Bring It On
I don't know if this November will be a better month. And I say that because even though I'm finally getting the space I need to be my own solitary self, I am oblivious as to what will happen next. Also, at this stage in my life, I am too tired to care about the people who continuously hurt me so I just ignore them altogether. It's just tiring being the one who always understands; being the one who always has to take the brunt of the blow.
Simply put, this year has been one of the worst years in my life. I honestly don't know if the menace is over but I am expecting the worst right now to tell you the truth. I just cannot believe what people have been able to do to me this year.
But it is an eye-opener to me and I now am aware that in this life, anything bad is possible. But with all honesty, I can now truthfully say, "Bring it on".
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Wants and Needs
Wants and Needs
It just hit me that I won't have everything that I hope for.
Not because it's the truth, but because it's just fair. Everybody else can't have everything they want. Why should I be any different?
I was thinking about the things that have happened to me this year. I know...it's a bit early for reminiscing and flashback episodes but hey, this is my blog. =) Anyway, I can honestly say that I am one year wiser albeit a bit sadder. I know that for a fact because last October, I was in the company of good co-workers who later on became my friends. That was one hell of a ride. I could say the same for this year. This year hit me like a freight train speeding unlike anything I've ever experienced before.
It hit me smack dab in the middle of heart and soul.
And to tell you the truth, I think I haven't landed from the blow yet; I feel as if I'm still flying....waiting to crash. *sigh*
Anyway, I have realized that I can't have everything although I WILL work on trying to get some of my inane and trivial wants in this world. Here are a few of them in no particular order:
1. A goatee. I think I've been shaving my chin since forever and I still haven't amassed enough hair to call it a goatee. I'd actually think that'd look good on me. Or at least I'd like to see myself carry a good one.
2. 4 Mishra's Workshops. It's a hobby of mine. Magic cards? Doesn't ring a bell? Became famous back then in 1997? Still sound Greek to you? Okay, next!
3. A healthy knee. I actually believe I already have arthritis in my left knee. Whenever I play basketball these days, it feels quite sore and I have to keep massaging the plate for it not to throb. Damn, I'm old.
4. Six-pack abs 'Nuff said.
5. A cigarette-free year Actually, I'd like to have a cigarette-free lifetime. I think having cancer in our genes is enough. I'd probably die of colon cancer or some other excruciating disease.
I guess that's it for now. Thanks for reading this far. Until next time!
It just hit me that I won't have everything that I hope for.
Not because it's the truth, but because it's just fair. Everybody else can't have everything they want. Why should I be any different?
I was thinking about the things that have happened to me this year. I know...it's a bit early for reminiscing and flashback episodes but hey, this is my blog. =) Anyway, I can honestly say that I am one year wiser albeit a bit sadder. I know that for a fact because last October, I was in the company of good co-workers who later on became my friends. That was one hell of a ride. I could say the same for this year. This year hit me like a freight train speeding unlike anything I've ever experienced before.
It hit me smack dab in the middle of heart and soul.
And to tell you the truth, I think I haven't landed from the blow yet; I feel as if I'm still flying....waiting to crash. *sigh*
Anyway, I have realized that I can't have everything although I WILL work on trying to get some of my inane and trivial wants in this world. Here are a few of them in no particular order:
1. A goatee. I think I've been shaving my chin since forever and I still haven't amassed enough hair to call it a goatee. I'd actually think that'd look good on me. Or at least I'd like to see myself carry a good one.
2. 4 Mishra's Workshops. It's a hobby of mine. Magic cards? Doesn't ring a bell? Became famous back then in 1997? Still sound Greek to you? Okay, next!
3. A healthy knee. I actually believe I already have arthritis in my left knee. Whenever I play basketball these days, it feels quite sore and I have to keep massaging the plate for it not to throb. Damn, I'm old.
4. Six-pack abs 'Nuff said.
5. A cigarette-free year Actually, I'd like to have a cigarette-free lifetime. I think having cancer in our genes is enough. I'd probably die of colon cancer or some other excruciating disease.
I guess that's it for now. Thanks for reading this far. Until next time!
Monday, October 25, 2004
Just an Afterthought
Just an Afterthought
I was just browsing through the dusty drawers of my room when I happened upon this poem:
When can I smile again?
When can I smile again?
When will people stop putting
labels on my faltering ego?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
When can I smile again?
