Happy in Tagaytay
Last Sunday, my grandfather passed away. Even though he left me with the feeling of great loss, I know I'll be able to see him again someday. Rest in Peace, Pa.
Monday, April 11, 2005
It's not "Goodbye". It's "I'll See You Soon"
It's not "Goodbye", It's "I'll See You Soon"
Happy in Tagaytay
Last Sunday, my grandfather passed away. Even though he left me with the feeling of great loss, I know I'll be able to see him again someday. Rest in Peace, Pa.
Happy in Tagaytay
Last Sunday, my grandfather passed away. Even though he left me with the feeling of great loss, I know I'll be able to see him again someday. Rest in Peace, Pa.
Cluster Headache
Cluster Headache
Friday night, last week I did my normal routine of going to the gym, eating out and then riding the shuttle back home. But by the time I was home, my head was pounding. It wasn't because of high BP though. This was different. It was as if I could feel my heartbeat through my temples. If I had not worked out that night, I doubt that I could have slept through the pain.
Saturday and Sunday came and the headache still lingered. I did notice something though. Whenever I would try to shake my head (as if saying "No"), the top of my head which is probaby the center of my skull would hurt like hell. It's as if a jackhammer was drilling on it. Aside from that, the only symptom that I could take note of is whenever I would lie down on my side, I could literally feel my heartbeat on my left temple. It's a one-sided kind of throbbing because my right side would not hurt as much. I did some research and I think it's a cluster headache because of the throbbing pain in my left temple.
Today, the pain has become manageable compared to the night before but it still hurts. I just hope that whatever this is, it's not serious at all.
For those of you who read this, I would appreciate it if you included me in your prayers. Hope you have a headache-free week ahead.
Friday night, last week I did my normal routine of going to the gym, eating out and then riding the shuttle back home. But by the time I was home, my head was pounding. It wasn't because of high BP though. This was different. It was as if I could feel my heartbeat through my temples. If I had not worked out that night, I doubt that I could have slept through the pain.
Saturday and Sunday came and the headache still lingered. I did notice something though. Whenever I would try to shake my head (as if saying "No"), the top of my head which is probaby the center of my skull would hurt like hell. It's as if a jackhammer was drilling on it. Aside from that, the only symptom that I could take note of is whenever I would lie down on my side, I could literally feel my heartbeat on my left temple. It's a one-sided kind of throbbing because my right side would not hurt as much. I did some research and I think it's a cluster headache because of the throbbing pain in my left temple.
Today, the pain has become manageable compared to the night before but it still hurts. I just hope that whatever this is, it's not serious at all.
For those of you who read this, I would appreciate it if you included me in your prayers. Hope you have a headache-free week ahead.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
On Contentment
On Contentment
It's officially the start of the summer season.
I remember last year, I was unemployed back then. I was probably waking up very late in the morning and turning on the computer every day of April. March 15th of last year I just recently resigned from my work as a call center agent. I didn't really want to work right away because I was too busy enjoying the luxury and privilege of sleeping in the evening and waking up in the morning and not the other way around.
Now, it's summer again. There are days when the weather is so hot that it seems very difficult to breathe and there are so-so days when the slight breeze outside is enough to make the staring sun bearable. I wish I could join the people in the airport on their way to Cebu, Palawan or Boracay but I'm stuck here at work. I'm not complaining though. (something I want to get rid of) I'm happy as it is. I remember the time that I was looking for a job and then this opportunity came.
It is only with a grateful heart that I can say that I was blessed that fateful July when I entered into my second job. It's been tough, of course because I am in the business of sales but with all of the hardships and tough times that I've had in my job, all of the good far outweighs each and every trial.
Summer is officially here. I know it because I can see flocks of kids walking to the basketball court with jerseys on to practice for the summer league. I already feel the missing presence of schoolbuses and uniform-clad children whenever I board a jeepney. I see flyers of dancing classes, acting workshops and basketball camps scattered all around. It is the time for relaxing for the average student; a time for out-of-town trips and what not. But I really don't miss it at all.
I really don't miss it at all because I know that I am content with what I am doing. If I were to look at each and every situation in my life as I do my work now, I would probably be at my happiest right now. Of course, I still yearn to do more than my regular routine of coming in to work and typing away or calling potential clients. I guess I don't mind at all because of the culture that the company adopts. Plus, my co-workers are such good-natured and wonderful people. And because I'm an observer by nature, I learn a lot from them everyday.
Summer is back and I don't mind being indoors, working. It sure beats being indoors reading the classifieds section everyday. We should always be grateful. It would always be better to want what you already have than want the things you don't have. Sometimes, the important lessons in life, we learn on our own. I learned that the secret of contentment was never really a secret at all to begin with.
It's officially the start of the summer season.
I remember last year, I was unemployed back then. I was probably waking up very late in the morning and turning on the computer every day of April. March 15th of last year I just recently resigned from my work as a call center agent. I didn't really want to work right away because I was too busy enjoying the luxury and privilege of sleeping in the evening and waking up in the morning and not the other way around.
Now, it's summer again. There are days when the weather is so hot that it seems very difficult to breathe and there are so-so days when the slight breeze outside is enough to make the staring sun bearable. I wish I could join the people in the airport on their way to Cebu, Palawan or Boracay but I'm stuck here at work. I'm not complaining though. (something I want to get rid of) I'm happy as it is. I remember the time that I was looking for a job and then this opportunity came.
It is only with a grateful heart that I can say that I was blessed that fateful July when I entered into my second job. It's been tough, of course because I am in the business of sales but with all of the hardships and tough times that I've had in my job, all of the good far outweighs each and every trial.
Summer is officially here. I know it because I can see flocks of kids walking to the basketball court with jerseys on to practice for the summer league. I already feel the missing presence of schoolbuses and uniform-clad children whenever I board a jeepney. I see flyers of dancing classes, acting workshops and basketball camps scattered all around. It is the time for relaxing for the average student; a time for out-of-town trips and what not. But I really don't miss it at all.
I really don't miss it at all because I know that I am content with what I am doing. If I were to look at each and every situation in my life as I do my work now, I would probably be at my happiest right now. Of course, I still yearn to do more than my regular routine of coming in to work and typing away or calling potential clients. I guess I don't mind at all because of the culture that the company adopts. Plus, my co-workers are such good-natured and wonderful people. And because I'm an observer by nature, I learn a lot from them everyday.
Summer is back and I don't mind being indoors, working. It sure beats being indoors reading the classifieds section everyday. We should always be grateful. It would always be better to want what you already have than want the things you don't have. Sometimes, the important lessons in life, we learn on our own. I learned that the secret of contentment was never really a secret at all to begin with.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
The Little Prince
The Little Prince
You are the little prince.
Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the little prince.
Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Resurrection Sunday
Resurrection Sunday
Easter Sunday. Just finished watching The Passion of the Christ
Whenever I remember this particular day, I am reminded of how fortunate we are. Easter Sunday is the day that my Saviour rose again. I am reminded that we have been saved. It is the day that Jesus conquered death and paid for the sins of the person next to you, the person you will be meeting tonight, the person inside the next room, the person who your eyes will meet next.
Everyone is forgiven. This is a debt that didn't have to be paid, but was paid in full anyway. Our sins, both past, present and future ones, have been already paid. We are already saved. All we have to do, is believe in Jesus as our Lord.
I heard of a story that I can relate to this.
One night, an aircraft carrier was doing its routine voyage across the Pacific Ocean. Stationed along the edges of the carrier were crew members who were designated to stand watch. The men could see each person stationed across the entire ship. One crew member was lazily manning his post when he suddenly noticed that one of the crew members was missing. He hurriedly ran to the missing person's post and looked down at the bluish-black void to see if there was anybody overboard. Seeing nothing, he raced to the bunk of the person to check if he was there. Unfortunately the missing person was not to be found in their quarters.
That was when the alarm sounded.
The carrier then stopped and started to make its way around for a U-turn. All of the crew members were then at the edge looking around, squinting to see any sign of a person overboard. Soon enough, they saw someone over in the horizon, waving his hand. The person was lifted up from the sea and the crew hauled him in.
As he was catching his breath, one of his friends asked, "What happened? How did you fall overboard?"
The marine answered, "I don't know how I fell. But all I remember is when I saw the ship stop and turn around, I knew that I was going to be saved because you would come looking for me."
Jesus never asked us if we needed saving. But He did it anyway. I could have been that man right there. I could even have been the lowest ranked person on that ship but still, He chose to turn around and rescue me.
"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down his life for his friends" John 15:13
When I arrive at the gates of Heaven, they will be closed. And when St. Peter asks me why he should allow me to enter, I will only say that I have believed in Jesus and that he is my friend and those gates will open for me.
This circus that we call life, we all the distractions and temptations will all be for naught when we leave it. All that remains is our life with the Holy Spirit, the Heavenly Father and His Son or with Lucifer and the fallen.
It's not hard to choose what we would rather have but it is living up to that choice which is the difficult part. Whatever you do, do it for His glory and you shall be rewarded.
Easter Sunday. Just finished watching The Passion of the Christ
Whenever I remember this particular day, I am reminded of how fortunate we are. Easter Sunday is the day that my Saviour rose again. I am reminded that we have been saved. It is the day that Jesus conquered death and paid for the sins of the person next to you, the person you will be meeting tonight, the person inside the next room, the person who your eyes will meet next.
Everyone is forgiven. This is a debt that didn't have to be paid, but was paid in full anyway. Our sins, both past, present and future ones, have been already paid. We are already saved. All we have to do, is believe in Jesus as our Lord.
I heard of a story that I can relate to this.
One night, an aircraft carrier was doing its routine voyage across the Pacific Ocean. Stationed along the edges of the carrier were crew members who were designated to stand watch. The men could see each person stationed across the entire ship. One crew member was lazily manning his post when he suddenly noticed that one of the crew members was missing. He hurriedly ran to the missing person's post and looked down at the bluish-black void to see if there was anybody overboard. Seeing nothing, he raced to the bunk of the person to check if he was there. Unfortunately the missing person was not to be found in their quarters.
That was when the alarm sounded.
The carrier then stopped and started to make its way around for a U-turn. All of the crew members were then at the edge looking around, squinting to see any sign of a person overboard. Soon enough, they saw someone over in the horizon, waving his hand. The person was lifted up from the sea and the crew hauled him in.
As he was catching his breath, one of his friends asked, "What happened? How did you fall overboard?"
The marine answered, "I don't know how I fell. But all I remember is when I saw the ship stop and turn around, I knew that I was going to be saved because you would come looking for me."
Jesus never asked us if we needed saving. But He did it anyway. I could have been that man right there. I could even have been the lowest ranked person on that ship but still, He chose to turn around and rescue me.
"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down his life for his friends" John 15:13
When I arrive at the gates of Heaven, they will be closed. And when St. Peter asks me why he should allow me to enter, I will only say that I have believed in Jesus and that he is my friend and those gates will open for me.
This circus that we call life, we all the distractions and temptations will all be for naught when we leave it. All that remains is our life with the Holy Spirit, the Heavenly Father and His Son or with Lucifer and the fallen.
It's not hard to choose what we would rather have but it is living up to that choice which is the difficult part. Whatever you do, do it for His glory and you shall be rewarded.
Monday, March 21, 2005
The Endless
The Endless
by Zeus Martinez
I am the song of mermaids amidst the raging storm.
I am that thirst that is never quenched.
I am that which goes by the name of avarice.
Look for me in the things of beauty and grace and you shall find me.
And if you pass me by without pause for notice, I will reveal your longing for me.
In due time, you shall see my fair-skinned face.
I am the desolate and the desperate.
I am that fleeting moment of hope that dies in the wind.
I am that 11th hour that never comes.
Look for me in the frowns that adorn the faces of the lost and there I will be.
Wherever you are, I shall walk by and stay.
And maybe wink at you for the irony of it all.
I am the eclectic and the insane—madness in its purest form.
I am that thin line between the genius of virtuosos and the lunacy of fools
I am those pair of eyes you see across the padded room.
Look for me in the imaginary and the colorful sounds.
I will cover you in a blanket of delusion and derangement.
And we shall embrace each other until nightfall.
I am the crumbling pillars under ivory towers.
I am that tsunami silently creeping towards the shore.
I am the sound of the crashes of a million crests and troughs.
Look for me in a dying star a million light years away.
I shall tear down the mountains and devour the land.
For I live and breathe on the sheer force of nature.
I am the unchangeable constant.
I am that gift of predetermined bliss and ruin.
I am that goal you never let go of; the drive that will never falter.
Look for me in the hearts of the proud and determined.
I will give you no other choice except this page that I have for you.
I will show you where to go and how to get there.
I am the haze that fogs your mind.
I am that undefined story; the brush of memory and clairvoyance.
I am that nightmare you feed every night.
Look for me when you close your eyes and drift off to slumber.
For I have wonderful, twisted stories to show and tell.
And they will be our little secret to keep.
I am that last 21 grams.
I am that last hopeful breath flowing out of your body.
I am that split-second flash that rides on the hinges of disaster.
Look for me everywhere and around you.
I am here to stay and stay I will.
Hear me whisper, for I am coming to visit you.
I wrote this with the intent to personify poetry. I wanted to be able to describe how poetry encompasses all things and all emotions. This is what I came up with: a tribute to Neil Gaiman's Endless.
Which Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
by Zeus Martinez
I am the song of mermaids amidst the raging storm.
I am that thirst that is never quenched.
I am that which goes by the name of avarice.
Look for me in the things of beauty and grace and you shall find me.
And if you pass me by without pause for notice, I will reveal your longing for me.
In due time, you shall see my fair-skinned face.
I am the desolate and the desperate.
I am that fleeting moment of hope that dies in the wind.
I am that 11th hour that never comes.
Look for me in the frowns that adorn the faces of the lost and there I will be.
Wherever you are, I shall walk by and stay.
And maybe wink at you for the irony of it all.
I am the eclectic and the insane—madness in its purest form.
I am that thin line between the genius of virtuosos and the lunacy of fools
I am those pair of eyes you see across the padded room.
Look for me in the imaginary and the colorful sounds.
I will cover you in a blanket of delusion and derangement.
And we shall embrace each other until nightfall.
I am the crumbling pillars under ivory towers.
I am that tsunami silently creeping towards the shore.
I am the sound of the crashes of a million crests and troughs.
Look for me in a dying star a million light years away.
I shall tear down the mountains and devour the land.
For I live and breathe on the sheer force of nature.
I am the unchangeable constant.
I am that gift of predetermined bliss and ruin.
I am that goal you never let go of; the drive that will never falter.
Look for me in the hearts of the proud and determined.
I will give you no other choice except this page that I have for you.
I will show you where to go and how to get there.
I am the haze that fogs your mind.
I am that undefined story; the brush of memory and clairvoyance.
I am that nightmare you feed every night.
Look for me when you close your eyes and drift off to slumber.
For I have wonderful, twisted stories to show and tell.
And they will be our little secret to keep.
I am that last 21 grams.
I am that last hopeful breath flowing out of your body.
I am that split-second flash that rides on the hinges of disaster.
Look for me everywhere and around you.
I am here to stay and stay I will.
Hear me whisper, for I am coming to visit you.
I wrote this with the intent to personify poetry. I wanted to be able to describe how poetry encompasses all things and all emotions. This is what I came up with: a tribute to Neil Gaiman's Endless.
Which Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Forever Young
Forever Young
I have thought about it and I have yet to decide--would I rather die young or old.
One of the more practical and vain answers (in my opinion) that I have come across is to die young because you wouldn't have to worry about wrinkles or having too few people to attend your funeral. After all, when you've already left your earthly body, hovering over your wake, why would you want only a handful of your closest and dearest to be there with you. I mean, if I passed away, I would want a whole batch to mourn over me. I'd want my whole village to go and pay their respects to me. I would want the entirety of my co-workers to come visit my remains and cry their hearts out because they lost someone dear. Yeah, that would be so gratifying wouldn't it?
But that will not happen. And if given a choice as to whether I would have an entire multitude come to my funeral or just a handful of my friends, I would choose the latter. I was never the one to attract attention to myself. I'd probably keep to myself if we were the only strangers left in an interview room.
Maybe it's just my nonchalant attitude about not caring at all or it might also be my lack of vanity that makes me want to die an old man. Or maybe it's my love of life that spurs me onward to look forward to whatever experiences and learnings I might find during my journey. There is simply so many things to learn in this lifetime that there are people who die in the middle of expeditions to snow-capped mountains. There are people whose last thought is how they could have made this world into a better place by finding out the cure for cancer. There are people who will close their eyes on their way to the next life and realize that they want to stay a bit longer just so they can know a little more about themselves; so they can give a little more. For some people a lifetime simply is not enough.
