-workers that wasn't there before they started working. It's a sick feeling, I know but it's the most lucid of truths.
It happens and you know it. That's what's so great about movies. They're inaccurate and accurate at the same time.
How many times have we heard about the man of the house leaving his family just to earn a living in another country only to find his wife having another affair when he returns? The reverse is not foreign to us. Man comes home and brings home a mistress with him. Wife cries. Couple divorces.
It's all too simple yet so blindingly accurate.
And all of this happened because of the sincere and loving desire of the man to provide for his spouse and family. All because of work.
Bullshit.
Call me bitter but maybe the reason I loathe work is because it changed me so much. It turned my life upside down because after it was introduced into my life, it never had any good effect on me. Everything was just the same day in and day out. The same old routine whiling away my time. But even if I look at work like this I am also in its debt because it has taken away my fears and concerns. As I mentioned before, it is a prison and haven of sorts. It simultaneously chains you to a specific set of tasks each and every day and it also gives you legitimate reason not to think of your problems away from it. Like we always hear: "Never bring your family problems to work and leave your work at the office." Sometimes I just feel I have so much to do. It seems that I can't seem to catch my breath. I just need a long break.
Well there you ahve it. Relativity explained. One person might adore working so much that it almost becomes his or her life and another person loathing it because it has taken so much from him.
I almost can't breathe from the frustration that I feel. And if you should know, I am the latter of the two if you haven't noticed yet. I just hope I find the redeeming factor in all that has happened--something that will tell me, "It's alright, you got me in return." It may be a person or something else. Whatever it is, I will wait.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
20/20 Hindsight
20/20 Hindsight
It just dawned on me earlier in the day: it's already been 5 months since I started working in YEHEY! I didn't realize time could pass by so fast. When you think about it in terms of working hours, that's a lotta time.
I can't say I really love the job. But one thing I'm certain of is I absolutely love the company. "Samahan nalang yung hindi nagpapaalis sa mga tao." We have people who have stayed in the company for over five years and they really treasure the companionship and the culture of the company. I talked to one of our MIS people and he said that one time, our director talked to them and said "Konting tiis nalang. Pag umunlad din ang YEHEY! sabay-sabay din kayong tataas ang mga sweldo." Sometimes, I can't help but think if they're just empty promises. I'm not bitter about how low my salary is because to begin with, my primary need has already been met--that is to work at a day job. After the turbulent 6 months that I spent in a call center, I can honestly say that the job was a big mistake. I lost a lot of things and opportunities back then as well as someone very dear. It would have probably been a lot different if my job didn't demand so much sacrifice. But we all learn the hard way that sometimes, the sacrifices that are demanded of us aren't optional. They become mandatory sacrifices--must dos instead of could dos.
Anyway, January 5th will be my sixth month in YEHEY! It will be the day when I will know for sure if I will become a regular employee. For now, I really don't want to expect. Maybe because part of me is wanting to look for something I really love doing. But what do I know? All I can do is write. Probably "listen" to people but nobody gets paid to do that. Wouldn't it be weird for you to get a job as someone who just listens and actively becomes interested in someone else's life? I'd probably be quite good at that.
I'm just writing whatever comes to my head right now. I'm just so lost right now although I am trying my best to find my way in the dark. It's just really sad to go through this road again alone. I once had a hand to hold when I was squinting my way through the fog and haziness but now, everything I do must be on my own. I think it's better this way. The only difference is now, I walk a little bit slower, tread a little more careful and as a consequence, listen more intently.
Hindsight is always 20/20. How true.
It just dawned on me earlier in the day: it's already been 5 months since I started working in YEHEY! I didn't realize time could pass by so fast. When you think about it in terms of working hours, that's a lotta time.