When will the rest of the world
stop judging and start loving?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
Too many questions demand
to be answered
Too many hearts still
close out on me
So much wasted time
When can I smile again?
When can I know joy and love
for the second time around?
I want people to notice that
I, now, am dying...and that I need them.
by Zeus Martinez
April, 16, 1999
To tell you the truth, I can't remember anymore what I was thinking back then. I can't remember anymore why I wrote this poem although I could surmise that this was probably about people in my university since this was already during my time in college. *whew* When I listen to myself, it seems as if I'm really old. (which I concede I am) I guess all I can say is that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I was just browsing through the dusty drawers of my room when I happened upon this poem:
When can I smile again?
When can I smile again?
When will people stop putting
labels on my faltering ego?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
When can I smile again?
When will the rest of the world
stop judging and start loving?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
Too many questions demand
to be answered
Too many hearts still
close out on me
So much wasted time
When can I smile again?
When can I know joy and love
for the second time around?
I want people to notice that
I, now, am dying...and that I need them.
by Zeus Martinez
April, 16, 1999
To tell you the truth, I can't remember anymore what I was thinking back then. I can't remember anymore why I wrote this poem although I could surmise that this was probably about people in my university since this was already during my time in college. *whew* When I listen to myself, it seems as if I'm really old. (which I concede I am) I guess all I can say is that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Picking Up The Pieces
Picking Up The Pieces
Don't you sometimes feel so fatigued because you're waiting for something to happen. I can't really help but throw my arms in the air in despair sometimes when I hit my lowest of lows. It's such a draining feeling that I get when I try with all my might to avert my thinking, when I try to adapt a new model of perspective.
I never knew a paradigm shift was this hard to obtain.
To the people who visit my blog, this might seem like a random collection of words that seem nothing but vague outbursts. To be honest, I confuse myself with who I really am. A colleague of mine pointed out that I really have to find out who I really am. I think that's a big step that I need to inevitably take. It's a hard road ahead but there are times when I see flashes of who I really am in reality. And when I realize who I am, I cannot help but squirm in disbelief not because my eyes do not lie but my heart tells me the truth.
And so, I will begin my journey anew. I am about to reinvent myself. How much will be entirely up to myself. I am of course, not promising any physical mutations such as tattoos (albeit I find them fascinating) or anything of that sort. But I am on a quest to change the little things that I feel I MUST NOT live with. I think I've taken a first step in quitting a bad habit (again) so I proposed to myself: "Let me take it from here."
I just hope I never backslide again. I think a part of me should finally resolve to say "No" when I know it's the right thing to do. I guess that will be the next item on my to-do list. Talk about having your work getting cut out for yourself.
Don't you sometimes feel so fatigued because you're waiting for something to happen. I can't really help but throw my arms in the air in despair sometimes when I hit my lowest of lows. It's such a draining feeling that I get when I try with all my might to avert my thinking, when I try to adapt a new model of perspective.
I never knew a paradigm shift was this hard to obtain.
To the people who visit my blog, this might seem like a random collection of words that seem nothing but vague outbursts. To be honest, I confuse myself with who I really am. A colleague of mine pointed out that I really have to find out who I really am. I think that's a big step that I need to inevitably take. It's a hard road ahead but there are times when I see flashes of who I really am in reality. And when I realize who I am, I cannot help but squirm in disbelief not because my eyes do not lie but my heart tells me the truth.
And so, I will begin my journey anew. I am about to reinvent myself. How much will be entirely up to myself. I am of course, not promising any physical mutations such as tattoos (albeit I find them fascinating) or anything of that sort. But I am on a quest to change the little things that I feel I MUST NOT live with. I think I've taken a first step in quitting a bad habit (again) so I proposed to myself: "Let me take it from here."
I just hope I never backslide again. I think a part of me should finally resolve to say "No" when I know it's the right thing to do. I guess that will be the next item on my to-do list. Talk about having your work getting cut out for yourself.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Full Recovery
Full Recovery
It's been quite a while since I've posted anything here in my blog. My apologies to those who have been seeing the same old stagnant entries everytime they visit. It's just that I've been swamped with a lot of stuff and I am literally thinking about a million and one things as of the moment. To tell you the truth, I wonder if it ever stops.