Others will let go of their earthly life as freely as a gust of wind blows the autumn leaves into a dance. And then there are some who will try with all their might to hold on to what they have here on this earth and say that they wish they had more time to do the things they wanted to do. Try making an artist quit on his masterpiece and you will have barely glimpsed at what I am trying to say.
I will choose to leave this earthly existence as someone who has done his best; someone who tried to fulfill his wishes as well accomplish each and every thing he has set his mind to. I choose to have the knowledge that I have tried to become someone who is an inspiration to others rather than a fleeting and replaceable memory. Yes, I would agree that a thousand and one friends and relatives might pay their respects to you before you go six feet underground; but people easily forget. People tend to just shake their head in disbelief and remark, "It's such a shame." and then lead their own lives afterwards.
Nowadays, we lack a sincere and profound connection with the people whom we are close with. The pleasantries and good times reach only up to a certain level yet they do not transcend the level of ordinary acquaintances. I would honestly have only ten good friends attend my ceremony rather than have five hundred of my Friendsters show up; more than a half grumbling that they want to get it over with the program.
Quality has always won out for me. I would rather have the people whose lives I've touched be present than have a room full of strangers who really don't know who I am as a person. Ultimately, it's not about the number of breaths we take but the moments that take our breath away. When we pass on this life and when we leave someone who will remember who we are and what we have done for them, we will never die. We will be forever young. The sooner we realize that fact, the sooner we can stop getting busy dying so we can start getting busy living.
I have thought about it and I have yet to decide--would I rather die young or old.
One of the more practical and vain answers (in my opinion) that I have come across is to die young because you wouldn't have to worry about wrinkles or having too few people to attend your funeral. After all, when you've already left your earthly body, hovering over your wake, why would you want only a handful of your closest and dearest to be there with you. I mean, if I passed away, I would want a whole batch to mourn over me. I'd want my whole village to go and pay their respects to me. I would want the entirety of my co-workers to come visit my remains and cry their hearts out because they lost someone dear. Yeah, that would be so gratifying wouldn't it?
But that will not happen. And if given a choice as to whether I would have an entire multitude come to my funeral or just a handful of my friends, I would choose the latter. I was never the one to attract attention to myself. I'd probably keep to myself if we were the only strangers left in an interview room.
Maybe it's just my nonchalant attitude about not caring at all or it might also be my lack of vanity that makes me want to die an old man. Or maybe it's my love of life that spurs me onward to look forward to whatever experiences and learnings I might find during my journey. There is simply so many things to learn in this lifetime that there are people who die in the middle of expeditions to snow-capped mountains. There are people whose last thought is how they could have made this world into a better place by finding out the cure for cancer. There are people who will close their eyes on their way to the next life and realize that they want to stay a bit longer just so they can know a little more about themselves; so they can give a little more. For some people a lifetime simply is not enough.
Others will let go of their earthly life as freely as a gust of wind blows the autumn leaves into a dance. And then there are some who will try with all their might to hold on to what they have here on this earth and say that they wish they had more time to do the things they wanted to do. Try making an artist quit on his masterpiece and you will have barely glimpsed at what I am trying to say.
I will choose to leave this earthly existence as someone who has done his best; someone who tried to fulfill his wishes as well accomplish each and every thing he has set his mind to. I choose to have the knowledge that I have tried to become someone who is an inspiration to others rather than a fleeting and replaceable memory. Yes, I would agree that a thousand and one friends and relatives might pay their respects to you before you go six feet underground; but people easily forget. People tend to just shake their head in disbelief and remark, "It's such a shame." and then lead their own lives afterwards.
Nowadays, we lack a sincere and profound connection with the people whom we are close with. The pleasantries and good times reach only up to a certain level yet they do not transcend the level of ordinary acquaintances. I would honestly have only ten good friends attend my ceremony rather than have five hundred of my Friendsters show up; more than a half grumbling that they want to get it over with the program.
Quality has always won out for me. I would rather have the people whose lives I've touched be present than have a room full of strangers who really don't know who I am as a person. Ultimately, it's not about the number of breaths we take but the moments that take our breath away. When we pass on this life and when we leave someone who will remember who we are and what we have done for them, we will never die. We will be forever young. The sooner we realize that fact, the sooner we can stop getting busy dying so we can start getting busy living.
Friday, March 18, 2005
People Change
People Change
People change.
For me, change is the only constant in this universe and the next. All things are changing in their own unique ways. From the newborn babe to the hundred year-old sycamore with its roots firmly planted on the ground.
Like a flower nestled in a clay pot just inches away from the window, we are all reaching for our "sunlight" of sorts. We are all going somewhere.
When I was younger, I was a difficult person to get close to. That's probably because of my innate timid nature and my personality that was leaning more towards introversion. I was never the one person to initiate a conversation nor could I imagine that I would come to be comfortable with people who were loud and rowdy. I was an observer by nature and I actually could say to myself that I would not be able to change. As with all new learnings, you're proven wrong by the time you've made up your mind.
Here I am, a changed person. I can honestly say that I have been exposed to a lot of unique and beautiful personalities within my workplace and I have learned a lot from them. In the setting of where I work, I am able to laugh out loud without having to worry if the people in the next department will find it inappropriate. After all, the inside jokes almost always come from them. Let me paint you a picture:
Our resident Photoshop master, Iggy did this. If you don't know who F4 is, then you're probably not from the Philippines. Before, I would have found this embarassing. Now, it's only funny and it only makes me miss my long hair more. Hehe!
I have now embraced the environment that I am in right now. People change. What else is new?
People change.
For me, change is the only constant in this universe and the next. All things are changing in their own unique ways. From the newborn babe to the hundred year-old sycamore with its roots firmly planted on the ground.
Like a flower nestled in a clay pot just inches away from the window, we are all reaching for our "sunlight" of sorts. We are all going somewhere.
When I was younger, I was a difficult person to get close to. That's probably because of my innate timid nature and my personality that was leaning more towards introversion. I was never the one person to initiate a conversation nor could I imagine that I would come to be comfortable with people who were loud and rowdy. I was an observer by nature and I actually could say to myself that I would not be able to change. As with all new learnings, you're proven wrong by the time you've made up your mind.
Here I am, a changed person. I can honestly say that I have been exposed to a lot of unique and beautiful personalities within my workplace and I have learned a lot from them. In the setting of where I work, I am able to laugh out loud without having to worry if the people in the next department will find it inappropriate. After all, the inside jokes almost always come from them. Let me paint you a picture:
Our resident Photoshop master, Iggy did this. If you don't know who F4 is, then you're probably not from the Philippines. Before, I would have found this embarassing. Now, it's only funny and it only makes me miss my long hair more. Hehe!
I have now embraced the environment that I am in right now. People change. What else is new?
Thursday, March 17, 2005
REPOST: A Necessary Evil
REPOST: A Necessary Evil
Work is a necessary evil.
Yes, you heard me right: it is a necessary evil.
I believe it is so because we cannot seem to depart from it unless we are a king or a prince. But technically, the kings and queens of today still have to work on something else such as attending banquets and whatnot. So that takes care of the necessity of work. What about the evil that it brings? Ah, that is when the principle of relativity comes into play.
For some people, it will dawn upon them that work is something that they have waited for a long time. It represents independence, both financial and emotional. These are the types of people who have the excuse to stay late at night away from home because they have something to finish within the corporate walls of their workplace.
In contrast, there are some people who view work as something that takes away a lot of things from them. It takes away the closeness between two people because they will both have to spend time away from each other and in so doing, they will no doubt meet different personalities. In my experience, work introduces the idea of dishonesty. I have worked two jobs and I have always come up with stories of people with someone else other than their spouse.
Work indirectly destroys relationships. It opens up man to the biggest of temptations and it does so without the slightest knowledge of the people involved. If you try to pry deeper, you'll find a hint of dysfunctionality among your co-workers that wasn't there before they started working. It's a sick feeling, I know but it's the most lucid of truths.
It happens and you know it. That's what's so great about movies. They're inaccurate and accurate at the same time.
How many times have we heard about the man of the house leaving his family just to earn a living in another country only to find his wife having another affair when he returns? The reverse is not foreign to us. Man comes home and brings home a mistress with him. Wife cries. Couple divorces.
It's all too simple yet so blindingly accurate.
And all of this happened because of the sincere and loving desire of the man to provide for his spouse and family. All because of work.
Bullshit.
Call me bitter but maybe the reason I loathe work is because it changed me so much. It turned my life upside down because after it was introduced into my life, it never had any good effect on me. Everything was just the same day in and day out. The same old routine whiling away my time. But even if I look at work like this I am also in its debt because it has taken away my fears and concerns. As I mentioned before, it is a prison and haven of sorts. It simultaneously chains you to a specific set of tasks each and every day and it also gives you legitimate reason not to think of your problems away from it. Like we always hear: "Never bring your family problems to work and leave your work at the office." Sometimes I just feel I have so much to do. It seems that I can't seem to catch my breath. I just need a long break.
Well there you have it. Relativity explained. One person might adore working so much that it almost becomes his or her life and another person loathing it because it has taken so much from him.
I almost can't breathe from the frustration that I feel. And if you should know, I am the latter of the two if you haven't noticed yet. I just hope I find the redeeming factor in all that has happened--something that will tell me, "It's alright, you got me in return." It may be a person or something else. Whatever it is, I will wait.
Work is a necessary evil.
Yes, you heard me right: it is a necessary evil.
I believe it is so because we cannot seem to depart from it unless we are a king or a prince. But technically, the kings and queens of today still have to work on something else such as attending banquets and whatnot. So that takes care of the necessity of work. What about the evil that it brings? Ah, that is when the principle of relativity comes into play.
For some people, it will dawn upon them that work is something that they have waited for a long time. It represents independence, both financial and emotional. These are the types of people who have the excuse to stay late at night away from home because they have something to finish within the corporate walls of their workplace.
In contrast, there are some people who view work as something that takes away a lot of things from them. It takes away the closeness between two people because they will both have to spend time away from each other and in so doing, they will no doubt meet different personalities. In my experience, work introduces the idea of dishonesty. I have worked two jobs and I have always come up with stories of people with someone else other than their spouse.
Work indirectly destroys relationships. It opens up man to the biggest of temptations and it does so without the slightest knowledge of the people involved. If you try to pry deeper, you'll find a hint of dysfunctionality among your co-workers that wasn't there before they started working. It's a sick feeling, I know but it's the most lucid of truths.
It happens and you know it. That's what's so great about movies. They're inaccurate and accurate at the same time.
How many times have we heard about the man of the house leaving his family just to earn a living in another country only to find his wife having another affair when he returns? The reverse is not foreign to us. Man comes home and brings home a mistress with him. Wife cries. Couple divorces.
It's all too simple yet so blindingly accurate.
And all of this happened because of the sincere and loving desire of the man to provide for his spouse and family. All because of work.
Bullshit.
Call me bitter but maybe the reason I loathe work is because it changed me so much. It turned my life upside down because after it was introduced into my life, it never had any good effect on me. Everything was just the same day in and day out. The same old routine whiling away my time. But even if I look at work like this I am also in its debt because it has taken away my fears and concerns. As I mentioned before, it is a prison and haven of sorts. It simultaneously chains you to a specific set of tasks each and every day and it also gives you legitimate reason not to think of your problems away from it. Like we always hear: "Never bring your family problems to work and leave your work at the office." Sometimes I just feel I have so much to do. It seems that I can't seem to catch my breath. I just need a long break.
Well there you have it. Relativity explained. One person might adore working so much that it almost becomes his or her life and another person loathing it because it has taken so much from him.
I almost can't breathe from the frustration that I feel. And if you should know, I am the latter of the two if you haven't noticed yet. I just hope I find the redeeming factor in all that has happened--something that will tell me, "It's alright, you got me in return." It may be a person or something else. Whatever it is, I will wait.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
What Goes Around...
What Goes Around...
It seems that you just won't be able to please everybody in the world. No matter how blatant this truth is, I sometimes forget that people will either love you or hate you. But more often than not, I get disturbed by the haters. I don't hear them screaming at me and calling me names but I do know they are out there. And that silence is just gnawing away at me to the core.
I would like to see myself as a good person but there are times that I stumble; there are times when I slip and say something that others might find off or unnatural. Most of the time, they're the people who really don't know who I am as a person. People already get to judge you without even knowing who you are and why you do or say the things you say and do. In this day and age, I believe that talking behind someone else's back is as natural and normal as hearing the news. Only in this case, sources aren't as reliable and confirmation of the news is done after the reporting. Gossip has become one of society's unchecked pathologies today. And I can't blame anybody for wanting to know what happened with whom and when.
I am a pretty simple guy. Sometimes, I feel I'm too simple for my own sake. I rarely go out because I honestly do enjoy the routine of going to the gym, playing basketball every once in a while and chillin' in the comfort of my room. I rarely drink because my tolerance for alcohol has already waned and I'm already on the verge of being a smoke-free individual for about half a year. When I think about it, nothing is extraordinary about who I am and what I do. I could probably blend in a sea of people and you wouldn't even give me a second look. So when I know that people dislike me, I tend to get exasperated. Here I am, already living under the radar and you still see something negative in me. Sometimes I feel like I have to be more than who I am as a person to be liked and accepted. I mean, what do you exactly do when normal isn't enough?
Can't we all get along? Can't we just understand that people have their reasons? It's a bit frustrating when you see people judge other people just because they slipped for a moment and somehow showed the human side of them. Whatever happens, it would be best to remember that what goes around, comes around. Always have been, always will be.
It seems that you just won't be able to please everybody in the world. No matter how blatant this truth is, I sometimes forget that people will either love you or hate you. But more often than not, I get disturbed by the haters. I don't hear them screaming at me and calling me names but I do know they are out there. And that silence is just gnawing away at me to the core.
I would like to see myself as a good person but there are times that I stumble; there are times when I slip and say something that others might find off or unnatural. Most of the time, they're the people who really don't know who I am as a person. People already get to judge you without even knowing who you are and why you do or say the things you say and do. In this day and age, I believe that talking behind someone else's back is as natural and normal as hearing the news. Only in this case, sources aren't as reliable and confirmation of the news is done after the reporting. Gossip has become one of society's unchecked pathologies today. And I can't blame anybody for wanting to know what happened with whom and when.
I am a pretty simple guy. Sometimes, I feel I'm too simple for my own sake. I rarely go out because I honestly do enjoy the routine of going to the gym, playing basketball every once in a while and chillin' in the comfort of my room. I rarely drink because my tolerance for alcohol has already waned and I'm already on the verge of being a smoke-free individual for about half a year. When I think about it, nothing is extraordinary about who I am and what I do. I could probably blend in a sea of people and you wouldn't even give me a second look. So when I know that people dislike me, I tend to get exasperated. Here I am, already living under the radar and you still see something negative in me. Sometimes I feel like I have to be more than who I am as a person to be liked and accepted. I mean, what do you exactly do when normal isn't enough?
Can't we all get along? Can't we just understand that people have their reasons? It's a bit frustrating when you see people judge other people just because they slipped for a moment and somehow showed the human side of them. Whatever happens, it would be best to remember that what goes around, comes around. Always have been, always will be.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You?
Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You?
You are... WAIT! - you're none of the Sins you're an Angel! Perfect, or close enough, and annoyingly so! Did you always behave so 'just right'. ARGHHH . You can annoy the hell outta people with your attitude, but no doubt your church is real happy with you. The positive side certainly outweighs the negative, after all, you do chores, are smart, are cute, do charity work. Least you know what a perfect saint you are. You just make the rest of us sinners vomit. Perhaps you could break the rules once in a while, go wild - Eat an extra cookie or something. However - congratulations on being the most pure, of the entire human race.
Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are... WAIT! - you're none of the Sins you're an Angel! Perfect, or close enough, and annoyingly so! Did you always behave so 'just right'. ARGHHH . You can annoy the hell outta people with your attitude, but no doubt your church is real happy with you. The positive side certainly outweighs the negative, after all, you do chores, are smart, are cute, do charity work. Least you know what a perfect saint you are. You just make the rest of us sinners vomit. Perhaps you could break the rules once in a while, go wild - Eat an extra cookie or something. However - congratulations on being the most pure, of the entire human race.
Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Thursday, March 03, 2005
For The Love of the Game
For The Love of the Game
It's been a good year so far for me. Nothing spectacular but at the same time, nothing so tragic as to shake me from the firm foundation that I call habit. After three months into 2005, I realize that there are some things that I will never get tired of; there are things that I am not yet ready to give up; there are things that will always seem magical to me.
I have been playing basketball since the third grade. My village neighbor, Pope (yes, as in John Paul II) introduced me to the game. The very first shot I took was on a half court where I learned that I had an affinity for this very simple game. It turned out that it was something that I will not stop doing even into my forties, possibly my fifties if I live long enough.
The game taught me discipline. Having been to basketball clinics that were taught by the PBA coaches and players, I learned that this was a game that came to you either through sheer talent or through force of will. You either worked hard to become great or you just have that gift. It taught me the lesson of hard work as being one of the great equalizers. It was a game that I could relate my life to.
Whenever I remember The Greatest Player That Ever Played The Game say, "Basketball is like my psychiatrist. If you take that away from me. I wouldn't know what to do.", I didn't really understand what it meant until recently.
When I play out on the court with my friends, I am a different person. I am talkative and competitive at the same time. I am fun and funny all in the same hardcourt and I am serious and jovial during brief passing moments. I am all of these when I dribble the basketball and start playing.
The game of basketball is one of the joys in my life that I am thankful for. Without it, I wouldn't know what to do.
It's been a good year so far for me. Nothing spectacular but at the same time, nothing so tragic as to shake me from the firm foundation that I call habit. After three months into 2005, I realize that there are some things that I will never get tired of; there are things that I am not yet ready to give up; there are things that will always seem magical to me.
I have been playing basketball since the third grade. My village neighbor, Pope (yes, as in John Paul II) introduced me to the game. The very first shot I took was on a half court where I learned that I had an affinity for this very simple game. It turned out that it was something that I will not stop doing even into my forties, possibly my fifties if I live long enough.
The game taught me discipline. Having been to basketball clinics that were taught by the PBA coaches and players, I learned that this was a game that came to you either through sheer talent or through force of will. You either worked hard to become great or you just have that gift. It taught me the lesson of hard work as being one of the great equalizers. It was a game that I could relate my life to.
Whenever I remember The Greatest Player That Ever Played The Game say, "Basketball is like my psychiatrist. If you take that away from me. I wouldn't know what to do.", I didn't really understand what it meant until recently.
When I play out on the court with my friends, I am a different person. I am talkative and competitive at the same time. I am fun and funny all in the same hardcourt and I am serious and jovial during brief passing moments. I am all of these when I dribble the basketball and start playing.
The game of basketball is one of the joys in my life that I am thankful for. Without it, I wouldn't know what to do.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Looking Forward
Looking Forward
I spent Valentine's Day in the office. Lunch break was spent at a gym, burning away my energy as well as getting away from it all. Everything else was like any ordinary day. After three years of spending Valentine's Day with someone, I am back once again to a solitary celebration. Of course in my thoughts, I wished that she, whoever she may be, could introduce herself to me and say that she would stay just for the night.
I am absolutely oblivious as to who she is and whether I have already met her or not. All I know is that this is just another one of those Valentines that I am without her. So I wrote a letter for her that when we both find each other, I may be able to tell her what I was thinking on this particular Valentine's Day.
Dearest,
This is a letter I hope you find. But even more so, I hope I find you so that I may look in the eyes of the person I've waited for my whole life.
It has been a long time indeed. I have waited for you to come and bring solace to my tired and confused heart. To be honest, I thought about giving up on you; I thought of giving up the notion of "someone for me".
But the thought of "happily ever after" was just too wonderful to miss out on.
I want us to live in our own fairy tale complete with the petty fights that each and every couple goes through. But even more so, I want to make up with you and look you straight in the eye and sincerely say that I'm sorry.
I want to be able to wake you up with breakfast in bed and see the sunlight through our room and be able to smile and know that dinner is only a few hours away.
I want to tell you that you look beautiful all the time because I know that is what you need. But I also want to tell you that anything else will not matter because whatever happens, you are beautiful in my eyes. I want to tell you myself that your beauty will never fade because my love never will.
I want to help you and push you towards your goals and aspirations because I know those things are as important to you as anything else. I want you to become who you strive to be because I know that in this life, we only get one chance to become the person we want to be.
I want us to share long walks while eating ice cream and holding each other's hands in the waning sunset. Even better, I want to do this at the beach with waves lapping at our feet. And when the moon comes up, I want us to talk under the stars until we both fall asleep in each other's arms.
I want us to wake up beside each other everyday of our lives until we see how silly each of us looks when our graying hair is all messed up.
I want these with you. And now that I have found you, I know we can now start forever.
Happy Valentine's,
Zeus
I spent Valentine's Day in the office. Lunch break was spent at a gym, burning away my energy as well as getting away from it all. Everything else was like any ordinary day. After three years of spending Valentine's Day with someone, I am back once again to a solitary celebration. Of course in my thoughts, I wished that she, whoever she may be, could introduce herself to me and say that she would stay just for the night.
I am absolutely oblivious as to who she is and whether I have already met her or not. All I know is that this is just another one of those Valentines that I am without her. So I wrote a letter for her that when we both find each other, I may be able to tell her what I was thinking on this particular Valentine's Day.
Dearest,
This is a letter I hope you find. But even more so, I hope I find you so that I may look in the eyes of the person I've waited for my whole life.
It has been a long time indeed. I have waited for you to come and bring solace to my tired and confused heart. To be honest, I thought about giving up on you; I thought of giving up the notion of "someone for me".
But the thought of "happily ever after" was just too wonderful to miss out on.
I want us to live in our own fairy tale complete with the petty fights that each and every couple goes through. But even more so, I want to make up with you and look you straight in the eye and sincerely say that I'm sorry.
I want to be able to wake you up with breakfast in bed and see the sunlight through our room and be able to smile and know that dinner is only a few hours away.
I want to tell you that you look beautiful all the time because I know that is what you need. But I also want to tell you that anything else will not matter because whatever happens, you are beautiful in my eyes. I want to tell you myself that your beauty will never fade because my love never will.
I want to help you and push you towards your goals and aspirations because I know those things are as important to you as anything else. I want you to become who you strive to be because I know that in this life, we only get one chance to become the person we want to be.
I want us to share long walks while eating ice cream and holding each other's hands in the waning sunset. Even better, I want to do this at the beach with waves lapping at our feet. And when the moon comes up, I want us to talk under the stars until we both fall asleep in each other's arms.
I want us to wake up beside each other everyday of our lives until we see how silly each of us looks when our graying hair is all messed up.
I want these with you. And now that I have found you, I know we can now start forever.
Happy Valentine's,
Zeus
Monday, February 07, 2005
Musings of A Broken Heart
Musings of A Broken Heart
In this day, having our age, one would shudder to think what would happen if he or she didn't find a significant other to light that proverbial fire that provides indescribable inspiration one is so devoid of.
In this day, having our age, it would be such a frightening thought to grow old without having a partner you truly love and cherish.
In this day, being as old as I am, I catch myself almost everyday longing for a past love that was over before I even knew it was. You think to yourself that these events happen only in television but once the truth bites, it sinks its cold teeth into your reality and rips the fabric of your once comfortable world.
Nowadays, I find it extremely hard not to think about how and why I failed. I find myself going back to thoughts of a hundred yesterdays when life was good and when I had it easy. Not a day goes by that I don't regret saying a thousand and one hurtful words; not a minute paseses without me feeling the pangs of solitude. I let out a sigh because that is all that I can do. Try as I might, the past is already done and there are no real second chances in the world of men. In my world beset by jealousy, fear, anger, apathy and denial there are no good people.
There is only the passing of time and scarring of the heart. How I wish that both pass me by sooner. It is not something that I won't be able to bear but it is akin to a leech that sucks me dry of all that is good and joyous.
One of these days, I will meet another who will accept me despite the darkness of my soul.
One of these days, I will meet another who does not care about what happened in my past.
I just hope that I muster enough courage to open my tired and broken heart again. Until then, I numb myself from the pain and hope that nothing can ever revive this hurt again.
In this day, having our age, one would shudder to think what would happen if he or she didn't find a significant other to light that proverbial fire that provides indescribable inspiration one is so devoid of.
In this day, having our age, it would be such a frightening thought to grow old without having a partner you truly love and cherish.
In this day, being as old as I am, I catch myself almost everyday longing for a past love that was over before I even knew it was. You think to yourself that these events happen only in television but once the truth bites, it sinks its cold teeth into your reality and rips the fabric of your once comfortable world.
Nowadays, I find it extremely hard not to think about how and why I failed. I find myself going back to thoughts of a hundred yesterdays when life was good and when I had it easy. Not a day goes by that I don't regret saying a thousand and one hurtful words; not a minute paseses without me feeling the pangs of solitude. I let out a sigh because that is all that I can do. Try as I might, the past is already done and there are no real second chances in the world of men. In my world beset by jealousy, fear, anger, apathy and denial there are no good people.
There is only the passing of time and scarring of the heart. How I wish that both pass me by sooner. It is not something that I won't be able to bear but it is akin to a leech that sucks me dry of all that is good and joyous.
One of these days, I will meet another who will accept me despite the darkness of my soul.
One of these days, I will meet another who does not care about what happened in my past.
I just hope that I muster enough courage to open my tired and broken heart again. Until then, I numb myself from the pain and hope that nothing can ever revive this hurt again.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
To The Limit
To The Limit
I just want to share something amusing that happened to me last night. I was able to gather around 11 of my batchmates in UA&P for a game of pick-up basketball. I do have to say that it was really fun seeing familiar faces.
So anyway, I played around two straight games that spanned over one and a half hours.
It just so happened that when I tried to play a third game, my calf gave in on me. I experienced one of the worst cramps ever. I knew because when I asked for people to push my leg in the opposite direction to counter the muscle contraction, I couldn't help but lie instead of just sitting down.
I remember each and every muscle cramp that I've had in my calf. And this was the worst. I could literally see the calf muscle contract by itself. It was amusing to me because in a weird, way I found the involuntary movement of my calf muscles something I've never had before. In addition to that, I knew that I had pushed myself to the limit. This would be one of the very few times that I had done that.
That muscle cramp hurt like hell and now I'm walking with a limp but I wish I could do it again.
I just want to share something amusing that happened to me last night. I was able to gather around 11 of my batchmates in UA&P for a game of pick-up basketball. I do have to say that it was really fun seeing familiar faces.
So anyway, I played around two straight games that spanned over one and a half hours.
It just so happened that when I tried to play a third game, my calf gave in on me. I experienced one of the worst cramps ever. I knew because when I asked for people to push my leg in the opposite direction to counter the muscle contraction, I couldn't help but lie instead of just sitting down.
I remember each and every muscle cramp that I've had in my calf. And this was the worst. I could literally see the calf muscle contract by itself. It was amusing to me because in a weird, way I found the involuntary movement of my calf muscles something I've never had before. In addition to that, I knew that I had pushed myself to the limit. This would be one of the very few times that I had done that.
That muscle cramp hurt like hell and now I'm walking with a limp but I wish I could do it again.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Wading in the Waters of My Mind
Wading in the Waters of My Mind
As I sit down in front of my computer trying to make out my subconscious thoughts, I can't help but notice the blank canvas that is my mind. After all the countless ideas going through my mind on a daily basis, I am left dumbfounded.
It is the most frustrating of feelings, to be helpless. Even though it is normally called a writer's block, I still feel as if my hands are tied behind my back. I still feel that anvil pushing down on my back, bringing me to my knees.
Sometimes, I manage to force a smile out of the hardships that I face. It is the only comfort that I have--my ability to at least see a glimmer of hope behind the darkest of days; to see the silver lining behind the flock of storm clouds.
It is through sheer will and inspiration that I am able to live my day one minute at a time without faltering, without entertaining the invites of a despair of the grandest kind.
And for that I am thankful. So much for writer's block.
As I sit down in front of my computer trying to make out my subconscious thoughts, I can't help but notice the blank canvas that is my mind. After all the countless ideas going through my mind on a daily basis, I am left dumbfounded.
It is the most frustrating of feelings, to be helpless. Even though it is normally called a writer's block, I still feel as if my hands are tied behind my back. I still feel that anvil pushing down on my back, bringing me to my knees.
Sometimes, I manage to force a smile out of the hardships that I face. It is the only comfort that I have--my ability to at least see a glimmer of hope behind the darkest of days; to see the silver lining behind the flock of storm clouds.
It is through sheer will and inspiration that I am able to live my day one minute at a time without faltering, without entertaining the invites of a despair of the grandest kind.
And for that I am thankful. So much for writer's block.
Friday, January 28, 2005
Surreal
Surreal
I have been thinking about this dream for two straight days already. And no matter how much I try to ignore it, it just won't allow me to forget it.
To say that it was weird is an understatement. Anyway, here it goes.
I dreamt that I was in a classroom with my highschool batchmates. We were going to have an exam and as the papers were passed around, I was having a hard time keeping my eyes closed. I was falling asleep as the exam was going to start. Then, at the last page I saw the initials of the first names of all the people in the room, each followed by a blank space where I could write. The object of that section was for me to input the names of all of the people in the room. Since these were my batchmates, I naturally assumed I would get everything correctly. Then something weird happened.
I dozed off. I actually slept in my dream. And I knew that because the next thing that was happening was the teacher was giving us our last 5 minutes to finish our tests. I then hurriedly answered all of the blank spaces. Since I did not have any blanks unanswered, I sincerely thought I did well in that test.
The scene shifted to my teacher giving back the graded test papers and you know what I got?
A measly 2% out of a 100.
Whatever that means, I have no idea. But it's probably telling me I definitely need to improve on something very specific. Anybody who has any clues, I'm dying to hear from you.
I have been thinking about this dream for two straight days already. And no matter how much I try to ignore it, it just won't allow me to forget it.
To say that it was weird is an understatement. Anyway, here it goes.
I dreamt that I was in a classroom with my highschool batchmates. We were going to have an exam and as the papers were passed around, I was having a hard time keeping my eyes closed. I was falling asleep as the exam was going to start. Then, at the last page I saw the initials of the first names of all the people in the room, each followed by a blank space where I could write. The object of that section was for me to input the names of all of the people in the room. Since these were my batchmates, I naturally assumed I would get everything correctly. Then something weird happened.
I dozed off. I actually slept in my dream. And I knew that because the next thing that was happening was the teacher was giving us our last 5 minutes to finish our tests. I then hurriedly answered all of the blank spaces. Since I did not have any blanks unanswered, I sincerely thought I did well in that test.
The scene shifted to my teacher giving back the graded test papers and you know what I got?
A measly 2% out of a 100.
Whatever that means, I have no idea. But it's probably telling me I definitely need to improve on something very specific. Anybody who has any clues, I'm dying to hear from you.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
The Enduring Constant That Is Change
The Enduring Constant That Is Change
On Learning to Do Better
by Portia Nelson
I walk down the street.
There is a hole.
I don't see it.
I fall in.
It isn't my fault.
It takes a very long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is still a deep hole.
I pretend not to see it.
I fall in.
I pretend it's still not my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is still the same deep hole.
I see it.
I fall in anyway.
It's a habit.
I get out quicker this time.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole.
I see it.
I walk around it.
I don't fall in.
I walk down a different street.
I can't help but marvel at the profoundness of the text above. We may not be aware of it right now but we have this one unique hangup, this one idiosyncrasy which we know is delaying us from getting to point A to point B. For some of us, it literally takes some of us years before we realize that change is needed in order for us to stop "falling into that deep hole". For the majority of us, we probably know what we need to change but we're just too afraid of it.
And to be honest, there is so much to be fearful about. The unknown has always been the subject of man's fear since time immemorial. Even though the only constant thing in this world is change itself, we still manage to carve out a routine for ourselves. It's amazing, actually. But unless we decide to walk a different street we will always be the same person.
We can't solve a problem if we remain the same person we are. We have to change our views, change our outlook on life and accept our mistakes for what they really are--things we need to change.
On Learning to Do Better
by Portia Nelson
I walk down the street.
There is a hole.
I don't see it.
I fall in.
It isn't my fault.
It takes a very long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is still a deep hole.
I pretend not to see it.
I fall in.
I pretend it's still not my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is still the same deep hole.
I see it.
I fall in anyway.
It's a habit.
I get out quicker this time.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole.
I see it.
I walk around it.
I don't fall in.