I can't say I really love the job. But one thing I'm certain of is I absolutely love the company. "Samahan nalang yung hindi nagpapaalis sa mga tao." We have people who have stayed in the company for over five years and they really treasure the companionship and the culture of the company. I talked to one of our MIS people and he said that one time, our director talked to them and said "Konting tiis nalang. Pag umunlad din ang YEHEY! sabay-sabay din kayong tataas ang mga sweldo." Sometimes, I can't help but think if they're just empty promises. I'm not bitter about how low my salary is because to begin with, my primary need has already been met--that is to work at a day job. After the turbulent 6 months that I spent in a call center, I can honestly say that the job was a big mistake. I lost a lot of things and opportunities back then as well as someone very dear. It would have probably been a lot different if my job didn't demand so much sacrifice. But we all learn the hard way that sometimes, the sacrifices that are demanded of us aren't optional. They become mandatory sacrifices--must dos instead of could dos.
Anyway, January 5th will be my sixth month in YEHEY! It will be the day when I will know for sure if I will become a regular employee. For now, I really don't want to expect. Maybe because part of me is wanting to look for something I really love doing. But what do I know? All I can do is write. Probably "listen" to people but nobody gets paid to do that. Wouldn't it be weird for you to get a job as someone who just listens and actively becomes interested in someone else's life? I'd probably be quite good at that.
I'm just writing whatever comes to my head right now. I'm just so lost right now although I am trying my best to find my way in the dark. It's just really sad to go through this road again alone. I once had a hand to hold when I was squinting my way through the fog and haziness but now, everything I do must be on my own. I think it's better this way. The only difference is now, I walk a little bit slower, tread a little more careful and as a consequence, listen more intently.
Hindsight is always 20/20. How true.
Friday, December 03, 2004
The Bittersweet Moment of Goodbye
The Bittersweet Moment of Goodbye
I am now officially quitting my long-time hobby of Magic: The Gathering. I say this because I have begun selling one of my prized collections---my dual lands.
For those people who cannot relate, picture yourself quitting the one thing you always want to do, picture yourself not blogging anymore or maybe you could think about how it's like not to play basketball again, not because you don't have time but because your decision was borne out of necessity. Imagine having your all-time favorite TV show finally reach its last episode. Picture yourself giving up that ONE THING you never want to give up in your life not because you can't have any more time to spare for that activity but because you absolutely need to give it up for something else.
Yes, I know. It isn't as easy as it sounds. But can you try and feel that sinking feeling that churns the insides of your stomach?
Since this will be one of the bigger milestones in my life which I will definitely remember, and since this is about something that has been very close to my heart, I would like to just give you guys a background on how I came to turn cardboards sideways.
I came to know about Magic: The Gathering way back in junior year highschool. The only things that I knew back then were sketching, writing poems and playing basketball. There were times when I'd watch a group of my batchmates huddle around a table where two players would silently sit with cards of different art, neatly placed in front of them while uttering one-liners each and every while.
Player A:"Forest. Go"
Player B:"Swamp. Dark Ritual, Dark Ritual, Sengir Vampire
Player A:"Concede.
I know, it sounds Greek to you but doesn't every hobby have its own string of jargons? You'd be surprised to find that each and every pastime has its own terminologies that would seem foreign to another person. Any other serious badminton player would know why it is good to balk before a service or how to explain why carrying a shuttle is an illegal tactic.
For the dialogue above, it's as cryptic as anything else in the world but for people who share the same passion as I do, we share a "dialect" that will only be understood by people who play the game.
So if you're having a difficult time understanding something, know that other people will share your sentiment when it comes to the things you love and give importance to.
I am quitting for several reasons. First, is I need the money. This will probably be one of my hard lessons in opportunity costs. Secondly, I don't have the motivation to go on any longer. There were times when I would want to play with people but I never got to join any sanctioned tournaments (yes, there ARE tournaments for these types of games) nor did I join any hardcore team who only knew Magic and nothing else. Lastly is because I'm starting to think that maybe it is a nonsensical hobby after all. I'll probably be torn between the first two reasons and my last one.
I will probably get the answers soon. Until then, Auf Wiedersehen, my precious duals. It took me almost a decade to find them. If that's what it takes to get them again, then I can probably wait that long. I will dearly miss them.
I wish I never had to part with them. =(
I am now officially quitting my long-time hobby of Magic: The Gathering. I say this because I have begun selling one of my prized collections---my dual lands.