Anyway, news flash! I'm a bit well already from the cough that has plagued me since the 25th of last month. I try to bring a face towel with me everywhere I go just so I can keep my back dry whenever I commute. It's so nice to listen to your own breathing when it's not interrupted by sudden outbursts of coughing. It's also really nice to breathe through your two nostrils instead of just one. Having a stuffed nose was hell because it was accompanied by sinusitis. Last year I had a similar type of condition but it lasted for around 2 months instead of 3 weeks because I was working the graveyard shift in a call center so I don't think I was given the chance to recuperate at all. Now, I'm thankful that I'm able to breathe normally and cough when I want to.
So now, I'm back to my "healthy" self and hopefully, my posts will be too.
It's been quite a while since I've posted anything here in my blog. My apologies to those who have been seeing the same old stagnant entries everytime they visit. It's just that I've been swamped with a lot of stuff and I am literally thinking about a million and one things as of the moment. To tell you the truth, I wonder if it ever stops.
Anyway, news flash! I'm a bit well already from the cough that has plagued me since the 25th of last month. I try to bring a face towel with me everywhere I go just so I can keep my back dry whenever I commute. It's so nice to listen to your own breathing when it's not interrupted by sudden outbursts of coughing. It's also really nice to breathe through your two nostrils instead of just one. Having a stuffed nose was hell because it was accompanied by sinusitis. Last year I had a similar type of condition but it lasted for around 2 months instead of 3 weeks because I was working the graveyard shift in a call center so I don't think I was given the chance to recuperate at all. Now, I'm thankful that I'm able to breathe normally and cough when I want to.
So now, I'm back to my "healthy" self and hopefully, my posts will be too.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Eccentric
Eccentric
I just met up with a long lost friend two days ago. And when I mean "long" I mean exactly the same thing. The last time we saw each other was a little after we graduated from high school. To me that's like a lifetime already. So much has happened over the years that it seemed a bit surreal talking to him over a gigantic mug of Strong Ice over in Timog. I felt I was dreaming back then because we left a great friendship for our respective college courses and I guess I never had the chance to keep in touch with him.
We talked about the past, present and future and I couldn't help but quietly say to myself "The more things change, the more they stay the same."
He confesses to be more on the eccentric side but aren't we all? I think all of us has a certain type of madness that we all have deeply shut out--that certain eccentric side of us. I could never ever talk about myself and my musings as freely as he did that night. It seems as if I'm holding back. Then again, I don't know what it is I am suppressing. *sigh*
It's so hard to read something you absolutely have no idea about isn't it?
Welcome to my world.
I just met up with a long lost friend two days ago. And when I mean "long" I mean exactly the same thing. The last time we saw each other was a little after we graduated from high school. To me that's like a lifetime already. So much has happened over the years that it seemed a bit surreal talking to him over a gigantic mug of Strong Ice over in Timog. I felt I was dreaming back then because we left a great friendship for our respective college courses and I guess I never had the chance to keep in touch with him.
We talked about the past, present and future and I couldn't help but quietly say to myself "The more things change, the more they stay the same."
He confesses to be more on the eccentric side but aren't we all? I think all of us has a certain type of madness that we all have deeply shut out--that certain eccentric side of us. I could never ever talk about myself and my musings as freely as he did that night. It seems as if I'm holding back. Then again, I don't know what it is I am suppressing. *sigh*
It's so hard to read something you absolutely have no idea about isn't it?
Welcome to my world.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Mere Mortals
Mere Mortals
You really can't stress enough how important something is until you lose it.
This weekend, my immune system caved in and I had a bout with the flu. I'd like to think it was any ordinary attack but when you have a sore throat, stuffy nose, migraine AND a high fever apart from the sore joints, you'd hardly claim it was anything ordinary.
I guess I've been taking my health for granted. And this is so ironic because all of this happened after I talked to my long lost highschool buddy about getting back into basketball shape. :)
All I want to say is that we should all treasure whatever is important to us. May it be our families, our loved ones and our health. When I was lying on the bed breathing through my mouth (because of the stuffy nose I had) while trying to sleep, all I could think about was how and when I could get better.
Sometimes, we really can't rely on ourselves to keep our health in check. We almost always need the unsolicited help of diseases and viruses to tell us that we are not invincible and that we are mere mortals.
You really can't stress enough how important something is until you lose it.
This weekend, my immune system caved in and I had a bout with the flu. I'd like to think it was any ordinary attack but when you have a sore throat, stuffy nose, migraine AND a high fever apart from the sore joints, you'd hardly claim it was anything ordinary.