I walk down a different street.
I can't help but marvel at the profoundness of the text above. We may not be aware of it right now but we have this one unique hangup, this one idiosyncrasy which we know is delaying us from getting to point A to point B. For some of us, it literally takes some of us years before we realize that change is needed in order for us to stop "falling into that deep hole". For the majority of us, we probably know what we need to change but we're just too afraid of it.
And to be honest, there is so much to be fearful about. The unknown has always been the subject of man's fear since time immemorial. Even though the only constant thing in this world is change itself, we still manage to carve out a routine for ourselves. It's amazing, actually. But unless we decide to walk a different street we will always be the same person.
We can't solve a problem if we remain the same person we are. We have to change our views, change our outlook on life and accept our mistakes for what they really are--things we need to change.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Clarity
Clarity
I met up with a long lost friend today. His name is Rally and he went to the United States to study and make a life and a name for himself. He said he was gone for 20 months but it seemed longer than that. We were into our catching-up-on-lost-time conversation when he casually asked a question:
"So, anong plano mo ngayon?"
I was tongue-tied.
I honestly didn't know what to say.
After hearing his stories of being in the army and having his own money to pay for the rent of their family's place and him being able to get his own car, I just wasn't able to provide an answer.
I honestly didn't know what to do. I realized that I am nowhere near the idea of settling down because with my current salary and the standing economic drought my country is in, it is absolutely out of the question that I get my own place and buy my own car.
His tale was one of independence and all I could speak of was the tragedy of "financial imprisonment" if you could call it that. Call it a lack of options but I would like to be realistic in seeing it as the unavailability of them.
Amidst the sudden realization that my situation in this country will not get any better one thought entered my mind: I had to put my trust in God. "Ipaubaya nalang natin sa Diyos." as we Filipinos would like to say. And it's true. In some ways I am more blessed than others. And for that, I am already grateful.
I don't need to have my own car because my legs are strong enough for walking. I have my health and I am grateful. As in any argument, the cynical point of view can always be countered with the faith of an optimist.
Some may call it sour-graping but no matter what people say, the proverbial glass will always be half-empty in my eyes.
I met up with a long lost friend today. His name is Rally and he went to the United States to study and make a life and a name for himself. He said he was gone for 20 months but it seemed longer than that. We were into our catching-up-on-lost-time conversation when he casually asked a question:
I was tongue-tied.
I honestly didn't know what to say.
After hearing his stories of being in the army and having his own money to pay for the rent of their family's place and him being able to get his own car, I just wasn't able to provide an answer.
I honestly didn't know what to do. I realized that I am nowhere near the idea of settling down because with my current salary and the standing economic drought my country is in, it is absolutely out of the question that I get my own place and buy my own car.
His tale was one of independence and all I could speak of was the tragedy of "financial imprisonment" if you could call it that. Call it a lack of options but I would like to be realistic in seeing it as the unavailability of them.
Amidst the sudden realization that my situation in this country will not get any better one thought entered my mind: I had to put my trust in God. "Ipaubaya nalang natin sa Diyos." as we Filipinos would like to say. And it's true. In some ways I am more blessed than others. And for that, I am already grateful.
I don't need to have my own car because my legs are strong enough for walking. I have my health and I am grateful. As in any argument, the cynical point of view can always be countered with the faith of an optimist.
Some may call it sour-graping but no matter what people say, the proverbial glass will always be half-empty in my eyes.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Enfeeblement
Enfeeblement
I am soooo tired right now. I just don't know where I'm getting tired at. As in I am really, physically tired. I've been sleeping more than the normal 8 hours of sleep but I still am so physically drained after work. Maybe it's just the annual meeting that's coming up in 3 days but I still am at a loss for words. I really honestly don't know why I am so tired.
I want to go to New Zealand.
I want to be a farmer there and have my own green expanse where I can sheperd my own flock of sheep. And then when I happen upon another sheperd who's looking for his lost flock I can go like Eomer in The Two Towers and say:
"Look for your sheep, but do not trust to hope. It has forsaken these lands.
Tee hee! =)
Damn, am I tired. I'm rarely this incoherent.
But I really want to go to New Zealand.
Middle Earth on Earth
I am soooo tired right now. I just don't know where I'm getting tired at. As in I am really, physically tired. I've been sleeping more than the normal 8 hours of sleep but I still am so physically drained after work. Maybe it's just the annual meeting that's coming up in 3 days but I still am at a loss for words. I really honestly don't know why I am so tired.
I want to go to New Zealand.
I want to be a farmer there and have my own green expanse where I can sheperd my own flock of sheep. And then when I happen upon another sheperd who's looking for his lost flock I can go like Eomer in The Two Towers and say:
Tee hee! =)
Damn, am I tired. I'm rarely this incoherent.
But I really want to go to New Zealand.
Middle Earth on Earth
Saturday, January 01, 2005
The Lessons of 2004
The Lessons of 2004
1. Listening to your body always pays off.
March 15th of last year I fought off the temptation to continue my work as a call center agent because I was experiencing massive migraine attacks almost twice a week. Sooner or later I learned to work through the pain but I knew I wanted out. It's nothing personal. I would have stayed for the wonderful people and great supervisors that I had. Bottom line: my body said "No" and I couldn't disagree.
2. True friends never forget.
I recently got reacquainted with my bestfriend in high school. Carlo was one of those people who never counted favors. He even relished having company (maybe because he's an only child) because 8 years ago, I would sleepover his house and then wake up to play half court basketball games until the sun burned our skin. The more things change, the more they stay the same---only this time, we play under a roof.
3. Boracay is tha shit!
You hear everybody talking about this fabled summer spot and wonder, "What is with Boracay that makes people profess about it so much?" To make the long story short let me torture another cliché by saying "You gotta see it to believe it." A little caveat though, better be in your best and buffest shape 'coz it's not a good feeling being insecure while walking along Station 1.
4. Leaving your comfort zone is such a rush.
I joined a magic club this year and I was in for the surprise of my life. I met one of the nicest celebrities in Rannie Raymundo. Yeah I know he's already passé but he is one hell of a magician. And he's really accomodating too.
5. I am an affected person.
Ha! If anybody wants to know something important about me, it's this. I would have to be one of the most affected people in the planet. I essentially wear my emotions on my sleeve and when I mean that, boy do I mean wear it on my sleeve. I tend to get sentimental over the most trivial of things and I realized that a lot of people aren't as sensitive as I am. As I always said: my sensitivity is my greatest strength as well as my most glaring weakness.
6. Every new day brings another chance for you to become better.
This is very true. Each time I fail in something, I consequently learn NOT TO FAIL. I relish the moments that I take to make myself a better person. As of this moment I've already tallied 104 straight smoke-free days. Next up, getting in shape.
7. Faith and hope are powerful.
I waited for months for someone to offer me a job. I was bordering on depression and self-pity but when I did finally land one, I was overjoyed. I remember waking up after a night of continuous rain and seeing the sunlight peek through the trees in our backyard just for the briefest of moments. And I knew everything was going to be alright. An hour later, I got the call.
8. Connections get you somewhere.
My current supervisor and college batchmate, Maan, was the one who called. =)
9. Singers and celebrities are just ordinary people.
I saw Kitchie Nadal perform live before she went to the office to participate in one of our chat events. She was just one of us. She was pretty but she had a humble smile that said, "I'm just one of you guys." She never really exuded any prideful aura. You just can't help but realize that celebrities are just ordinary people going through the same number of hours in a day as you do, breathing the same air, having the same capacity for pain. I have yet to meet someone larger than life.
10. I know my breaking point.
I've gone through a lot of tests over the course of last year and some of them I believe I've failed. I've given up on some people and I've done so because I knew I couldn't take the neglect and the hurt anymore. I know my breaking point and that means that I did give it my best. The thing that gets me is that I already know what my breaking point is. I just honestly wish I didn't have one.
11. I am still confused about what I want in life.
Time and time again, I get sucked in to discussions of what my passion in life is. Then I try to picture myself becoming that person here in the Philippines and then I squirm at the idea that I have to live a life that is not going to be "practical" in Filipino terms. I could become an artist or a poet or a psychologist but it will not bear any solid ground in our economy in its current state. So now, I will be just an "account manager". I guess I just have to become everything at once. But I won't be surprised if I change my mind in a year's time.
12. When you move away from something, you consequently move towards something else.
Being single has taught me the value of seeing what you've left behind. There are so many people that I've forgotten about. Don't get me wrong--being in a relationship was awesome but at the same time, I couldn't get in touch with who I really was because of the countless fights and recurring issues. It required a lot of hard work to keep my last relationship alive but it was worth it. I just know now that this is sort of a tug of war. The farther you are from someone, the closer you become to the ones you've lost touch with.
13. Discretion is my newfound weakness.
Sometimes I just say whatever's on my mind. This is especially true for me when I talk about the "L" word. I sometimes get so confounded by it that I just lose my senses. I believe it's the artist in me crying out for the inspiration that has just befelled me. I guess I just have to keep it to myself and be a little more logical when being overrun by my passions and emotions.
14. I oftentimes leap before I look.
I've hurt a lot of people very much because of my tactlessness. I believe this is something that I need to change when I enter into another relationship again in the next decade or so. =)
15. I can get better at something if I work hard at it.
I saw myself improve as a basketball player and a magician over the course of the year. I just know that I can do anything as long as I just put in the work. Six-pack abs, here I come!
16. We are all better at something than some people are.
We can't help but compare ourselves to the next guy who makes the girls swoon over her or maybe for the women, the more "voluptuous" ones get annoyed when a model-like figure passes by. The point is, we shouldn't compare ourselves because someone, somewhere out there is working harder than us, more good-looking than us, more eloquent than us, or maybe more well-off than us. We all have our own talents and gifts. I hope we all learn to cherish what is already ours and want what we already have.
17. Sleep is a luxury.
This cannot be overemphasized. I just wish I was a kid again who had the schedule of two morning classes followed by 20 minutes of recess then two classes again before lunch. Nowadays it's so hard to keep the energy level up, we have to resort to Extra Joss and coffee to keep us awake.
18. I am still a kid at heart.
10 years ago, I started to play a hobby and I still play it up to now. I will soon be joining my first tournament this year for Magic: The Gathering. I know It's a card game...so sue me.
19. Your God-given talent should not be forgotten.
I once drew and sketched as well as wrote poetry of the grandest kinds. This year, I hope to rekindle the talent that God has given me.
20. Investing in your health is a good thing.
I will be working out starting this coming February. I just hope I am able to push myself harder each day. I just hope that I am able to finally quit smoking. That would be something to look forward to. 104 days and counting!
21. It is never too late.
I just hate the excuse that it's too late to change. I know that some people just use this to escape a lot of things and I might be using this particular excuse to run away from some of my problems but I just know that it is never too late. It's something I believe in because like Neo in The Matrix, I don't like the idea that I don't have any control over myself and my destiny.
22. Love cannot be coerced.
You cannot buy love or coerce it into submission. It is something that is freely given as well as freely taken. It will never ever be caged like a bird or it will die. Love is something for the free-spirited, the joyous and the open-minded.
23. We are always more fortunate than the next person in some way.
When we complain of not having enough variety in our meals, someone, somewhere will be grateful when he has what we have. We will always have less than the person who lives in posh condominiums or the most lavish of houses but in the same light, we already have everything we could ever ask for in the eyes of another.
24. I still have a long way to go.
It's been 24 years and this coming July, I will be a quarter-century old. I am up for the challenge. I believe I've already started my quarter-life crisis so I know that it will be a rough road ahead. But with God to guide me through the days, I know that I will be fine. He has provided for me for 25 straight years. I know he can do it far longer than that.
HAPPY 2005 TO YOU ALL!
1. Listening to your body always pays off.
March 15th of last year I fought off the temptation to continue my work as a call center agent because I was experiencing massive migraine attacks almost twice a week. Sooner or later I learned to work through the pain but I knew I wanted out. It's nothing personal. I would have stayed for the wonderful people and great supervisors that I had. Bottom line: my body said "No" and I couldn't disagree.
2. True friends never forget.
I recently got reacquainted with my bestfriend in high school. Carlo was one of those people who never counted favors. He even relished having company (maybe because he's an only child) because 8 years ago, I would sleepover his house and then wake up to play half court basketball games until the sun burned our skin. The more things change, the more they stay the same---only this time, we play under a roof.
3. Boracay is tha shit!
You hear everybody talking about this fabled summer spot and wonder, "What is with Boracay that makes people profess about it so much?" To make the long story short let me torture another cliché by saying "You gotta see it to believe it." A little caveat though, better be in your best and buffest shape 'coz it's not a good feeling being insecure while walking along Station 1.
4. Leaving your comfort zone is such a rush.
I joined a magic club this year and I was in for the surprise of my life. I met one of the nicest celebrities in Rannie Raymundo. Yeah I know he's already passé but he is one hell of a magician. And he's really accomodating too.
5. I am an affected person.
Ha! If anybody wants to know something important about me, it's this. I would have to be one of the most affected people in the planet. I essentially wear my emotions on my sleeve and when I mean that, boy do I mean wear it on my sleeve. I tend to get sentimental over the most trivial of things and I realized that a lot of people aren't as sensitive as I am. As I always said: my sensitivity is my greatest strength as well as my most glaring weakness.
6. Every new day brings another chance for you to become better.
This is very true. Each time I fail in something, I consequently learn NOT TO FAIL. I relish the moments that I take to make myself a better person. As of this moment I've already tallied 104 straight smoke-free days. Next up, getting in shape.
7. Faith and hope are powerful.
I waited for months for someone to offer me a job. I was bordering on depression and self-pity but when I did finally land one, I was overjoyed. I remember waking up after a night of continuous rain and seeing the sunlight peek through the trees in our backyard just for the briefest of moments. And I knew everything was going to be alright. An hour later, I got the call.
8. Connections get you somewhere.
My current supervisor and college batchmate, Maan, was the one who called. =)
9. Singers and celebrities are just ordinary people.
I saw Kitchie Nadal perform live before she went to the office to participate in one of our chat events. She was just one of us. She was pretty but she had a humble smile that said, "I'm just one of you guys." She never really exuded any prideful aura. You just can't help but realize that celebrities are just ordinary people going through the same number of hours in a day as you do, breathing the same air, having the same capacity for pain. I have yet to meet someone larger than life.
10. I know my breaking point.
I've gone through a lot of tests over the course of last year and some of them I believe I've failed. I've given up on some people and I've done so because I knew I couldn't take the neglect and the hurt anymore. I know my breaking point and that means that I did give it my best. The thing that gets me is that I already know what my breaking point is. I just honestly wish I didn't have one.
11. I am still confused about what I want in life.
Time and time again, I get sucked in to discussions of what my passion in life is. Then I try to picture myself becoming that person here in the Philippines and then I squirm at the idea that I have to live a life that is not going to be "practical" in Filipino terms. I could become an artist or a poet or a psychologist but it will not bear any solid ground in our economy in its current state. So now, I will be just an "account manager". I guess I just have to become everything at once. But I won't be surprised if I change my mind in a year's time.
12. When you move away from something, you consequently move towards something else.
Being single has taught me the value of seeing what you've left behind. There are so many people that I've forgotten about. Don't get me wrong--being in a relationship was awesome but at the same time, I couldn't get in touch with who I really was because of the countless fights and recurring issues. It required a lot of hard work to keep my last relationship alive but it was worth it. I just know now that this is sort of a tug of war. The farther you are from someone, the closer you become to the ones you've lost touch with.
13. Discretion is my newfound weakness.
Sometimes I just say whatever's on my mind. This is especially true for me when I talk about the "L" word. I sometimes get so confounded by it that I just lose my senses. I believe it's the artist in me crying out for the inspiration that has just befelled me. I guess I just have to keep it to myself and be a little more logical when being overrun by my passions and emotions.
14. I oftentimes leap before I look.
I've hurt a lot of people very much because of my tactlessness. I believe this is something that I need to change when I enter into another relationship again in the next decade or so. =)
15. I can get better at something if I work hard at it.
I saw myself improve as a basketball player and a magician over the course of the year. I just know that I can do anything as long as I just put in the work. Six-pack abs, here I come!
16. We are all better at something than some people are.
We can't help but compare ourselves to the next guy who makes the girls swoon over her or maybe for the women, the more "voluptuous" ones get annoyed when a model-like figure passes by. The point is, we shouldn't compare ourselves because someone, somewhere out there is working harder than us, more good-looking than us, more eloquent than us, or maybe more well-off than us. We all have our own talents and gifts. I hope we all learn to cherish what is already ours and want what we already have.