For those people who cannot relate, picture yourself quitting the one thing you always want to do, picture yourself not blogging anymore or maybe you could think about how it's like not to play basketball again, not because you don't have time but because your decision was borne out of necessity. Imagine having your all-time favorite TV show finally reach its last episode. Picture yourself giving up that ONE THING you never want to give up in your life not because you can't have any more time to spare for that activity but because you absolutely need to give it up for something else.
Yes, I know. It isn't as easy as it sounds. But can you try and feel that sinking feeling that churns the insides of your stomach?
Since this will be one of the bigger milestones in my life which I will definitely remember, and since this is about something that has been very close to my heart, I would like to just give you guys a background on how I came to turn cardboards sideways.
I came to know about Magic: The Gathering way back in junior year highschool. The only things that I knew back then were sketching, writing poems and playing basketball. There were times when I'd watch a group of my batchmates huddle around a table where two players would silently sit with cards of different art, neatly placed in front of them while uttering one-liners each and every while.
Player A:"Forest. Go"
Player B:"Swamp. Dark Ritual, Dark Ritual, Sengir Vampire
Player A:"Concede.
I know, it sounds Greek to you but doesn't every hobby have its own string of jargons? You'd be surprised to find that each and every pastime has its own terminologies that would seem foreign to another person. Any other serious badminton player would know why it is good to balk before a service or how to explain why carrying a shuttle is an illegal tactic.
For the dialogue above, it's as cryptic as anything else in the world but for people who share the same passion as I do, we share a "dialect" that will only be understood by people who play the game.
So if you're having a difficult time understanding something, know that other people will share your sentiment when it comes to the things you love and give importance to.
I am quitting for several reasons. First, is I need the money. This will probably be one of my hard lessons in opportunity costs. Secondly, I don't have the motivation to go on any longer. There were times when I would want to play with people but I never got to join any sanctioned tournaments (yes, there ARE tournaments for these types of games) nor did I join any hardcore team who only knew Magic and nothing else. Lastly is because I'm starting to think that maybe it is a nonsensical hobby after all. I'll probably be torn between the first two reasons and my last one.
I will probably get the answers soon. Until then, Auf Wiedersehen, my precious duals. It took me almost a decade to find them. If that's what it takes to get them again, then I can probably wait that long. I will dearly miss them.
I wish I never had to part with them. =(
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Super Me!
Super Me!
I just wanted to share a memory.
Either it was real cold outside or I wanted to be dressed up like a ninja/superhero. Hehe...kids!
I just wanted to share a memory.
Either it was real cold outside or I wanted to be dressed up like a ninja/superhero. Hehe...kids!
Saturday, November 27, 2004
# 4
# 4
Took one of the numerous online tests that I just happened upon and voila! Would you believe that I got my all-time favorite number in the process?
I just realize that it's true--people can read me like a book. But continuing with the same line of thinking, not everyone understands each and every book he or she picks up. Same goes for me.
Man, I love epiphanies.
Took one of the numerous online tests that I just happened upon and voila! Would you believe that I got my all-time favorite number in the process?
|
You Are the Individualist |
|
4 You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel. |
I just realize that it's true--people can read me like a book. But continuing with the same line of thinking, not everyone understands each and every book he or she picks up. Same goes for me.
Man, I love epiphanies.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Coming Home
Coming Home
I just came from a wake last night. A dear friend lost his mom to cancer last Tuesday, November 23. What made this different from the other tragedies that I hear is that it was more real to me because I knew her. Tita Joey was one of the readily identifiable people in my church not only because I was good friends with her son but because she exuded a certain aura that made everybody around her feel better.
Once again, I am brought back to my senses. I realize that we are not going to be strong forever; that we will not be able to run 30 minutes straight on a treadmill without even fazing; that we will not be healthy throughout the entirety of our lifetimes. The point has been driven home hard--we will leave this earth. It makes me remember a saying that I read somewhere:
"Death is certain, living isn't."