I guess I've been taking my health for granted. And this is so ironic because all of this happened after I talked to my long lost highschool buddy about getting back into basketball shape. :)
All I want to say is that we should all treasure whatever is important to us. May it be our families, our loved ones and our health. When I was lying on the bed breathing through my mouth (because of the stuffy nose I had) while trying to sleep, all I could think about was how and when I could get better.
Sometimes, we really can't rely on ourselves to keep our health in check. We almost always need the unsolicited help of diseases and viruses to tell us that we are not invincible and that we are mere mortals.
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Sniff, Sniff
Sniff, Sniff
I think I've finally caught the bad case of colds roaming around the office. This will probably be the first time this year that I've had a stuffed nose so bad that my head hurts.
Damn. I feel my head's in the middle of a vise.
Last time I felt like this was when I started taking calls in my first job as an agent. So much for the sweetness of nostalgia.
Anyway, I gotta crash. I'll probably just sleep it off and wake up feeling worse.
I think I've finally caught the bad case of colds roaming around the office. This will probably be the first time this year that I've had a stuffed nose so bad that my head hurts.
Damn. I feel my head's in the middle of a vise.
Last time I felt like this was when I started taking calls in my first job as an agent. So much for the sweetness of nostalgia.
Anyway, I gotta crash. I'll probably just sleep it off and wake up feeling worse.
Friday, September 24, 2004
Last Song Syndrome
Last Song Syndrome
People are People
by D' Sound
I am the one
who believes in all that you say
I am the one
who never wants to define herself
I am the one
who’s paralell, upfront, behind
I am the one
paddling like crazy through the night
Refine, old time, colourblind
Big sign, do time, doesn’t rhyme
A lot, to much, standing tall
And I’m crying in the valley:
“I shall never, ever fall!”
People are people
and I feel so strong
People are people and I’m
going on
I am the one
who stirs it up everytime
I am the one
who never knows how close she is
I am the one
who’d rather be dead than confess
I am the one
trying to be good, wanting to be bad and so on
Excess, temptress, big mess
Phoney, lonely, it’s a test
Be still my heart, don’t you fail
And I’m crying on the stagefloor:
“I will always prevail!”
I’m going on…
A really nice song I got from Elaine. :-)
People are People
by D' Sound
I am the one
who believes in all that you say
I am the one
who never wants to define herself
I am the one
who’s paralell, upfront, behind
I am the one
paddling like crazy through the night
Refine, old time, colourblind
Big sign, do time, doesn’t rhyme
A lot, to much, standing tall
And I’m crying in the valley:
“I shall never, ever fall!”
People are people
and I feel so strong
People are people and I’m
going on
I am the one
who stirs it up everytime
I am the one
who never knows how close she is
I am the one
who’d rather be dead than confess
I am the one
trying to be good, wanting to be bad and so on
Excess, temptress, big mess
Phoney, lonely, it’s a test
Be still my heart, don’t you fail
And I’m crying on the stagefloor:
“I will always prevail!”
I’m going on…
A really nice song I got from Elaine. :-)
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Our Dying Motherland
Our Dying Motherland
As of the moment, I go through each day thinking what will become of my future.
I think to myself: "How do you even start a family in this country in this day and age with all of the corruption that is going on in our government?"
It almost seems impossible to fathom but to be honest, the sliver of hope that I am clinging to is fading fast.
Everywhere you go, you are treated like strangers by fellow-Filipinos. And these same people would gladly smile and converse with the foreigner next to you. Like what one of my friends said we live in a country with so much colonial mentality. I'm beginning to wonder if the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt." is one of the absolute reigning truths here in our Motherland.
It's such a sad and hurtful thing to see a cashier sneer at you when you give them a large bill when you're ordering a simple meal; or if the driver of the passenger jeepney you're on doesn't even bother to give you your change of 50 centavos; or when the taxi driver takes a longer route to your destination just so he can extend the meter's sum total.
Some people might worry about more trivial things like how to get to Saturday night's party without fear of having your friends' friends notice that you wore the same outfit two weekends ago.
The brunt of the hurt is felt by the common people, the masses, the bourgeois.
And it bothers me when I think about what will happen to our government if this trend continues. We could be more than what we are today. Sadly, the people in our government have ulterior motives...and that translates to everybody else.
We are all struggling to keep afloat in this God-forsaken country. It's such a shame that looking at the trend, the status quo will remain for many more years to come.