17. Sleep is a luxury.
This cannot be overemphasized. I just wish I was a kid again who had the schedule of two morning classes followed by 20 minutes of recess then two classes again before lunch. Nowadays it's so hard to keep the energy level up, we have to resort to Extra Joss and coffee to keep us awake.
18. I am still a kid at heart.
10 years ago, I started to play a hobby and I still play it up to now. I will soon be joining my first tournament this year for Magic: The Gathering. I know It's a card game...so sue me.
19. Your God-given talent should not be forgotten.
I once drew and sketched as well as wrote poetry of the grandest kinds. This year, I hope to rekindle the talent that God has given me.
20. Investing in your health is a good thing.
I will be working out starting this coming February. I just hope I am able to push myself harder each day. I just hope that I am able to finally quit smoking. That would be something to look forward to. 104 days and counting!
21. It is never too late.
I just hate the excuse that it's too late to change. I know that some people just use this to escape a lot of things and I might be using this particular excuse to run away from some of my problems but I just know that it is never too late. It's something I believe in because like Neo in The Matrix, I don't like the idea that I don't have any control over myself and my destiny.
22. Love cannot be coerced.
You cannot buy love or coerce it into submission. It is something that is freely given as well as freely taken. It will never ever be caged like a bird or it will die. Love is something for the free-spirited, the joyous and the open-minded.
23. We are always more fortunate than the next person in some way.
When we complain of not having enough variety in our meals, someone, somewhere will be grateful when he has what we have. We will always have less than the person who lives in posh condominiums or the most lavish of houses but in the same light, we already have everything we could ever ask for in the eyes of another.
24. I still have a long way to go.
It's been 24 years and this coming July, I will be a quarter-century old. I am up for the challenge. I believe I've already started my quarter-life crisis so I know that it will be a rough road ahead. But with God to guide me through the days, I know that I will be fine. He has provided for me for 25 straight years. I know he can do it far longer than that.
HAPPY 2005 TO YOU ALL!
Saturday, December 25, 2004
'Tis That Time of the Year
'Tis That Time of the Year
Ah what the heck, 'tis the season to be merry anyways!
Merry Christmas to you and your family! =)
Ah what the heck, 'tis the season to be merry anyways!
Merry Christmas to you and your family! =)
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Two More Days
Two More Days
The countdown is almost up.
It's already two days before Christmas. Maan and I talked about how we never felt Christmas slowly creep up to us this time of the year. I'm wondering if it really has lost its splendor. When I was a kid, I used to love Christmas because it afforded me the opportunity to receive a lot of gifts from my family and all of my relatives.
Now, everyone suddenly stopped giving gifts and now we're the ones who are pressured to buy gifts to people we barely even know--our boss, our co-workers and each and every stranger who will consider it faux pas when you do not accomodate them during this season of gift-giving.
How I wish someone would accomodate me this time of the year and take the time to hear me out but I'd have a much bigger chance at winning the lottery. Everybody is attending to their own concerns. I wish the season was over.
The countdown is almost up.
It's already two days before Christmas. Maan and I talked about how we never felt Christmas slowly creep up to us this time of the year. I'm wondering if it really has lost its splendor. When I was a kid, I used to love Christmas because it afforded me the opportunity to receive a lot of gifts from my family and all of my relatives.
Now, everyone suddenly stopped giving gifts and now we're the ones who are pressured to buy gifts to people we barely even know--our boss, our co-workers and each and every stranger who will consider it faux pas when you do not accomodate them during this season of gift-giving.
How I wish someone would accomodate me this time of the year and take the time to hear me out but I'd have a much bigger chance at winning the lottery. Everybody is attending to their own concerns. I wish the season was over.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Wishful Thinking
Wishful Thinking
It's a Monday yet I don't feel that it's the start of the week. I can't stop thinking about the coming days. It's like I've been dreading Christmas day to come. This year has not been good to me. Everything seems like a blur to me. All of the supposedly special holidays this year turned out to be real bad. I guess that's why I'm just preparing for the inevitable right now. So I'm counting two more miserable holidays before the year ends: this Saturday and New Year's.
I am especially sure that I won't feel the same old magic whenever I wake up on Christmas day. Times are hard right now as it already is. I just don't think the people close to me will get caught up in the routine of giving gifts. Come to think of it, I only know one guy who would even care to think about giving me something.
After all of the heartbreak and confusion that I've encountered this year, I just want to forget about it. I want to leave the memory of this year buried under the hopeful promise that 2005 will be better.
I never realized I feared Christmas this bad. The nostalgia, the pressures, the lonely feeling you have when you have no one to turn to...it just takes the wind out of you. I hope no one else feels what I am feeling on Christmas Day.
May all of you have the happiest of holidays.
It's a Monday yet I don't feel that it's the start of the week. I can't stop thinking about the coming days. It's like I've been dreading Christmas day to come. This year has not been good to me. Everything seems like a blur to me. All of the supposedly special holidays this year turned out to be real bad. I guess that's why I'm just preparing for the inevitable right now. So I'm counting two more miserable holidays before the year ends: this Saturday and New Year's.
I am especially sure that I won't feel the same old magic whenever I wake up on Christmas day. Times are hard right now as it already is. I just don't think the people close to me will get caught up in the routine of giving gifts. Come to think of it, I only know one guy who would even care to think about giving me something.
After all of the heartbreak and confusion that I've encountered this year, I just want to forget about it. I want to leave the memory of this year buried under the hopeful promise that 2005 will be better.
I never realized I feared Christmas this bad. The nostalgia, the pressures, the lonely feeling you have when you have no one to turn to...it just takes the wind out of you. I hope no one else feels what I am feeling on Christmas Day.
May all of you have the happiest of holidays.
Friday, December 17, 2004
A Necessary Evil
A Necessary Evil
Work is a necessary evil.
Yes, you heard me right: it is a necessary evil.
I believe it is so because we cannot seem to depart from it unless we are a king or a prince. But technically, the kings and queens of today still have to work on something else such as attending banquets and whatnot. So that takes care of the necessity of work. What about the evil that it brings? Ah, that is when the principle of relativity comes into play.
For some people, it will dawn upon them that work is something that they have waited for a long time. It represents independence, both financial and emotional. These are the types of people who have the excuse to stay late at night away from home because they have something to finish within the corporate walls of their workplace.
In contrast, there are some people who view work as something that takes away a lot of things from them. It takes away the closeness between two people because they will both have to spend time away from each other and in so doing, they will no doubt meet different personalities. In my experience, work introduces the idea of infidelity. I have worked two jobs and I have always come up with stories of people being unfaithful to their significant others or their spouses.
Work indirectly destroys relationships. It opens up man to the biggest of temptations and it does so without the slightest knowledge of the people involved. If you try to pry deeper, you'll find a hint of dysfunctionality among your co-workers that wasn't there before they started working. It's a sick feeling, I know but it's the most lucid of truths.
It happens and you know it. That's what's so great about movies. They're inaccurate and accurate at the same time.
How many times have we heard about the man of the house leaving his family just to earn a living in another country only to find his wife having another affair when he returns? The reverse is not foreign to us. Man comes home and brings home a mistress with him. Wife cries. Couple divorces.
It's all too simple yet so blindingly accurate.
And all of this happened because of the sincere and loving desire of the man to provide for his spouse and family. All because of work.
Bullshit.
Call me bitter but maybe the reason I loathe work is because it changed me so much. It turned my life upside down because after it was introduced into my life, it never had any good effect on me. Everything was just the same day in and day out. The same old routine whiling away my time. But even if I look at work like this I am also in its debt because it has taken away my fears and concerns. As I mentioned before, it is a prison and haven of sorts. It simultaneously chains you to a specific set of tasks each and every day and it also gives you legitimate reason not to think of your problems away from it. Like we always hear: "Never bring your family problems to work and leave your work at the office." Sometimes I just feel I have so much to do. It seems that I can't seem to catch my breath. I just need a long break.
Well there you ahve it. Relativity explained. One person might adore working so much that it almost becomes his or her life and another person loathing it because it has taken so much from him.
I almost can't breathe from the frustration that I feel. And if you should know, I am the latter of the two if you haven't noticed yet. I just hope I find the redeeming factor in all that has happened--something that will tell me, "It's alright, you got me in return." It may be a person or something else. Whatever it is, I will wait.
Work is a necessary evil.
Yes, you heard me right: it is a necessary evil.
I believe it is so because we cannot seem to depart from it unless we are a king or a prince. But technically, the kings and queens of today still have to work on something else such as attending banquets and whatnot. So that takes care of the necessity of work. What about the evil that it brings? Ah, that is when the principle of relativity comes into play.
For some people, it will dawn upon them that work is something that they have waited for a long time. It represents independence, both financial and emotional. These are the types of people who have the excuse to stay late at night away from home because they have something to finish within the corporate walls of their workplace.
In contrast, there are some people who view work as something that takes away a lot of things from them. It takes away the closeness between two people because they will both have to spend time away from each other and in so doing, they will no doubt meet different personalities. In my experience, work introduces the idea of infidelity. I have worked two jobs and I have always come up with stories of people being unfaithful to their significant others or their spouses.
Work indirectly destroys relationships. It opens up man to the biggest of temptations and it does so without the slightest knowledge of the people involved. If you try to pry deeper, you'll find a hint of dysfunctionality among your co-workers that wasn't there before they started working. It's a sick feeling, I know but it's the most lucid of truths.
It happens and you know it. That's what's so great about movies. They're inaccurate and accurate at the same time.
How many times have we heard about the man of the house leaving his family just to earn a living in another country only to find his wife having another affair when he returns? The reverse is not foreign to us. Man comes home and brings home a mistress with him. Wife cries. Couple divorces.
It's all too simple yet so blindingly accurate.
And all of this happened because of the sincere and loving desire of the man to provide for his spouse and family. All because of work.
Bullshit.
Call me bitter but maybe the reason I loathe work is because it changed me so much. It turned my life upside down because after it was introduced into my life, it never had any good effect on me. Everything was just the same day in and day out. The same old routine whiling away my time. But even if I look at work like this I am also in its debt because it has taken away my fears and concerns. As I mentioned before, it is a prison and haven of sorts. It simultaneously chains you to a specific set of tasks each and every day and it also gives you legitimate reason not to think of your problems away from it. Like we always hear: "Never bring your family problems to work and leave your work at the office." Sometimes I just feel I have so much to do. It seems that I can't seem to catch my breath. I just need a long break.
Well there you ahve it. Relativity explained. One person might adore working so much that it almost becomes his or her life and another person loathing it because it has taken so much from him.
I almost can't breathe from the frustration that I feel. And if you should know, I am the latter of the two if you haven't noticed yet. I just hope I find the redeeming factor in all that has happened--something that will tell me, "It's alright, you got me in return." It may be a person or something else. Whatever it is, I will wait.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
20/20 Hindsight
20/20 Hindsight
It just dawned on me earlier in the day: it's already been 5 months since I started working in YEHEY! I didn't realize time could pass by so fast. When you think about it in terms of working hours, that's a lotta time.
I can't say I really love the job. But one thing I'm certain of is I absolutely love the company. "Samahan nalang yung hindi nagpapaalis sa mga tao." We have people who have stayed in the company for over five years and they really treasure the companionship and the culture of the company. I talked to one of our MIS people and he said that one time, our director talked to them and said "Konting tiis nalang. Pag umunlad din ang YEHEY! sabay-sabay din kayong tataas ang mga sweldo." Sometimes, I can't help but think if they're just empty promises. I'm not bitter about how low my salary is because to begin with, my primary need has already been met--that is to work at a day job. After the turbulent 6 months that I spent in a call center, I can honestly say that the job was a big mistake. I lost a lot of things and opportunities back then as well as someone very dear. It would have probably been a lot different if my job didn't demand so much sacrifice. But we all learn the hard way that sometimes, the sacrifices that are demanded of us aren't optional. They become mandatory sacrifices--must dos instead of could dos.
Anyway, January 5th will be my sixth month in YEHEY! It will be the day when I will know for sure if I will become a regular employee. For now, I really don't want to expect. Maybe because part of me is wanting to look for something I really love doing. But what do I know? All I can do is write. Probably "listen" to people but nobody gets paid to do that. Wouldn't it be weird for you to get a job as someone who just listens and actively becomes interested in someone else's life? I'd probably be quite good at that.
I'm just writing whatever comes to my head right now. I'm just so lost right now although I am trying my best to find my way in the dark. It's just really sad to go through this road again alone. I once had a hand to hold when I was squinting my way through the fog and haziness but now, everything I do must be on my own. I think it's better this way. The only difference is now, I walk a little bit slower, tread a little more careful and as a consequence, listen more intently.
Hindsight is always 20/20. How true.
It just dawned on me earlier in the day: it's already been 5 months since I started working in YEHEY! I didn't realize time could pass by so fast. When you think about it in terms of working hours, that's a lotta time.
I can't say I really love the job. But one thing I'm certain of is I absolutely love the company. "Samahan nalang yung hindi nagpapaalis sa mga tao." We have people who have stayed in the company for over five years and they really treasure the companionship and the culture of the company. I talked to one of our MIS people and he said that one time, our director talked to them and said "Konting tiis nalang. Pag umunlad din ang YEHEY! sabay-sabay din kayong tataas ang mga sweldo." Sometimes, I can't help but think if they're just empty promises. I'm not bitter about how low my salary is because to begin with, my primary need has already been met--that is to work at a day job. After the turbulent 6 months that I spent in a call center, I can honestly say that the job was a big mistake. I lost a lot of things and opportunities back then as well as someone very dear. It would have probably been a lot different if my job didn't demand so much sacrifice. But we all learn the hard way that sometimes, the sacrifices that are demanded of us aren't optional. They become mandatory sacrifices--must dos instead of could dos.
Anyway, January 5th will be my sixth month in YEHEY! It will be the day when I will know for sure if I will become a regular employee. For now, I really don't want to expect. Maybe because part of me is wanting to look for something I really love doing. But what do I know? All I can do is write. Probably "listen" to people but nobody gets paid to do that. Wouldn't it be weird for you to get a job as someone who just listens and actively becomes interested in someone else's life? I'd probably be quite good at that.
I'm just writing whatever comes to my head right now. I'm just so lost right now although I am trying my best to find my way in the dark. It's just really sad to go through this road again alone. I once had a hand to hold when I was squinting my way through the fog and haziness but now, everything I do must be on my own. I think it's better this way. The only difference is now, I walk a little bit slower, tread a little more careful and as a consequence, listen more intently.
Hindsight is always 20/20. How true.
Friday, December 03, 2004
The Bittersweet Moment of Goodbye
The Bittersweet Moment of Goodbye
I am now officially quitting my long-time hobby of Magic: The Gathering. I say this because I have begun selling one of my prized collections---my dual lands.
For those people who cannot relate, picture yourself quitting the one thing you always want to do, picture yourself not blogging anymore or maybe you could think about how it's like not to play basketball again, not because you don't have time but because your decision was borne out of necessity. Imagine having your all-time favorite TV show finally reach its last episode. Picture yourself giving up that ONE THING you never want to give up in your life not because you can't have any more time to spare for that activity but because you absolutely need to give it up for something else.
Yes, I know. It isn't as easy as it sounds. But can you try and feel that sinking feeling that churns the insides of your stomach?
Since this will be one of the bigger milestones in my life which I will definitely remember, and since this is about something that has been very close to my heart, I would like to just give you guys a background on how I came to turn cardboards sideways.
I came to know about Magic: The Gathering way back in junior year highschool. The only things that I knew back then were sketching, writing poems and playing basketball. There were times when I'd watch a group of my batchmates huddle around a table where two players would silently sit with cards of different art, neatly placed in front of them while uttering one-liners each and every while.
Player A:"Forest. Go"
Player B:"Swamp. Dark Ritual, Dark Ritual, Sengir Vampire
Player A:"Concede.
I know, it sounds Greek to you but doesn't every hobby have its own string of jargons? You'd be surprised to find that each and every pastime has its own terminologies that would seem foreign to another person. Any other serious badminton player would know why it is good to balk before a service or how to explain why carrying a shuttle is an illegal tactic.
For the dialogue above, it's as cryptic as anything else in the world but for people who share the same passion as I do, we share a "dialect" that will only be understood by people who play the game.
So if you're having a difficult time understanding something, know that other people will share your sentiment when it comes to the things you love and give importance to.