We've all heard about death being the great equalizer and yet we still scoff at the idea when we drink a bit too much that our body already rejects the alocohol in our system or when we smoke a cigarette or when we take a hit of whatever designer drug that our peers take. It's all about "feeling good" at this particular moment, nothing else. And because of that selfishness, we suffer for it not a week later but several decades after---when everything else is in place; when we have a family who already loves us with all of their heart and soul.
And you know what the ironic thing about last night was? You probably won't believe it...
Tita Joey didn't smoke nor drink. And you know what else? She was the first of her generation to have cancer. Everyone else before her in her family tree didn't have it. It's a bit saddening because when you think about it, that's not fair. To have someone taken away from you after all of her good works she's done for God and for His people is not fair to me. Then again, if that time comes, we will never know why God called us home at this particular point in our lives. Until we ask Him Himself.
I have mixed emotions about everything that transpired. In some ways, I feel regret because I wasn't able to say goodbye to her because she was really of the nicest moms that I've encountered in my lifetime. And I also am happy and envious at the same time because I know that she is already with our Maker.
I told my own mom about it in Yahoo Messenger and she said that soon, we will all be walking the same path:
(9:18:14 AM): streets made of clear gold and huge pearl gates ... plus you get to see Jesus and God and the angels and Moses and Daniel and David... sulit na rin...
Sulit na sulit nga.
In Loving Memory of Tita Joey Vila
I just came from a wake last night. A dear friend lost his mom to cancer last Tuesday, November 23. What made this different from the other tragedies that I hear is that it was more real to me because I knew her. Tita Joey was one of the readily identifiable people in my church not only because I was good friends with her son but because she exuded a certain aura that made everybody around her feel better.
Once again, I am brought back to my senses. I realize that we are not going to be strong forever; that we will not be able to run 30 minutes straight on a treadmill without even fazing; that we will not be healthy throughout the entirety of our lifetimes. The point has been driven home hard--we will leave this earth. It makes me remember a saying that I read somewhere:
"Death is certain, living isn't."
We've all heard about death being the great equalizer and yet we still scoff at the idea when we drink a bit too much that our body already rejects the alocohol in our system or when we smoke a cigarette or when we take a hit of whatever designer drug that our peers take. It's all about "feeling good" at this particular moment, nothing else. And because of that selfishness, we suffer for it not a week later but several decades after---when everything else is in place; when we have a family who already loves us with all of their heart and soul.
And you know what the ironic thing about last night was? You probably won't believe it...
Tita Joey didn't smoke nor drink. And you know what else? She was the first of her generation to have cancer. Everyone else before her in her family tree didn't have it. It's a bit saddening because when you think about it, that's not fair. To have someone taken away from you after all of her good works she's done for God and for His people is not fair to me. Then again, if that time comes, we will never know why God called us home at this particular point in our lives. Until we ask Him Himself.
I have mixed emotions about everything that transpired. In some ways, I feel regret because I wasn't able to say goodbye to her because she was really of the nicest moms that I've encountered in my lifetime. And I also am happy and envious at the same time because I know that she is already with our Maker.
I told my own mom about it in Yahoo Messenger and she said that soon, we will all be walking the same path:
(9:18:14 AM): streets made of clear gold and huge pearl gates ... plus you get to see Jesus and God and the angels and Moses and Daniel and David... sulit na rin...
Sulit na sulit nga.
In Loving Memory of Tita Joey Vila
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Tongue-Tied
Tongue-Tied
"I know this."
I just heard this familiar tune when I was browsing the web. Can anybody tell me the title of this tune?
All I know is that it's something that you can put in an Alice in Wonderland movie. A bit scary, but it's all-too familiar for it to be.
"I know this."
I just heard this familiar tune when I was browsing the web. Can anybody tell me the title of this tune?
All I know is that it's something that you can put in an Alice in Wonderland movie. A bit scary, but it's all-too familiar for it to be.
Sunday, November 07, 2004
Basketball Fever
Basketball Fever
Woke up at 5:00 in the morning to heat my bathwater. And as I was waiting I thought to myself: "I can't believe I'm waking up this early just to play basketball." And to think I even played the night before. I met up with Carlo, one of my really, really good friends in high school. We had an affinity for basketball so we kind of hit it off right from the moment I met him in 3rd year high. I just met up with him at Shell along McKinley Road and we laced up to play in Dasmariñas village.