As of the moment, I go through each day thinking what will become of my future.
I think to myself: "How do you even start a family in this country in this day and age with all of the corruption that is going on in our government?"
It almost seems impossible to fathom but to be honest, the sliver of hope that I am clinging to is fading fast.
Everywhere you go, you are treated like strangers by fellow-Filipinos. And these same people would gladly smile and converse with the foreigner next to you. Like what one of my friends said we live in a country with so much colonial mentality. I'm beginning to wonder if the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt." is one of the absolute reigning truths here in our Motherland.
It's such a sad and hurtful thing to see a cashier sneer at you when you give them a large bill when you're ordering a simple meal; or if the driver of the passenger jeepney you're on doesn't even bother to give you your change of 50 centavos; or when the taxi driver takes a longer route to your destination just so he can extend the meter's sum total.
Some people might worry about more trivial things like how to get to Saturday night's party without fear of having your friends' friends notice that you wore the same outfit two weekends ago.
The brunt of the hurt is felt by the common people, the masses, the bourgeois.
And it bothers me when I think about what will happen to our government if this trend continues. We could be more than what we are today. Sadly, the people in our government have ulterior motives...and that translates to everybody else.
We are all struggling to keep afloat in this God-forsaken country. It's such a shame that looking at the trend, the status quo will remain for many more years to come.
Thursday, September 16, 2004
It Hurts
It Hurts
I am at my worst right now.
I don't see the point of moving on with life if you don't have anybody who understands you. I really don't get it.
But most of all, I miss her. With all my heart, I miss the love that we once shared. But now, I have been replaced by something else...something more important.
I guess I had it coming all along. All I am is one of life's biggest mistakes and nothing else.
I am at my worst right now.
I don't see the point of moving on with life if you don't have anybody who understands you. I really don't get it.
But most of all, I miss her. With all my heart, I miss the love that we once shared. But now, I have been replaced by something else...something more important.
I guess I had it coming all along. All I am is one of life's biggest mistakes and nothing else.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
The Value of Friendship
The Certainty of Friendship
Change has pervaded my life ever since I started working. My very first job was at the BEST call center in the Philippines. *wink* At that job, I gained a lot of friends whom I didn't have any direct connections with. They were from different universities as well as various backgrounds. I really did not expect that I would become close to them because I had my own set of friends before I dove into the abyss of the workplace.
I had my highschool friends, my college friends and my village friends. I really didn't think I could have any more space for some more.
And so I stayed quiet. But in due time I opened up to them like a flower approaching the first morning of spring. After I left my job, I never thought I would find friends as great as them.
It seems that life will always surprise us with a lot of things.
L-R: Maan, Hazel, Regina, me.
I have been fortunate enough to have been blessed once again.
Change has pervaded my life ever since I started working. My very first job was at the BEST call center in the Philippines. *wink* At that job, I gained a lot of friends whom I didn't have any direct connections with. They were from different universities as well as various backgrounds. I really did not expect that I would become close to them because I had my own set of friends before I dove into the abyss of the workplace.
I had my highschool friends, my college friends and my village friends. I really didn't think I could have any more space for some more.
And so I stayed quiet. But in due time I opened up to them like a flower approaching the first morning of spring. After I left my job, I never thought I would find friends as great as them.
It seems that life will always surprise us with a lot of things.
L-R: Maan, Hazel, Regina, me.
I have been fortunate enough to have been blessed once again.
Saturday, September 11, 2004
I Am...
I Am...
...a distraction to others...
...a distraction unto myself...
...a lost soul...
...a terrified wanderer...
...inadequate...
...distressed...
...under duress...
I am everything else that any lost and lonely soul may ever become. I am a tired passenger on life's longer journeys and I am yearning for sleep.
Someone, anyone...somebody save me from me.
...a distraction to others...
...a distraction unto myself...
...a lost soul...
...a terrified wanderer...
...inadequate...
...distressed...
...under duress...
I am everything else that any lost and lonely soul may ever become. I am a tired passenger on life's longer journeys and I am yearning for sleep.
Someone, anyone...somebody save me from me.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
For the 80's Kid
For the 80's Kid
Simply an 80's classic.
I think I even cried during the movie.
Simply an 80's classic.
I think I even cried during the movie.
 | Love-a-Lot Bear |
Thinking of Days Past
Thinking of Days Past
I once sang this song for someone who I considered to be really special in my life. I called her up and just started to sing without even saying "Hello".