I am quitting for several reasons. First, is I need the money. This will probably be one of my hard lessons in opportunity costs. Secondly, I don't have the motivation to go on any longer. There were times when I would want to play with people but I never got to join any sanctioned tournaments (yes, there ARE tournaments for these types of games) nor did I join any hardcore team who only knew Magic and nothing else. Lastly is because I'm starting to think that maybe it is a nonsensical hobby after all. I'll probably be torn between the first two reasons and my last one.
I will probably get the answers soon. Until then, Auf Wiedersehen, my precious duals. It took me almost a decade to find them. If that's what it takes to get them again, then I can probably wait that long. I will dearly miss them.
I wish I never had to part with them. =(
I am now officially quitting my long-time hobby of Magic: The Gathering. I say this because I have begun selling one of my prized collections---my dual lands.
For those people who cannot relate, picture yourself quitting the one thing you always want to do, picture yourself not blogging anymore or maybe you could think about how it's like not to play basketball again, not because you don't have time but because your decision was borne out of necessity. Imagine having your all-time favorite TV show finally reach its last episode. Picture yourself giving up that ONE THING you never want to give up in your life not because you can't have any more time to spare for that activity but because you absolutely need to give it up for something else.
Yes, I know. It isn't as easy as it sounds. But can you try and feel that sinking feeling that churns the insides of your stomach?
Since this will be one of the bigger milestones in my life which I will definitely remember, and since this is about something that has been very close to my heart, I would like to just give you guys a background on how I came to turn cardboards sideways.
I came to know about Magic: The Gathering way back in junior year highschool. The only things that I knew back then were sketching, writing poems and playing basketball. There were times when I'd watch a group of my batchmates huddle around a table where two players would silently sit with cards of different art, neatly placed in front of them while uttering one-liners each and every while.
Player A:"Forest. Go"
Player B:"Swamp. Dark Ritual, Dark Ritual, Sengir Vampire
Player A:"Concede.
I know, it sounds Greek to you but doesn't every hobby have its own string of jargons? You'd be surprised to find that each and every pastime has its own terminologies that would seem foreign to another person. Any other serious badminton player would know why it is good to balk before a service or how to explain why carrying a shuttle is an illegal tactic.
For the dialogue above, it's as cryptic as anything else in the world but for people who share the same passion as I do, we share a "dialect" that will only be understood by people who play the game.
So if you're having a difficult time understanding something, know that other people will share your sentiment when it comes to the things you love and give importance to.
I am quitting for several reasons. First, is I need the money. This will probably be one of my hard lessons in opportunity costs. Secondly, I don't have the motivation to go on any longer. There were times when I would want to play with people but I never got to join any sanctioned tournaments (yes, there ARE tournaments for these types of games) nor did I join any hardcore team who only knew Magic and nothing else. Lastly is because I'm starting to think that maybe it is a nonsensical hobby after all. I'll probably be torn between the first two reasons and my last one.
I will probably get the answers soon. Until then, Auf Wiedersehen, my precious duals. It took me almost a decade to find them. If that's what it takes to get them again, then I can probably wait that long. I will dearly miss them.
I wish I never had to part with them. =(
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Super Me!
Super Me!
I just wanted to share a memory.
Either it was real cold outside or I wanted to be dressed up like a ninja/superhero. Hehe...kids!
I just wanted to share a memory.
Either it was real cold outside or I wanted to be dressed up like a ninja/superhero. Hehe...kids!
Saturday, November 27, 2004
# 4
# 4
Took one of the numerous online tests that I just happened upon and voila! Would you believe that I got my all-time favorite number in the process?
I just realize that it's true--people can read me like a book. But continuing with the same line of thinking, not everyone understands each and every book he or she picks up. Same goes for me.
Man, I love epiphanies.
Took one of the numerous online tests that I just happened upon and voila! Would you believe that I got my all-time favorite number in the process?
|
You Are the Individualist |
|
4 You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel. |
I just realize that it's true--people can read me like a book. But continuing with the same line of thinking, not everyone understands each and every book he or she picks up. Same goes for me.
Man, I love epiphanies.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Coming Home
Coming Home
I just came from a wake last night. A dear friend lost his mom to cancer last Tuesday, November 23. What made this different from the other tragedies that I hear is that it was more real to me because I knew her. Tita Joey was one of the readily identifiable people in my church not only because I was good friends with her son but because she exuded a certain aura that made everybody around her feel better.
Once again, I am brought back to my senses. I realize that we are not going to be strong forever; that we will not be able to run 30 minutes straight on a treadmill without even fazing; that we will not be healthy throughout the entirety of our lifetimes. The point has been driven home hard--we will leave this earth. It makes me remember a saying that I read somewhere:
"Death is certain, living isn't."
We've all heard about death being the great equalizer and yet we still scoff at the idea when we drink a bit too much that our body already rejects the alocohol in our system or when we smoke a cigarette or when we take a hit of whatever designer drug that our peers take. It's all about "feeling good" at this particular moment, nothing else. And because of that selfishness, we suffer for it not a week later but several decades after---when everything else is in place; when we have a family who already loves us with all of their heart and soul.
And you know what the ironic thing about last night was? You probably won't believe it...
Tita Joey didn't smoke nor drink. And you know what else? She was the first of her generation to have cancer. Everyone else before her in her family tree didn't have it. It's a bit saddening because when you think about it, that's not fair. To have someone taken away from you after all of her good works she's done for God and for His people is not fair to me. Then again, if that time comes, we will never know why God called us home at this particular point in our lives. Until we ask Him Himself.
I have mixed emotions about everything that transpired. In some ways, I feel regret because I wasn't able to say goodbye to her because she was really of the nicest moms that I've encountered in my lifetime. And I also am happy and envious at the same time because I know that she is already with our Maker.
I told my own mom about it in Yahoo Messenger and she said that soon, we will all be walking the same path:
(9:18:14 AM): streets made of clear gold and huge pearl gates ... plus you get to see Jesus and God and the angels and Moses and Daniel and David... sulit na rin...
Sulit na sulit nga.
In Loving Memory of Tita Joey Vila
I just came from a wake last night. A dear friend lost his mom to cancer last Tuesday, November 23. What made this different from the other tragedies that I hear is that it was more real to me because I knew her. Tita Joey was one of the readily identifiable people in my church not only because I was good friends with her son but because she exuded a certain aura that made everybody around her feel better.
Once again, I am brought back to my senses. I realize that we are not going to be strong forever; that we will not be able to run 30 minutes straight on a treadmill without even fazing; that we will not be healthy throughout the entirety of our lifetimes. The point has been driven home hard--we will leave this earth. It makes me remember a saying that I read somewhere:
"Death is certain, living isn't."
We've all heard about death being the great equalizer and yet we still scoff at the idea when we drink a bit too much that our body already rejects the alocohol in our system or when we smoke a cigarette or when we take a hit of whatever designer drug that our peers take. It's all about "feeling good" at this particular moment, nothing else. And because of that selfishness, we suffer for it not a week later but several decades after---when everything else is in place; when we have a family who already loves us with all of their heart and soul.
And you know what the ironic thing about last night was? You probably won't believe it...
Tita Joey didn't smoke nor drink. And you know what else? She was the first of her generation to have cancer. Everyone else before her in her family tree didn't have it. It's a bit saddening because when you think about it, that's not fair. To have someone taken away from you after all of her good works she's done for God and for His people is not fair to me. Then again, if that time comes, we will never know why God called us home at this particular point in our lives. Until we ask Him Himself.
I have mixed emotions about everything that transpired. In some ways, I feel regret because I wasn't able to say goodbye to her because she was really of the nicest moms that I've encountered in my lifetime. And I also am happy and envious at the same time because I know that she is already with our Maker.
I told my own mom about it in Yahoo Messenger and she said that soon, we will all be walking the same path:
(9:18:14 AM): streets made of clear gold and huge pearl gates ... plus you get to see Jesus and God and the angels and Moses and Daniel and David... sulit na rin...
Sulit na sulit nga.
In Loving Memory of Tita Joey Vila
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Tongue-Tied
Tongue-Tied
"I know this."
I just heard this familiar tune when I was browsing the web. Can anybody tell me the title of this tune?
All I know is that it's something that you can put in an Alice in Wonderland movie. A bit scary, but it's all-too familiar for it to be.
"I know this."
I just heard this familiar tune when I was browsing the web. Can anybody tell me the title of this tune?
All I know is that it's something that you can put in an Alice in Wonderland movie. A bit scary, but it's all-too familiar for it to be.
Sunday, November 07, 2004
Basketball Fever
Basketball Fever
Woke up at 5:00 in the morning to heat my bathwater. And as I was waiting I thought to myself: "I can't believe I'm waking up this early just to play basketball." And to think I even played the night before. I met up with Carlo, one of my really, really good friends in high school. We had an affinity for basketball so we kind of hit it off right from the moment I met him in 3rd year high. I just met up with him at Shell along McKinley Road and we laced up to play in Dasmariñas village.
I can't believe I played five full court games in a span of 3.5 hours. Mind you, the people I played with weren't pushovers. I played with a former member of Toyota and Crispa as well as the older brother of PBA superstar, Ronnie Magsanoc. Everybody in that gym either had game or took yours. It was really fun playing and just sweating like a pig. :)
I also couldn't believe how Carlo got better. One game he tore up the other team with 14 unanswered points and finished with 21. And this was the same guy I was schooling in high school. I guess, there's really no substitute for passion as an ultimate equalizer. As long as you love something and you keep on doing it over and over again, eventually, you'll end up on a higher level than the rest of the people who didn't push themselves quite as much.
I really love that idea. Gives me hope. Maybe the next time I board a three in the gym, people won't have to raise their eyebrows.
Woke up at 5:00 in the morning to heat my bathwater. And as I was waiting I thought to myself: "I can't believe I'm waking up this early just to play basketball." And to think I even played the night before. I met up with Carlo, one of my really, really good friends in high school. We had an affinity for basketball so we kind of hit it off right from the moment I met him in 3rd year high. I just met up with him at Shell along McKinley Road and we laced up to play in Dasmariñas village.
I can't believe I played five full court games in a span of 3.5 hours. Mind you, the people I played with weren't pushovers. I played with a former member of Toyota and Crispa as well as the older brother of PBA superstar, Ronnie Magsanoc. Everybody in that gym either had game or took yours. It was really fun playing and just sweating like a pig. :)
I also couldn't believe how Carlo got better. One game he tore up the other team with 14 unanswered points and finished with 21. And this was the same guy I was schooling in high school. I guess, there's really no substitute for passion as an ultimate equalizer. As long as you love something and you keep on doing it over and over again, eventually, you'll end up on a higher level than the rest of the people who didn't push themselves quite as much.
I really love that idea. Gives me hope. Maybe the next time I board a three in the gym, people won't have to raise their eyebrows.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Taking The Road Less Travelled
Taking The Road Less Travelled
There comes a time in a person's life when he has to move on. For me that moment cannot be any more timely than now. I am now at a point in my life wherein I choose to no longer be shackled by the limitations that have beset me during the past few years. I am tired and weary and I feel that I cannot go on any longer with what I have been. I am ready for learning yet another lesson that life has to offer--although I am still uncertain of what it is. Even if it a road less travelled, I am still willing to tread on it.
I am happy now because I am taking that next step: that eventful stage of stepping outside of my comfort zone. There is no one else I consider depending on except myself, my family and my extended family (short for friends). Whatever fastball that life will throw at me, I am more than willing to catch it--all 101.9 mph of it.
There comes a time in a person's life when he has to move on. For me that moment cannot be any more timely than now. I am now at a point in my life wherein I choose to no longer be shackled by the limitations that have beset me during the past few years. I am tired and weary and I feel that I cannot go on any longer with what I have been. I am ready for learning yet another lesson that life has to offer--although I am still uncertain of what it is. Even if it a road less travelled, I am still willing to tread on it.
I am happy now because I am taking that next step: that eventful stage of stepping outside of my comfort zone. There is no one else I consider depending on except myself, my family and my extended family (short for friends). Whatever fastball that life will throw at me, I am more than willing to catch it--all 101.9 mph of it.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
Behind The Mask
Behind The Mask
There will always be secrets that you will always keep from someone or everyone. I have a handful of friends who know my deepest secrets but they do not know me fully. I am slowly beginning to understand that I am a wearer of masks. And I do so not because I aim to deceive people but because I feel safer. I almost revel being behind a mask of pride than be under the spotlight of prejudice. I would rather slip behind the mask of apathy than see myself crumble to the ground when I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I feel the need for hiding is great because sometimes I believe that people will not accept me if I do not fit into their standards of what a person should be. Fortunately I have about 2 or 3 people I know who accepts me for who I am. But sometimes I cannot help but think to myself if they will ever change in the future...after all, everybody does.
I miss the comfort of long conversations when someone will really want to listen to me and my tales of sorrow, happiness, guilt, confusion, defeat, victory and survival. I miss having to sit down with someone who honestly and wholeheartedly wants to just listen to me. That's it---just listen. I think people underestimate the power and luxury of having a friend you can count on when all else in your world breaks down.
In the end, after all the distractions have lost their luster, after you've focused so much on yourself, when you feel this type of loneliness, you will understand what I am talking about. You'll just want to have someone to really care about what's happening to you.
Until then, I will wear my masks in the hopes that someone will see right through me.
There will always be secrets that you will always keep from someone or everyone. I have a handful of friends who know my deepest secrets but they do not know me fully. I am slowly beginning to understand that I am a wearer of masks. And I do so not because I aim to deceive people but because I feel safer. I almost revel being behind a mask of pride than be under the spotlight of prejudice. I would rather slip behind the mask of apathy than see myself crumble to the ground when I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I feel the need for hiding is great because sometimes I believe that people will not accept me if I do not fit into their standards of what a person should be. Fortunately I have about 2 or 3 people I know who accepts me for who I am. But sometimes I cannot help but think to myself if they will ever change in the future...after all, everybody does.
I miss the comfort of long conversations when someone will really want to listen to me and my tales of sorrow, happiness, guilt, confusion, defeat, victory and survival. I miss having to sit down with someone who honestly and wholeheartedly wants to just listen to me. That's it---just listen. I think people underestimate the power and luxury of having a friend you can count on when all else in your world breaks down.
In the end, after all the distractions have lost their luster, after you've focused so much on yourself, when you feel this type of loneliness, you will understand what I am talking about. You'll just want to have someone to really care about what's happening to you.
Until then, I will wear my masks in the hopes that someone will see right through me.
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Bring It On
Bring It On
I don't know if this November will be a better month. And I say that because even though I'm finally getting the space I need to be my own solitary self, I am oblivious as to what will happen next. Also, at this stage in my life, I am too tired to care about the people who continuously hurt me so I just ignore them altogether. It's just tiring being the one who always understands; being the one who always has to take the brunt of the blow.
Simply put, this year has been one of the worst years in my life. I honestly don't know if the menace is over but I am expecting the worst right now to tell you the truth. I just cannot believe what people have been able to do to me this year.
But it is an eye-opener to me and I now am aware that in this life, anything bad is possible. But with all honesty, I can now truthfully say, "Bring it on".
I don't know if this November will be a better month. And I say that because even though I'm finally getting the space I need to be my own solitary self, I am oblivious as to what will happen next. Also, at this stage in my life, I am too tired to care about the people who continuously hurt me so I just ignore them altogether. It's just tiring being the one who always understands; being the one who always has to take the brunt of the blow.
Simply put, this year has been one of the worst years in my life. I honestly don't know if the menace is over but I am expecting the worst right now to tell you the truth. I just cannot believe what people have been able to do to me this year.
But it is an eye-opener to me and I now am aware that in this life, anything bad is possible. But with all honesty, I can now truthfully say, "Bring it on".
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Wants and Needs
Wants and Needs
It just hit me that I won't have everything that I hope for.
Not because it's the truth, but because it's just fair. Everybody else can't have everything they want. Why should I be any different?
I was thinking about the things that have happened to me this year. I know...it's a bit early for reminiscing and flashback episodes but hey, this is my blog. =) Anyway, I can honestly say that I am one year wiser albeit a bit sadder. I know that for a fact because last October, I was in the company of good co-workers who later on became my friends. That was one hell of a ride. I could say the same for this year. This year hit me like a freight train speeding unlike anything I've ever experienced before.
It hit me smack dab in the middle of heart and soul.