I can't believe I played five full court games in a span of 3.5 hours. Mind you, the people I played with weren't pushovers. I played with a former member of Toyota and Crispa as well as the older brother of PBA superstar, Ronnie Magsanoc. Everybody in that gym either had game or took yours. It was really fun playing and just sweating like a pig. :)
I also couldn't believe how Carlo got better. One game he tore up the other team with 14 unanswered points and finished with 21. And this was the same guy I was schooling in high school. I guess, there's really no substitute for passion as an ultimate equalizer. As long as you love something and you keep on doing it over and over again, eventually, you'll end up on a higher level than the rest of the people who didn't push themselves quite as much.
I really love that idea. Gives me hope. Maybe the next time I board a three in the gym, people won't have to raise their eyebrows.
Woke up at 5:00 in the morning to heat my bathwater. And as I was waiting I thought to myself: "I can't believe I'm waking up this early just to play basketball." And to think I even played the night before. I met up with Carlo, one of my really, really good friends in high school. We had an affinity for basketball so we kind of hit it off right from the moment I met him in 3rd year high. I just met up with him at Shell along McKinley Road and we laced up to play in Dasmariñas village.
I can't believe I played five full court games in a span of 3.5 hours. Mind you, the people I played with weren't pushovers. I played with a former member of Toyota and Crispa as well as the older brother of PBA superstar, Ronnie Magsanoc. Everybody in that gym either had game or took yours. It was really fun playing and just sweating like a pig. :)
I also couldn't believe how Carlo got better. One game he tore up the other team with 14 unanswered points and finished with 21. And this was the same guy I was schooling in high school. I guess, there's really no substitute for passion as an ultimate equalizer. As long as you love something and you keep on doing it over and over again, eventually, you'll end up on a higher level than the rest of the people who didn't push themselves quite as much.
I really love that idea. Gives me hope. Maybe the next time I board a three in the gym, people won't have to raise their eyebrows.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Taking The Road Less Travelled
Taking The Road Less Travelled
There comes a time in a person's life when he has to move on. For me that moment cannot be any more timely than now. I am now at a point in my life wherein I choose to no longer be shackled by the limitations that have beset me during the past few years. I am tired and weary and I feel that I cannot go on any longer with what I have been. I am ready for learning yet another lesson that life has to offer--although I am still uncertain of what it is. Even if it a road less travelled, I am still willing to tread on it.
I am happy now because I am taking that next step: that eventful stage of stepping outside of my comfort zone. There is no one else I consider depending on except myself, my family and my extended family (short for friends). Whatever fastball that life will throw at me, I am more than willing to catch it--all 101.9 mph of it.
There comes a time in a person's life when he has to move on. For me that moment cannot be any more timely than now. I am now at a point in my life wherein I choose to no longer be shackled by the limitations that have beset me during the past few years. I am tired and weary and I feel that I cannot go on any longer with what I have been. I am ready for learning yet another lesson that life has to offer--although I am still uncertain of what it is. Even if it a road less travelled, I am still willing to tread on it.
I am happy now because I am taking that next step: that eventful stage of stepping outside of my comfort zone. There is no one else I consider depending on except myself, my family and my extended family (short for friends). Whatever fastball that life will throw at me, I am more than willing to catch it--all 101.9 mph of it.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
Behind The Mask
Behind The Mask
There will always be secrets that you will always keep from someone or everyone. I have a handful of friends who know my deepest secrets but they do not know me fully. I am slowly beginning to understand that I am a wearer of masks. And I do so not because I aim to deceive people but because I feel safer. I almost revel being behind a mask of pride than be under the spotlight of prejudice. I would rather slip behind the mask of apathy than see myself crumble to the ground when I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I feel the need for hiding is great because sometimes I believe that people will not accept me if I do not fit into their standards of what a person should be. Fortunately I have about 2 or 3 people I know who accepts me for who I am. But sometimes I cannot help but think to myself if they will ever change in the future...after all, everybody does.