Can't Cry Hard Enough
I'm going to live my life
Like every day's my last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast
And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I'm going to open my eyes
And see for the first time
I've let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite
There it goes up in the sky
There it goes beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I'm going to look back in vain
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is just an empty chair
And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I put down the phone after the last line. Lalang....memories.
I once sang this song for someone who I considered to be really special in my life. I called her up and just started to sing without even saying "Hello".
Can't Cry Hard Enough
I'm going to live my life
Like every day's my last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast
And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I'm going to open my eyes
And see for the first time
I've let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite
There it goes up in the sky
There it goes beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I'm going to look back in vain
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is just an empty chair
And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I put down the phone after the last line. Lalang....memories.
Monday, September 06, 2004
And 1
And One
Looking back, last Friday played out like a movie in the making. Everyone else in the Sales team went out for a client call except me. :) And I said I wanted to just stay so at least someone can answer the phone.
And someone did indeed call.
I woke up with a case of LBM today. I have to remember to look at the isaw as it is being cooked next time. Anyway, I just stayed home, drank Immodium, ate bananas, drank some green tea and Coke and slept. After I woke up at around 6:40 PM I got a text from Regina that went like:
"Hey we g0t it!!! Wah00!! Sori im at d gym! Hehe! Astg as in they wer s0 nice and all! Maan was d b0mb! 2 m0nth campn man!"
I felt the sleep rub off me and I stood up and pumped my hand in jubilation. Maan's the bomb! Definitely Regina and Hazel too! :)
And 1, baby!!! =) Go Sales!!!
Looking back, last Friday played out like a movie in the making. Everyone else in the Sales team went out for a client call except me. :) And I said I wanted to just stay so at least someone can answer the phone.
And someone did indeed call.
I woke up with a case of LBM today. I have to remember to look at the isaw as it is being cooked next time. Anyway, I just stayed home, drank Immodium, ate bananas, drank some green tea and Coke and slept. After I woke up at around 6:40 PM I got a text from Regina that went like:
"Hey we g0t it!!! Wah00!! Sori im at d gym! Hehe! Astg as in they wer s0 nice and all! Maan was d b0mb! 2 m0nth campn man!"
I felt the sleep rub off me and I stood up and pumped my hand in jubilation. Maan's the bomb! Definitely Regina and Hazel too! :)
And 1, baby!!! =) Go Sales!!!
Saturday, September 04, 2004
To Court Love is to Court Pain
To Court Love is to Court Pain
I am an observer by nature. I find myself looking and listening than talking the night away in a random gathering.
And what I have observed is that people know so little about love and the equal amount of pain it can potentially cause. People are absolutely oblivious to the fact that whenever you court love, you court pain. That is a pre-given and nobody is exempted from the sting of lost or broken love. It is a feeling that everybody goes through whether you have been in one relationship or a hundred. That is the premise that I wish to share:
"Whenever you truly, genuinely love someone, you must also be prepared to hurt as much."
I have heard countless stories of people loving another only for the story to end when the person leaves their current love for a better deal. I have heard of couples in a relationship who split up because the other person finds it easier to concentrate on his job rather than the relationship. All of a sudden, from #1 to almost gone.
It is a sad and dreadful truth; one which looms over us like a dark cloud upon us before the downpour. And all of us have no control over it as much as we cannot stop a single drop of rain from falling. We cannot master Love because it can be taken from us as much as it is freely given. It is a reality we must all face that if we say "Yes" to someone else, we must also consider the fine print that comes with it. It might be prudent to include after the affirmation the following phrases:
"I am allowing my vulnerability to be exposed."
"I give you the right to hurt me."
"I know this will hurt if you leave but let's try anyway."
No one can dictate to us who we want to love. And that is the truth that some people forget. If you love a person, that is all because you decide it upon yourself that this particular man or woman is worthy of your love. But when the person does not reciprocate the love that you bestow, that is only because of this one God-given right. It will be probably one of the one greatest possessions we mortals will ever have.
It is called free will.
We shouldn't blame the person we give our love to for loving someone else other than us because it is not right. We give our love to someone; we surrender everything else except our souls to this one person not because it is a requirement. We do it not because we are obliged to, but because we want to. Out of all the people in the world that we have met, like a king knighting a soldier with his royal scepter, we choose to love one person. But let us not forget that we are not kings or queens.