And to tell you the truth, I think I haven't landed from the blow yet; I feel as if I'm still flying....waiting to crash. *sigh*
Anyway, I have realized that I can't have everything although I WILL work on trying to get some of my inane and trivial wants in this world. Here are a few of them in no particular order:
1. A goatee. I think I've been shaving my chin since forever and I still haven't amassed enough hair to call it a goatee. I'd actually think that'd look good on me. Or at least I'd like to see myself carry a good one.
2. 4 Mishra's Workshops. It's a hobby of mine. Magic cards? Doesn't ring a bell? Became famous back then in 1997? Still sound Greek to you? Okay, next!
3. A healthy knee. I actually believe I already have arthritis in my left knee. Whenever I play basketball these days, it feels quite sore and I have to keep massaging the plate for it not to throb. Damn, I'm old.
4. Six-pack abs 'Nuff said.
5. A cigarette-free year Actually, I'd like to have a cigarette-free lifetime. I think having cancer in our genes is enough. I'd probably die of colon cancer or some other excruciating disease.
I guess that's it for now. Thanks for reading this far. Until next time!
It just hit me that I won't have everything that I hope for.
Not because it's the truth, but because it's just fair. Everybody else can't have everything they want. Why should I be any different?
I was thinking about the things that have happened to me this year. I know...it's a bit early for reminiscing and flashback episodes but hey, this is my blog. =) Anyway, I can honestly say that I am one year wiser albeit a bit sadder. I know that for a fact because last October, I was in the company of good co-workers who later on became my friends. That was one hell of a ride. I could say the same for this year. This year hit me like a freight train speeding unlike anything I've ever experienced before.
It hit me smack dab in the middle of heart and soul.
And to tell you the truth, I think I haven't landed from the blow yet; I feel as if I'm still flying....waiting to crash. *sigh*
Anyway, I have realized that I can't have everything although I WILL work on trying to get some of my inane and trivial wants in this world. Here are a few of them in no particular order:
1. A goatee. I think I've been shaving my chin since forever and I still haven't amassed enough hair to call it a goatee. I'd actually think that'd look good on me. Or at least I'd like to see myself carry a good one.
2. 4 Mishra's Workshops. It's a hobby of mine. Magic cards? Doesn't ring a bell? Became famous back then in 1997? Still sound Greek to you? Okay, next!
3. A healthy knee. I actually believe I already have arthritis in my left knee. Whenever I play basketball these days, it feels quite sore and I have to keep massaging the plate for it not to throb. Damn, I'm old.
4. Six-pack abs 'Nuff said.
5. A cigarette-free year Actually, I'd like to have a cigarette-free lifetime. I think having cancer in our genes is enough. I'd probably die of colon cancer or some other excruciating disease.
I guess that's it for now. Thanks for reading this far. Until next time!
Monday, October 25, 2004
Just an Afterthought
Just an Afterthought
I was just browsing through the dusty drawers of my room when I happened upon this poem:
When can I smile again?
When can I smile again?
When will people stop putting
labels on my faltering ego?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
When can I smile again?
When will the rest of the world
stop judging and start loving?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
Too many questions demand
to be answered
Too many hearts still
close out on me
So much wasted time
When can I smile again?
When can I know joy and love
for the second time around?
I want people to notice that
I, now, am dying...and that I need them.
by Zeus Martinez
April, 16, 1999
To tell you the truth, I can't remember anymore what I was thinking back then. I can't remember anymore why I wrote this poem although I could surmise that this was probably about people in my university since this was already during my time in college. *whew* When I listen to myself, it seems as if I'm really old. (which I concede I am) I guess all I can say is that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I was just browsing through the dusty drawers of my room when I happened upon this poem:
When can I smile again?
When can I smile again?
When will people stop putting
labels on my faltering ego?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
When can I smile again?
When will the rest of the world
stop judging and start loving?
I want them to notice that
I, too, am human...just like them
Too many questions demand
to be answered
Too many hearts still
close out on me
So much wasted time
When can I smile again?
When can I know joy and love
for the second time around?
I want people to notice that
I, now, am dying...and that I need them.
by Zeus Martinez
April, 16, 1999
To tell you the truth, I can't remember anymore what I was thinking back then. I can't remember anymore why I wrote this poem although I could surmise that this was probably about people in my university since this was already during my time in college. *whew* When I listen to myself, it seems as if I'm really old. (which I concede I am) I guess all I can say is that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Picking Up The Pieces
Picking Up The Pieces
Don't you sometimes feel so fatigued because you're waiting for something to happen. I can't really help but throw my arms in the air in despair sometimes when I hit my lowest of lows. It's such a draining feeling that I get when I try with all my might to avert my thinking, when I try to adapt a new model of perspective.
I never knew a paradigm shift was this hard to obtain.
To the people who visit my blog, this might seem like a random collection of words that seem nothing but vague outbursts. To be honest, I confuse myself with who I really am. A colleague of mine pointed out that I really have to find out who I really am. I think that's a big step that I need to inevitably take. It's a hard road ahead but there are times when I see flashes of who I really am in reality. And when I realize who I am, I cannot help but squirm in disbelief not because my eyes do not lie but my heart tells me the truth.
And so, I will begin my journey anew. I am about to reinvent myself. How much will be entirely up to myself. I am of course, not promising any physical mutations such as tattoos (albeit I find them fascinating) or anything of that sort. But I am on a quest to change the little things that I feel I MUST NOT live with. I think I've taken a first step in quitting a bad habit (again) so I proposed to myself: "Let me take it from here."
I just hope I never backslide again. I think a part of me should finally resolve to say "No" when I know it's the right thing to do. I guess that will be the next item on my to-do list. Talk about having your work getting cut out for yourself.
Don't you sometimes feel so fatigued because you're waiting for something to happen. I can't really help but throw my arms in the air in despair sometimes when I hit my lowest of lows. It's such a draining feeling that I get when I try with all my might to avert my thinking, when I try to adapt a new model of perspective.
I never knew a paradigm shift was this hard to obtain.
To the people who visit my blog, this might seem like a random collection of words that seem nothing but vague outbursts. To be honest, I confuse myself with who I really am. A colleague of mine pointed out that I really have to find out who I really am. I think that's a big step that I need to inevitably take. It's a hard road ahead but there are times when I see flashes of who I really am in reality. And when I realize who I am, I cannot help but squirm in disbelief not because my eyes do not lie but my heart tells me the truth.
And so, I will begin my journey anew. I am about to reinvent myself. How much will be entirely up to myself. I am of course, not promising any physical mutations such as tattoos (albeit I find them fascinating) or anything of that sort. But I am on a quest to change the little things that I feel I MUST NOT live with. I think I've taken a first step in quitting a bad habit (again) so I proposed to myself: "Let me take it from here."
I just hope I never backslide again. I think a part of me should finally resolve to say "No" when I know it's the right thing to do. I guess that will be the next item on my to-do list. Talk about having your work getting cut out for yourself.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Full Recovery
Full Recovery
It's been quite a while since I've posted anything here in my blog. My apologies to those who have been seeing the same old stagnant entries everytime they visit. It's just that I've been swamped with a lot of stuff and I am literally thinking about a million and one things as of the moment. To tell you the truth, I wonder if it ever stops.
Anyway, news flash! I'm a bit well already from the cough that has plagued me since the 25th of last month. I try to bring a face towel with me everywhere I go just so I can keep my back dry whenever I commute. It's so nice to listen to your own breathing when it's not interrupted by sudden outbursts of coughing. It's also really nice to breathe through your two nostrils instead of just one. Having a stuffed nose was hell because it was accompanied by sinusitis. Last year I had a similar type of condition but it lasted for around 2 months instead of 3 weeks because I was working the graveyard shift in a call center so I don't think I was given the chance to recuperate at all. Now, I'm thankful that I'm able to breathe normally and cough when I want to.
So now, I'm back to my "healthy" self and hopefully, my posts will be too.
It's been quite a while since I've posted anything here in my blog. My apologies to those who have been seeing the same old stagnant entries everytime they visit. It's just that I've been swamped with a lot of stuff and I am literally thinking about a million and one things as of the moment. To tell you the truth, I wonder if it ever stops.
Anyway, news flash! I'm a bit well already from the cough that has plagued me since the 25th of last month. I try to bring a face towel with me everywhere I go just so I can keep my back dry whenever I commute. It's so nice to listen to your own breathing when it's not interrupted by sudden outbursts of coughing. It's also really nice to breathe through your two nostrils instead of just one. Having a stuffed nose was hell because it was accompanied by sinusitis. Last year I had a similar type of condition but it lasted for around 2 months instead of 3 weeks because I was working the graveyard shift in a call center so I don't think I was given the chance to recuperate at all. Now, I'm thankful that I'm able to breathe normally and cough when I want to.
So now, I'm back to my "healthy" self and hopefully, my posts will be too.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Eccentric
Eccentric
I just met up with a long lost friend two days ago. And when I mean "long" I mean exactly the same thing. The last time we saw each other was a little after we graduated from high school. To me that's like a lifetime already. So much has happened over the years that it seemed a bit surreal talking to him over a gigantic mug of Strong Ice over in Timog. I felt I was dreaming back then because we left a great friendship for our respective college courses and I guess I never had the chance to keep in touch with him.
We talked about the past, present and future and I couldn't help but quietly say to myself "The more things change, the more they stay the same."
He confesses to be more on the eccentric side but aren't we all? I think all of us has a certain type of madness that we all have deeply shut out--that certain eccentric side of us. I could never ever talk about myself and my musings as freely as he did that night. It seems as if I'm holding back. Then again, I don't know what it is I am suppressing. *sigh*
It's so hard to read something you absolutely have no idea about isn't it?
Welcome to my world.
I just met up with a long lost friend two days ago. And when I mean "long" I mean exactly the same thing. The last time we saw each other was a little after we graduated from high school. To me that's like a lifetime already. So much has happened over the years that it seemed a bit surreal talking to him over a gigantic mug of Strong Ice over in Timog. I felt I was dreaming back then because we left a great friendship for our respective college courses and I guess I never had the chance to keep in touch with him.
We talked about the past, present and future and I couldn't help but quietly say to myself "The more things change, the more they stay the same."
He confesses to be more on the eccentric side but aren't we all? I think all of us has a certain type of madness that we all have deeply shut out--that certain eccentric side of us. I could never ever talk about myself and my musings as freely as he did that night. It seems as if I'm holding back. Then again, I don't know what it is I am suppressing. *sigh*
It's so hard to read something you absolutely have no idea about isn't it?
Welcome to my world.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Mere Mortals
Mere Mortals
You really can't stress enough how important something is until you lose it.
This weekend, my immune system caved in and I had a bout with the flu. I'd like to think it was any ordinary attack but when you have a sore throat, stuffy nose, migraine AND a high fever apart from the sore joints, you'd hardly claim it was anything ordinary.
I guess I've been taking my health for granted. And this is so ironic because all of this happened after I talked to my long lost highschool buddy about getting back into basketball shape. :)
All I want to say is that we should all treasure whatever is important to us. May it be our families, our loved ones and our health. When I was lying on the bed breathing through my mouth (because of the stuffy nose I had) while trying to sleep, all I could think about was how and when I could get better.
Sometimes, we really can't rely on ourselves to keep our health in check. We almost always need the unsolicited help of diseases and viruses to tell us that we are not invincible and that we are mere mortals.
You really can't stress enough how important something is until you lose it.
This weekend, my immune system caved in and I had a bout with the flu. I'd like to think it was any ordinary attack but when you have a sore throat, stuffy nose, migraine AND a high fever apart from the sore joints, you'd hardly claim it was anything ordinary.
I guess I've been taking my health for granted. And this is so ironic because all of this happened after I talked to my long lost highschool buddy about getting back into basketball shape. :)
All I want to say is that we should all treasure whatever is important to us. May it be our families, our loved ones and our health. When I was lying on the bed breathing through my mouth (because of the stuffy nose I had) while trying to sleep, all I could think about was how and when I could get better.
Sometimes, we really can't rely on ourselves to keep our health in check. We almost always need the unsolicited help of diseases and viruses to tell us that we are not invincible and that we are mere mortals.
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Sniff, Sniff
Sniff, Sniff
I think I've finally caught the bad case of colds roaming around the office. This will probably be the first time this year that I've had a stuffed nose so bad that my head hurts.
Damn. I feel my head's in the middle of a vise.
Last time I felt like this was when I started taking calls in my first job as an agent. So much for the sweetness of nostalgia.
Anyway, I gotta crash. I'll probably just sleep it off and wake up feeling worse.
I think I've finally caught the bad case of colds roaming around the office. This will probably be the first time this year that I've had a stuffed nose so bad that my head hurts.
Damn. I feel my head's in the middle of a vise.
Last time I felt like this was when I started taking calls in my first job as an agent. So much for the sweetness of nostalgia.
Anyway, I gotta crash. I'll probably just sleep it off and wake up feeling worse.
Friday, September 24, 2004
Last Song Syndrome
Last Song Syndrome
People are People
by D' Sound
I am the one
who believes in all that you say
I am the one
who never wants to define herself
I am the one
who’s paralell, upfront, behind
I am the one
paddling like crazy through the night
Refine, old time, colourblind
Big sign, do time, doesn’t rhyme
A lot, to much, standing tall
And I’m crying in the valley:
“I shall never, ever fall!”
People are people
and I feel so strong
People are people and I’m
going on
I am the one
who stirs it up everytime
I am the one
who never knows how close she is
I am the one
who’d rather be dead than confess
I am the one
trying to be good, wanting to be bad and so on
Excess, temptress, big mess
Phoney, lonely, it’s a test
Be still my heart, don’t you fail
And I’m crying on the stagefloor:
“I will always prevail!”
I’m going on…
A really nice song I got from Elaine. :-)
People are People
by D' Sound
I am the one
who believes in all that you say
I am the one
who never wants to define herself
I am the one
who’s paralell, upfront, behind
I am the one
paddling like crazy through the night
Refine, old time, colourblind
Big sign, do time, doesn’t rhyme
A lot, to much, standing tall
And I’m crying in the valley:
“I shall never, ever fall!”
People are people
and I feel so strong
People are people and I’m
going on
I am the one
who stirs it up everytime
I am the one
who never knows how close she is
I am the one
who’d rather be dead than confess
I am the one
trying to be good, wanting to be bad and so on
Excess, temptress, big mess
Phoney, lonely, it’s a test
Be still my heart, don’t you fail
And I’m crying on the stagefloor:
“I will always prevail!”
I’m going on…
A really nice song I got from Elaine. :-)
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Our Dying Motherland
Our Dying Motherland
As of the moment, I go through each day thinking what will become of my future.
I think to myself: "How do you even start a family in this country in this day and age with all of the corruption that is going on in our government?"
It almost seems impossible to fathom but to be honest, the sliver of hope that I am clinging to is fading fast.
Everywhere you go, you are treated like strangers by fellow-Filipinos. And these same people would gladly smile and converse with the foreigner next to you. Like what one of my friends said we live in a country with so much colonial mentality. I'm beginning to wonder if the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt." is one of the absolute reigning truths here in our Motherland.
It's such a sad and hurtful thing to see a cashier sneer at you when you give them a large bill when you're ordering a simple meal; or if the driver of the passenger jeepney you're on doesn't even bother to give you your change of 50 centavos; or when the taxi driver takes a longer route to your destination just so he can extend the meter's sum total.
Some people might worry about more trivial things like how to get to Saturday night's party without fear of having your friends' friends notice that you wore the same outfit two weekends ago.
The brunt of the hurt is felt by the common people, the masses, the bourgeois.
And it bothers me when I think about what will happen to our government if this trend continues. We could be more than what we are today. Sadly, the people in our government have ulterior motives...and that translates to everybody else.
We are all struggling to keep afloat in this God-forsaken country. It's such a shame that looking at the trend, the status quo will remain for many more years to come.
As of the moment, I go through each day thinking what will become of my future.
I think to myself: "How do you even start a family in this country in this day and age with all of the corruption that is going on in our government?"
It almost seems impossible to fathom but to be honest, the sliver of hope that I am clinging to is fading fast.
Everywhere you go, you are treated like strangers by fellow-Filipinos. And these same people would gladly smile and converse with the foreigner next to you. Like what one of my friends said we live in a country with so much colonial mentality. I'm beginning to wonder if the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt." is one of the absolute reigning truths here in our Motherland.