I miss the comfort of long conversations when someone will really want to listen to me and my tales of sorrow, happiness, guilt, confusion, defeat, victory and survival. I miss having to sit down with someone who honestly and wholeheartedly wants to just listen to me. That's it---just listen. I think people underestimate the power and luxury of having a friend you can count on when all else in your world breaks down.
In the end, after all the distractions have lost their luster, after you've focused so much on yourself, when you feel this type of loneliness, you will understand what I am talking about. You'll just want to have someone to really care about what's happening to you.
Until then, I will wear my masks in the hopes that someone will see right through me.
There will always be secrets that you will always keep from someone or everyone. I have a handful of friends who know my deepest secrets but they do not know me fully. I am slowly beginning to understand that I am a wearer of masks. And I do so not because I aim to deceive people but because I feel safer. I almost revel being behind a mask of pride than be under the spotlight of prejudice. I would rather slip behind the mask of apathy than see myself crumble to the ground when I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I feel the need for hiding is great because sometimes I believe that people will not accept me if I do not fit into their standards of what a person should be. Fortunately I have about 2 or 3 people I know who accepts me for who I am. But sometimes I cannot help but think to myself if they will ever change in the future...after all, everybody does.
I miss the comfort of long conversations when someone will really want to listen to me and my tales of sorrow, happiness, guilt, confusion, defeat, victory and survival. I miss having to sit down with someone who honestly and wholeheartedly wants to just listen to me. That's it---just listen. I think people underestimate the power and luxury of having a friend you can count on when all else in your world breaks down.
In the end, after all the distractions have lost their luster, after you've focused so much on yourself, when you feel this type of loneliness, you will understand what I am talking about. You'll just want to have someone to really care about what's happening to you.
Until then, I will wear my masks in the hopes that someone will see right through me.
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Bring It On
Bring It On
I don't know if this November will be a better month. And I say that because even though I'm finally getting the space I need to be my own solitary self, I am oblivious as to what will happen next. Also, at this stage in my life, I am too tired to care about the people who continuously hurt me so I just ignore them altogether. It's just tiring being the one who always understands; being the one who always has to take the brunt of the blow.
Simply put, this year has been one of the worst years in my life. I honestly don't know if the menace is over but I am expecting the worst right now to tell you the truth. I just cannot believe what people have been able to do to me this year.
But it is an eye-opener to me and I now am aware that in this life, anything bad is possible. But with all honesty, I can now truthfully say, "Bring it on".
I don't know if this November will be a better month. And I say that because even though I'm finally getting the space I need to be my own solitary self, I am oblivious as to what will happen next. Also, at this stage in my life, I am too tired to care about the people who continuously hurt me so I just ignore them altogether. It's just tiring being the one who always understands; being the one who always has to take the brunt of the blow.
Simply put, this year has been one of the worst years in my life. I honestly don't know if the menace is over but I am expecting the worst right now to tell you the truth. I just cannot believe what people have been able to do to me this year.
But it is an eye-opener to me and I now am aware that in this life, anything bad is possible. But with all honesty, I can now truthfully say, "Bring it on".
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Wants and Needs
Wants and Needs
It just hit me that I won't have everything that I hope for.
Not because it's the truth, but because it's just fair. Everybody else can't have everything they want. Why should I be any different?
I was thinking about the things that have happened to me this year. I know...it's a bit early for reminiscing and flashback episodes but hey, this is my blog. =) Anyway, I can honestly say that I am one year wiser albeit a bit sadder. I know that for a fact because last October, I was in the company of good co-workers who later on became my friends. That was one hell of a ride. I could say the same for this year. This year hit me like a freight train speeding unlike anything I've ever experienced before.
It hit me smack dab in the middle of heart and soul.
And to tell you the truth, I think I haven't landed from the blow yet; I feel as if I'm still flying....waiting to crash. *sigh*
Anyway, I have realized that I can't have everything although I WILL work on trying to get some of my inane and trivial wants in this world. Here are a few of them in no particular order:
1. A goatee. I think I've been shaving my chin since forever and I still haven't amassed enough hair to call it a goatee. I'd actually think that'd look good on me. Or at least I'd like to see myself carry a good one.