The love that we bestow upon this person is honorable, yes...but our word is not final. The person can always say "No".
Or leave us...
Or go behind our back...
Or cheat on us...
There are a thousand and one reasons why someone will decline but that should not be taken as a reflection of our inadequacy or incompetence. They are all part of a plan. As to what plan and why it is structured as such, I have no clue.
All I can say is that all of us have our own journeys to follow. I would like to think that whenever we fail in a relationship, it does not mean that we are bad people. To me those slips and "failures" are just stepping stones we must need to cross in order for us to get to the other side. We should look at these as rocks in a river which will bring us closer to the The One.
It just so happens that some people have wider rivers to cross, faster currents to keep cautious of, and stronger gusts of wind to fight while crossing that proverbial river. And so we must bid our time, wait for the right opportunity when we should jump onto the next rock. Or else we will just slip because of the raging water, lose balance because of the wind, and fail once again.
Once you understand how your surroundings are and how the river flows, you should do just fine.
I am an observer by nature. I find myself looking and listening than talking the night away in a random gathering.
And what I have observed is that people know so little about love and the equal amount of pain it can potentially cause. People are absolutely oblivious to the fact that whenever you court love, you court pain. That is a pre-given and nobody is exempted from the sting of lost or broken love. It is a feeling that everybody goes through whether you have been in one relationship or a hundred. That is the premise that I wish to share:
"Whenever you truly, genuinely love someone, you must also be prepared to hurt as much."
I have heard countless stories of people loving another only for the story to end when the person leaves their current love for a better deal. I have heard of couples in a relationship who split up because the other person finds it easier to concentrate on his job rather than the relationship. All of a sudden, from #1 to almost gone.
It is a sad and dreadful truth; one which looms over us like a dark cloud upon us before the downpour. And all of us have no control over it as much as we cannot stop a single drop of rain from falling. We cannot master Love because it can be taken from us as much as it is freely given. It is a reality we must all face that if we say "Yes" to someone else, we must also consider the fine print that comes with it. It might be prudent to include after the affirmation the following phrases:
"I am allowing my vulnerability to be exposed."
"I give you the right to hurt me."
"I know this will hurt if you leave but let's try anyway."
No one can dictate to us who we want to love. And that is the truth that some people forget. If you love a person, that is all because you decide it upon yourself that this particular man or woman is worthy of your love. But when the person does not reciprocate the love that you bestow, that is only because of this one God-given right. It will be probably one of the one greatest possessions we mortals will ever have.
It is called free will.
We shouldn't blame the person we give our love to for loving someone else other than us because it is not right. We give our love to someone; we surrender everything else except our souls to this one person not because it is a requirement. We do it not because we are obliged to, but because we want to. Out of all the people in the world that we have met, like a king knighting a soldier with his royal scepter, we choose to love one person. But let us not forget that we are not kings or queens.
The love that we bestow upon this person is honorable, yes...but our word is not final. The person can always say "No".
Or leave us...
Or go behind our back...
Or cheat on us...
There are a thousand and one reasons why someone will decline but that should not be taken as a reflection of our inadequacy or incompetence. They are all part of a plan. As to what plan and why it is structured as such, I have no clue.
All I can say is that all of us have our own journeys to follow. I would like to think that whenever we fail in a relationship, it does not mean that we are bad people. To me those slips and "failures" are just stepping stones we must need to cross in order for us to get to the other side. We should look at these as rocks in a river which will bring us closer to the The One.
It just so happens that some people have wider rivers to cross, faster currents to keep cautious of, and stronger gusts of wind to fight while crossing that proverbial river. And so we must bid our time, wait for the right opportunity when we should jump onto the next rock. Or else we will just slip because of the raging water, lose balance because of the wind, and fail once again.
Once you understand how your surroundings are and how the river flows, you should do just fine.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
More Time
More Time
I wonder what it would be like if we simply had more time. I, for one, would like to have a day extend up to 32 hours--that of course being all else equal. A day that would consist of an 8 hour job, 8 hours of leisure time, 12 hours of sleep and 4 hours of just doing what you love to do--whatever it may be. I think I need just a little extra time sometimes.
That would be a loooong day but I sure would like to experience one. Even just once.
I wonder what it would feel like. One would probably be bored to death. Most people would probably turn out to be lazier than they are. I just sometimes find it difficult to squeeze everything else that I want to do in one day. I sometimes find it hard to pursue my other hobbies because sometimes when I'm done with work and I go home, I just fall flat on my face and sleep 'til the morning comes. It's a tiring routine but every now and then I manage to keep up.