It's such a sad and hurtful thing to see a cashier sneer at you when you give them a large bill when you're ordering a simple meal; or if the driver of the passenger jeepney you're on doesn't even bother to give you your change of 50 centavos; or when the taxi driver takes a longer route to your destination just so he can extend the meter's sum total.
Some people might worry about more trivial things like how to get to Saturday night's party without fear of having your friends' friends notice that you wore the same outfit two weekends ago.
The brunt of the hurt is felt by the common people, the masses, the bourgeois.
And it bothers me when I think about what will happen to our government if this trend continues. We could be more than what we are today. Sadly, the people in our government have ulterior motives...and that translates to everybody else.
We are all struggling to keep afloat in this God-forsaken country. It's such a shame that looking at the trend, the status quo will remain for many more years to come.
Thursday, September 16, 2004
It Hurts
It Hurts
I am at my worst right now.
I don't see the point of moving on with life if you don't have anybody who understands you. I really don't get it.
But most of all, I miss her. With all my heart, I miss the love that we once shared. But now, I have been replaced by something else...something more important.
I guess I had it coming all along. All I am is one of life's biggest mistakes and nothing else.
I am at my worst right now.
I don't see the point of moving on with life if you don't have anybody who understands you. I really don't get it.
But most of all, I miss her. With all my heart, I miss the love that we once shared. But now, I have been replaced by something else...something more important.
I guess I had it coming all along. All I am is one of life's biggest mistakes and nothing else.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
The Value of Friendship
The Certainty of Friendship
Change has pervaded my life ever since I started working. My very first job was at the BEST call center in the Philippines. *wink* At that job, I gained a lot of friends whom I didn't have any direct connections with. They were from different universities as well as various backgrounds. I really did not expect that I would become close to them because I had my own set of friends before I dove into the abyss of the workplace.
I had my highschool friends, my college friends and my village friends. I really didn't think I could have any more space for some more.
And so I stayed quiet. But in due time I opened up to them like a flower approaching the first morning of spring. After I left my job, I never thought I would find friends as great as them.
It seems that life will always surprise us with a lot of things.
L-R: Maan, Hazel, Regina, me.
I have been fortunate enough to have been blessed once again.
Change has pervaded my life ever since I started working. My very first job was at the BEST call center in the Philippines. *wink* At that job, I gained a lot of friends whom I didn't have any direct connections with. They were from different universities as well as various backgrounds. I really did not expect that I would become close to them because I had my own set of friends before I dove into the abyss of the workplace.
I had my highschool friends, my college friends and my village friends. I really didn't think I could have any more space for some more.
And so I stayed quiet. But in due time I opened up to them like a flower approaching the first morning of spring. After I left my job, I never thought I would find friends as great as them.
It seems that life will always surprise us with a lot of things.
L-R: Maan, Hazel, Regina, me.
I have been fortunate enough to have been blessed once again.
Saturday, September 11, 2004
I Am...
I Am...
...a distraction to others...
...a distraction unto myself...
...a lost soul...
...a terrified wanderer...
...inadequate...
...distressed...
...under duress...
I am everything else that any lost and lonely soul may ever become. I am a tired passenger on life's longer journeys and I am yearning for sleep.
Someone, anyone...somebody save me from me.
...a distraction to others...
...a distraction unto myself...
...a lost soul...
...a terrified wanderer...
...inadequate...
...distressed...
...under duress...
I am everything else that any lost and lonely soul may ever become. I am a tired passenger on life's longer journeys and I am yearning for sleep.
Someone, anyone...somebody save me from me.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
For the 80's Kid
For the 80's Kid
Simply an 80's classic.
I think I even cried during the movie.
Simply an 80's classic.
I think I even cried during the movie.
 | Love-a-Lot Bear |
Thinking of Days Past
Thinking of Days Past
I once sang this song for someone who I considered to be really special in my life. I called her up and just started to sing without even saying "Hello".
Can't Cry Hard Enough
I'm going to live my life
Like every day's my last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast
And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I'm going to open my eyes
And see for the first time
I've let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite
There it goes up in the sky
There it goes beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I'm going to look back in vain
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is just an empty chair
And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I put down the phone after the last line. Lalang....memories.
I once sang this song for someone who I considered to be really special in my life. I called her up and just started to sing without even saying "Hello".
Can't Cry Hard Enough
I'm going to live my life
Like every day's my last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast
And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I'm going to open my eyes
And see for the first time
I've let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite
There it goes up in the sky
There it goes beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I'm going to look back in vain
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is just an empty chair
And now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough
No I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I put down the phone after the last line. Lalang....memories.
Monday, September 06, 2004
And 1
And One
Looking back, last Friday played out like a movie in the making. Everyone else in the Sales team went out for a client call except me. :) And I said I wanted to just stay so at least someone can answer the phone.
And someone did indeed call.
I woke up with a case of LBM today. I have to remember to look at the isaw as it is being cooked next time. Anyway, I just stayed home, drank Immodium, ate bananas, drank some green tea and Coke and slept. After I woke up at around 6:40 PM I got a text from Regina that went like:
"Hey we g0t it!!! Wah00!! Sori im at d gym! Hehe! Astg as in they wer s0 nice and all! Maan was d b0mb! 2 m0nth campn man!"
I felt the sleep rub off me and I stood up and pumped my hand in jubilation. Maan's the bomb! Definitely Regina and Hazel too! :)
And 1, baby!!! =) Go Sales!!!
Looking back, last Friday played out like a movie in the making. Everyone else in the Sales team went out for a client call except me. :) And I said I wanted to just stay so at least someone can answer the phone.
And someone did indeed call.
I woke up with a case of LBM today. I have to remember to look at the isaw as it is being cooked next time. Anyway, I just stayed home, drank Immodium, ate bananas, drank some green tea and Coke and slept. After I woke up at around 6:40 PM I got a text from Regina that went like:
"Hey we g0t it!!! Wah00!! Sori im at d gym! Hehe! Astg as in they wer s0 nice and all! Maan was d b0mb! 2 m0nth campn man!"
I felt the sleep rub off me and I stood up and pumped my hand in jubilation. Maan's the bomb! Definitely Regina and Hazel too! :)
And 1, baby!!! =) Go Sales!!!
Saturday, September 04, 2004
To Court Love is to Court Pain
To Court Love is to Court Pain
I am an observer by nature. I find myself looking and listening than talking the night away in a random gathering.
And what I have observed is that people know so little about love and the equal amount of pain it can potentially cause. People are absolutely oblivious to the fact that whenever you court love, you court pain. That is a pre-given and nobody is exempted from the sting of lost or broken love. It is a feeling that everybody goes through whether you have been in one relationship or a hundred. That is the premise that I wish to share:
"Whenever you truly, genuinely love someone, you must also be prepared to hurt as much."
I have heard countless stories of people loving another only for the story to end when the person leaves their current love for a better deal. I have heard of couples in a relationship who split up because the other person finds it easier to concentrate on his job rather than the relationship. All of a sudden, from #1 to almost gone.
It is a sad and dreadful truth; one which looms over us like a dark cloud upon us before the downpour. And all of us have no control over it as much as we cannot stop a single drop of rain from falling. We cannot master Love because it can be taken from us as much as it is freely given. It is a reality we must all face that if we say "Yes" to someone else, we must also consider the fine print that comes with it. It might be prudent to include after the affirmation the following phrases:
"I am allowing my vulnerability to be exposed."
"I give you the right to hurt me."
"I know this will hurt if you leave but let's try anyway."
No one can dictate to us who we want to love. And that is the truth that some people forget. If you love a person, that is all because you decide it upon yourself that this particular man or woman is worthy of your love. But when the person does not reciprocate the love that you bestow, that is only because of this one God-given right. It will be probably one of the one greatest possessions we mortals will ever have.
It is called free will.
We shouldn't blame the person we give our love to for loving someone else other than us because it is not right. We give our love to someone; we surrender everything else except our souls to this one person not because it is a requirement. We do it not because we are obliged to, but because we want to. Out of all the people in the world that we have met, like a king knighting a soldier with his royal scepter, we choose to love one person. But let us not forget that we are not kings or queens.
The love that we bestow upon this person is honorable, yes...but our word is not final. The person can always say "No".
Or leave us...
Or go behind our back...
Or cheat on us...
There are a thousand and one reasons why someone will decline but that should not be taken as a reflection of our inadequacy or incompetence. They are all part of a plan. As to what plan and why it is structured as such, I have no clue.
All I can say is that all of us have our own journeys to follow. I would like to think that whenever we fail in a relationship, it does not mean that we are bad people. To me those slips and "failures" are just stepping stones we must need to cross in order for us to get to the other side. We should look at these as rocks in a river which will bring us closer to the The One.
It just so happens that some people have wider rivers to cross, faster currents to keep cautious of, and stronger gusts of wind to fight while crossing that proverbial river. And so we must bid our time, wait for the right opportunity when we should jump onto the next rock. Or else we will just slip because of the raging water, lose balance because of the wind, and fail once again.
Once you understand how your surroundings are and how the river flows, you should do just fine.
I am an observer by nature. I find myself looking and listening than talking the night away in a random gathering.
And what I have observed is that people know so little about love and the equal amount of pain it can potentially cause. People are absolutely oblivious to the fact that whenever you court love, you court pain. That is a pre-given and nobody is exempted from the sting of lost or broken love. It is a feeling that everybody goes through whether you have been in one relationship or a hundred. That is the premise that I wish to share:
"Whenever you truly, genuinely love someone, you must also be prepared to hurt as much."
I have heard countless stories of people loving another only for the story to end when the person leaves their current love for a better deal. I have heard of couples in a relationship who split up because the other person finds it easier to concentrate on his job rather than the relationship. All of a sudden, from #1 to almost gone.
It is a sad and dreadful truth; one which looms over us like a dark cloud upon us before the downpour. And all of us have no control over it as much as we cannot stop a single drop of rain from falling. We cannot master Love because it can be taken from us as much as it is freely given. It is a reality we must all face that if we say "Yes" to someone else, we must also consider the fine print that comes with it. It might be prudent to include after the affirmation the following phrases:
"I am allowing my vulnerability to be exposed."
"I give you the right to hurt me."
"I know this will hurt if you leave but let's try anyway."
No one can dictate to us who we want to love. And that is the truth that some people forget. If you love a person, that is all because you decide it upon yourself that this particular man or woman is worthy of your love. But when the person does not reciprocate the love that you bestow, that is only because of this one God-given right. It will be probably one of the one greatest possessions we mortals will ever have.
It is called free will.
We shouldn't blame the person we give our love to for loving someone else other than us because it is not right. We give our love to someone; we surrender everything else except our souls to this one person not because it is a requirement. We do it not because we are obliged to, but because we want to. Out of all the people in the world that we have met, like a king knighting a soldier with his royal scepter, we choose to love one person. But let us not forget that we are not kings or queens.
The love that we bestow upon this person is honorable, yes...but our word is not final. The person can always say "No".
Or leave us...
Or go behind our back...
Or cheat on us...
There are a thousand and one reasons why someone will decline but that should not be taken as a reflection of our inadequacy or incompetence. They are all part of a plan. As to what plan and why it is structured as such, I have no clue.
All I can say is that all of us have our own journeys to follow. I would like to think that whenever we fail in a relationship, it does not mean that we are bad people. To me those slips and "failures" are just stepping stones we must need to cross in order for us to get to the other side. We should look at these as rocks in a river which will bring us closer to the The One.
It just so happens that some people have wider rivers to cross, faster currents to keep cautious of, and stronger gusts of wind to fight while crossing that proverbial river. And so we must bid our time, wait for the right opportunity when we should jump onto the next rock. Or else we will just slip because of the raging water, lose balance because of the wind, and fail once again.
Once you understand how your surroundings are and how the river flows, you should do just fine.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
More Time
More Time
I wonder what it would be like if we simply had more time. I, for one, would like to have a day extend up to 32 hours--that of course being all else equal. A day that would consist of an 8 hour job, 8 hours of leisure time, 12 hours of sleep and 4 hours of just doing what you love to do--whatever it may be. I think I need just a little extra time sometimes.
That would be a loooong day but I sure would like to experience one. Even just once.
I wonder what it would feel like. One would probably be bored to death. Most people would probably turn out to be lazier than they are. I just sometimes find it difficult to squeeze everything else that I want to do in one day. I sometimes find it hard to pursue my other hobbies because sometimes when I'm done with work and I go home, I just fall flat on my face and sleep 'til the morning comes. It's a tiring routine but every now and then I manage to keep up.
As for us mortals who dwell on a plane of existence that is governed by time, we have no control over it so we will just have to make do with whatever we have.
Learn everything we can.
Be the best person we can be.
And last but not the least, make the world a better place because we're in it.
I wonder what it would be like if we simply had more time. I, for one, would like to have a day extend up to 32 hours--that of course being all else equal. A day that would consist of an 8 hour job, 8 hours of leisure time, 12 hours of sleep and 4 hours of just doing what you love to do--whatever it may be. I think I need just a little extra time sometimes.
That would be a loooong day but I sure would like to experience one. Even just once.
I wonder what it would feel like. One would probably be bored to death. Most people would probably turn out to be lazier than they are. I just sometimes find it difficult to squeeze everything else that I want to do in one day. I sometimes find it hard to pursue my other hobbies because sometimes when I'm done with work and I go home, I just fall flat on my face and sleep 'til the morning comes. It's a tiring routine but every now and then I manage to keep up.
As for us mortals who dwell on a plane of existence that is governed by time, we have no control over it so we will just have to make do with whatever we have.
Learn everything we can.
Be the best person we can be.
And last but not the least, make the world a better place because we're in it.
Monday, August 30, 2004
Clichés and Regrets
Clichés and Regrets
After nearly a quarter century of living in this world, you can't seem to face the fact that nearly all of the clichés and familiar sayings you've ever heard seem to apply to you.
"Time flies by so fast."
"Life was simple back then."
"If I could only turn back time."
"Hindsight is always 20/20."
And my personal favorite..."What if?"
It's a bit saddening to come to terms with the fact that life will no longer be easy for you anymore. It's a bit hard on the people who have been sheltered from the difficulties of life when they realize that from here on in, it will be a life of thankless work and a thousand and one mistakes. After all, we are all entitled to that type of life. There wouldn't be any growth at all if everybody was right all the time.
Time and experience is a valuable teacher. This I have proven time and again.
I read someone's comment about being nostalgic. The person said that there wouldn't be any point in complaining about how easy we had it back then; how we didn't think of how much we were spending when we bought something. Now, we always need to look twice in our wallet and spend a few seconds to mentally compute if the value meal that we're planning to eat will be worth it or not. Damn.
I wonder if this will ever stop. I'm wondering if I would still feel this way if I worked in a different country. I wonder if I would stop worrying about things if I had more money. I wonder I wouldn't have any more problems if I became more financially stable. Even though, it's tempting to subscribe to that belief, I still don't want to. I still believe that money is the root of all evil--that is with the condition that if you allow yourself to be consumed by it.
I really have no idea on what to expect of this country and the life that is ahead of us. I am only hoping that 10 years in the future, we won't be looking back in despair and say that we had it easy back then.
After nearly a quarter century of living in this world, you can't seem to face the fact that nearly all of the clichés and familiar sayings you've ever heard seem to apply to you.
"Time flies by so fast."
"Life was simple back then."
"If I could only turn back time."
"Hindsight is always 20/20."
And my personal favorite..."What if?"
It's a bit saddening to come to terms with the fact that life will no longer be easy for you anymore. It's a bit hard on the people who have been sheltered from the difficulties of life when they realize that from here on in, it will be a life of thankless work and a thousand and one mistakes. After all, we are all entitled to that type of life. There wouldn't be any growth at all if everybody was right all the time.
Time and experience is a valuable teacher. This I have proven time and again.
I read someone's comment about being nostalgic. The person said that there wouldn't be any point in complaining about how easy we had it back then; how we didn't think of how much we were spending when we bought something. Now, we always need to look twice in our wallet and spend a few seconds to mentally compute if the value meal that we're planning to eat will be worth it or not. Damn.
I wonder if this will ever stop. I'm wondering if I would still feel this way if I worked in a different country. I wonder if I would stop worrying about things if I had more money. I wonder I wouldn't have any more problems if I became more financially stable. Even though, it's tempting to subscribe to that belief, I still don't want to. I still believe that money is the root of all evil--that is with the condition that if you allow yourself to be consumed by it.
I really have no idea on what to expect of this country and the life that is ahead of us. I am only hoping that 10 years in the future, we won't be looking back in despair and say that we had it easy back then.