2. 4 Mishra's Workshops. It's a hobby of mine. Magic cards? Doesn't ring a bell? Became famous back then in 1997? Still sound Greek to you? Okay, next!
3. A healthy knee. I actually believe I already have arthritis in my left knee. Whenever I play basketball these days, it feels quite sore and I have to keep massaging the plate for it not to throb. Damn, I'm old.
4. Six-pack abs 'Nuff said.
5. A cigarette-free year Actually, I'd like to have a cigarette-free lifetime. I think having cancer in our genes is enough. I'd probably die of colon cancer or some other excruciating disease.
I guess that's it for now. Thanks for reading this far. Until next time!
It just hit me that I won't have everything that I hope for.
Not because it's the truth, but because it's just fair. Everybody else can't have everything they want. Why should I be any different?
I was thinking about the things that have happened to me this year. I know...it's a bit early for reminiscing and flashback episodes but hey, this is my blog. =) Anyway, I can honestly say that I am one year wiser albeit a bit sadder. I know that for a fact because last October, I was in the company of good co-workers who later on became my friends. That was one hell of a ride. I could say the same for this year. This year hit me like a freight train speeding unlike anything I've ever experienced before.
It hit me smack dab in the middle of heart and soul.
And to tell you the truth, I think I haven't landed from the blow yet; I feel as if I'm still flying....waiting to crash. *sigh*
Anyway, I have realized that I can't have everything although I WILL work on trying to get some of my inane and trivial wants in this world. Here are a few of them in no particular order:
1. A goatee. I think I've been shaving my chin since forever and I still haven't amassed enough hair to call it a goatee. I'd actually think that'd look good on me. Or at least I'd like to see myself carry a good one.
2. 4 Mishra's Workshops. It's a hobby of mine. Magic cards? Doesn't ring a bell? Became famous back then in 1997? Still sound Greek to you? Okay, next!
3. A healthy knee. I actually believe I already have arthritis in my left knee. Whenever I play basketball these days, it feels quite sore and I have to keep massaging the plate for it not to throb. Damn, I'm old.
4. Six-pack abs 'Nuff said.
5. A cigarette-free year Actually, I'd like to have a cigarette-free lifetime. I think having cancer in our genes is enough. I'd probably die of colon cancer or some other excruciating disease.
I guess that's it for now. Thanks for reading this far. Until next time!
Monday, October 25, 2004
Just an Afterthought
Just an Afterthought
I was just browsing through the dusty drawers of my room when I happened upon this poem:
When can I smile again?
When can I smile again?
When will people stop putting
labels on my faltering ego?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
When can I smile again?
When will the rest of the world
stop judging and start loving?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
Too many questions demand
to be answered
Too many hearts still
close out on me
So much wasted time
When can I smile again?
When can I know joy and love
for the second time around?
I want people to notice that
I, now, am dying...and that I need them.
by Zeus Martinez
April, 16, 1999
To tell you the truth, I can't remember anymore what I was thinking back then. I can't remember anymore why I wrote this poem although I could surmise that this was probably about people in my university since this was already during my time in college. *whew* When I listen to myself, it seems as if I'm really old. (which I concede I am) I guess all I can say is that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I was just browsing through the dusty drawers of my room when I happened upon this poem:
When can I smile again?
When can I smile again?
When will people stop putting
labels on my faltering ego?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
When can I smile again?
When will the rest of the world
stop judging and start loving?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
Too many questions demand
to be answered
Too many hearts still
close out on me
So much wasted time
When can I smile again?
When can I know joy and love
for the second time around?
I want people to notice that
I, now, am dying...and that I need them.
by Zeus Martinez
April, 16, 1999
To tell you the truth, I can't remember anymore what I was thinking back then. I can't remember anymore why I wrote this poem although I could surmise that this was probably about people in my university since this was already during my time in college. *whew* When I listen to myself, it seems as if I'm really old. (which I concede I am) I guess all I can say is that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