As for us mortals who dwell on a plane of existence that is governed by time, we have no control over it so we will just have to make do with whatever we have.
Learn everything we can.
Be the best person we can be.
And last but not the least, make the world a better place because we're in it.
I wonder what it would be like if we simply had more time. I, for one, would like to have a day extend up to 32 hours--that of course being all else equal. A day that would consist of an 8 hour job, 8 hours of leisure time, 12 hours of sleep and 4 hours of just doing what you love to do--whatever it may be. I think I need just a little extra time sometimes.
That would be a loooong day but I sure would like to experience one. Even just once.
I wonder what it would feel like. One would probably be bored to death. Most people would probably turn out to be lazier than they are. I just sometimes find it difficult to squeeze everything else that I want to do in one day. I sometimes find it hard to pursue my other hobbies because sometimes when I'm done with work and I go home, I just fall flat on my face and sleep 'til the morning comes. It's a tiring routine but every now and then I manage to keep up.
As for us mortals who dwell on a plane of existence that is governed by time, we have no control over it so we will just have to make do with whatever we have.
Learn everything we can.
Be the best person we can be.
And last but not the least, make the world a better place because we're in it.
Monday, August 30, 2004
Clichés and Regrets
Clichés and Regrets
After nearly a quarter century of living in this world, you can't seem to face the fact that nearly all of the clichés and familiar sayings you've ever heard seem to apply to you.
"Time flies by so fast."
"Life was simple back then."
"If I could only turn back time."
"Hindsight is always 20/20."
And my personal favorite..."What if?"
It's a bit saddening to come to terms with the fact that life will no longer be easy for you anymore. It's a bit hard on the people who have been sheltered from the difficulties of life when they realize that from here on in, it will be a life of thankless work and a thousand and one mistakes. After all, we are all entitled to that type of life. There wouldn't be any growth at all if everybody was right all the time.
Time and experience is a valuable teacher. This I have proven time and again.
I read someone's comment about being nostalgic. The person said that there wouldn't be any point in complaining about how easy we had it back then; how we didn't think of how much we were spending when we bought something. Now, we always need to look twice in our wallet and spend a few seconds to mentally compute if the value meal that we're planning to eat will be worth it or not. Damn.
I wonder if this will ever stop. I'm wondering if I would still feel this way if I worked in a different country. I wonder if I would stop worrying about things if I had more money. I wonder I wouldn't have any more problems if I became more financially stable. Even though, it's tempting to subscribe to that belief, I still don't want to. I still believe that money is the root of all evil--that is with the condition that if you allow yourself to be consumed by it.
I really have no idea on what to expect of this country and the life that is ahead of us. I am only hoping that 10 years in the future, we won't be looking back in despair and say that we had it easy back then.
After nearly a quarter century of living in this world, you can't seem to face the fact that nearly all of the clichés and familiar sayings you've ever heard seem to apply to you.
"Time flies by so fast."
"Life was simple back then."
"If I could only turn back time."
"Hindsight is always 20/20."
And my personal favorite..."What if?"
It's a bit saddening to come to terms with the fact that life will no longer be easy for you anymore. It's a bit hard on the people who have been sheltered from the difficulties of life when they realize that from here on in, it will be a life of thankless work and a thousand and one mistakes. After all, we are all entitled to that type of life. There wouldn't be any growth at all if everybody was right all the time.
Time and experience is a valuable teacher. This I have proven time and again.
I read someone's comment about being nostalgic. The person said that there wouldn't be any point in complaining about how easy we had it back then; how we didn't think of how much we were spending when we bought something. Now, we always need to look twice in our wallet and spend a few seconds to mentally compute if the value meal that we're planning to eat will be worth it or not. Damn.
I wonder if this will ever stop. I'm wondering if I would still feel this way if I worked in a different country. I wonder if I would stop worrying about things if I had more money. I wonder I wouldn't have any more problems if I became more financially stable. Even though, it's tempting to subscribe to that belief, I still don't want to. I still believe that money is the root of all evil--that is with the condition that if you allow yourself to be consumed by it.
I really have no idea on what to expect of this country and the life that is ahead of us. I am only hoping that 10 years in the future, we won't be looking back in despair and say that we had it easy back then.
